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MILK, BREAD, BUTTER O.J. POPTARTS TOOTHPASTE URANIUM APPLES…
(Vladimir Putin)
Picture by: © AP Photo/РИА-Новости, Алексей Никольский Caption by: dunno source via Advanced Lol Builder
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Must be shopping at Krogers…. the Uranium’s in the milk aisle.
Wouldn’t he be shopping for Plutonium?
Well, I’m sure that’s in every corner drugstore here in 2009, but in 1955 it’s a little harder to come by.
You mustn’t interfere with the past. Don’t do anything that affects anything. Unless it turns out that you were supposed to do it; in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it!
1.21 Gigawatts!!!! Tom it can’t be done, can it?
In Soviet Russia, Plutonium does its own shopping.
If Pluto is no longer considered a planet, does that mean that Plutonium no longer exists?
No, it just gets downgraded from an element to a subatomic particle.
My geeky friend’s joke for when her friend lost his job: He was plutocized.
PLUTO IS A PLANET! I hate you all! *runs off crying*
there, there DU, *hands some twinkly lights and tinsel to DU to distract her*
Just think, one day we can all tell our kids “Kids, I remember when Pluto was a planet.”
I have a t-shirt with a picture of pluto on it that says, “It’s okay pluto, I’m not a planet either.” I has a sad.
There’s a FB group that’s called “When I was your age Pluto was a planet”.
Ooooh! Shiny! *bats at the tinsel like a kitten*
In Soviet Russia you can find everything in each store, even uranium (if you are the Putin), Off topic: I’m the thing from URanus
Would that be the full fat or the semi-skimmed uranium?
Get the 2%, it lasts longer.
Aw, dammit — they’ve run out of the soy uranium again.
I’m uranium intolerant. I need that soy uranium!
It looks like they still have some almond uranium, though I have no idea how you milk uranium out of an almond.
I can has vanilla flavored almond uranium?
I thought the uranium was in the aisle with the spices and seasonings. No wonder I couldn’t find it. Now, where the FVCK is the cinnamon-sugar? (Answer: Apparently nowhere. Not with spices. Not with sugar. Not with breakfast stuff, or bread, or….ANYWHERE.)
*sees monetary opportunity* I’ll sell you the recipe for making cinnamon-sugar!
I’m guessing it has neither cinammon nor sugar in it?
Nor, indeed, cinnamon.
Well, yeah, I mean, I can DO that easily enough (and did) but, dammit, you could BUY it already mixed up! I’ve seen it a million fvcking times….but then when I go to look for it recently — zip. It’s disappeared.
That’s weird. I’ve got some. *sprinkles on toast*
Yeah, I mean it’s disappeared at the Kroger where I grocery shop.
I miss Kroger’s. We had it here when I was a little kid, but there haven’t been any here in 25 years. We’ve got a couple really crappy grocery chains here and one really nice one that’s way expensive.
Gremlins! *hides the cinnamon-sugar from Diss’ store*
Curse you, now I want cinnamon sugar toast! Haven’t had that in years.
I haven’t had it in a while either. Mmmmm…now I should really make some.
Mmmmm, I love it when the cinnamon sugar gets all melty with the butter.
I make mine with so much butter that it boils in the toaster oven, and when it gets all nice and brown on the toast and you take it out, it turns into a crust of epic goodness on the top of the toast….
*drools*
Try buttering the bread, then sprinkle on the cinnamon sugar, THEN put it in a toaster oven. Freaking YUM.
Do you want the prize for redundancy, or shall I just put it over here with the others?
I just SAID that, only not as pretty and concise as you. Dammit.
I dunno. His was kind of “CInnamon-sugar toast for dummies,” except he forgot to include ‘turn on the toaster oven” and ‘use oven mitts to remove hot toast.’
LOL
Lemme break down my method for awesomeness on toast:
Take two slices of Mrs. Baird’s Large Loaf bread.
Butter liberally (see? Even I can be liberal!).
Sprinkle enough sugar on the butter that you can’t see butter through the sugar. In other words, THICK, but not too thick.
Sprinkle cinnamon on top.
Toast in toaster oven (or oven on broil) until the edges of the bread are gently toasted and the sugar/cinnamon/butter is bubbling.
Let cool on plate until the S/C/B hardens into a crunchy little shield on top of the toast.
ENJOY.
*dies*
Yes Froo. And it has to be REAL butter. Not that plastic stuff they sell as marge rims, or something like that.
And I can be real liberal with the butter. Mix it up with local honey too.
Hey Rando, there’s one more thing I’m liberal on! Bacon on sandwiches is another. And mayo too.
Sorry froo. I didn’t see that.
As long as you’re sorry
*hugs*
Cinnamon toast brulee?
OMG FROO, i’m going into a diabetic coma just reading this! i hate you
*not really* but jeez, give a gal some warning next time you post real food here 
Screw you guys, I’m going home… where I’m making cinnamon toast, dammit. *BTW I have that awesome premixed cinnamon-sugar & I bought it at Krogers…. maybe they don’t all stock it.
So YOU’re the one who bought up all the cinnamon-sugar so Diss couldn’t find any. Wait until Diss finds out.
if you add enough uranium to the cinnamon, the toast toasts itself
You should find it on the same aisle as the ready-mashed potatoes, pancake mix and freeze-dried water.
I don’t like the freeze dried water that much, it has a funny after taste to it.
Diss it’s by the Syrup.
Is it Saturday already? How long have I been on the fvcking Internet???!!! Oh crap, I missed Christmas!
It’s your karma for lying about being sick.
*says another person mostly off until Jan 4th*
Oh, I was sick all right…sick of being at work at 5 in the morning.
*Slips more Uranium and in Rando’s coffee* I thought you were going to be too sick to show up for work this week.
Is that coffee? I hate coffee. Wait, it’s glowing yellow. I love glowing yellow coffee!
Glowing yellow coffee means you got the batch that bitter troll peed in….
*sends Joseph Wilson to investigate coffee* Hmmmm, my man says there’s no uranium in this coffee. No yellow cake either. Shame, he was hungry too.
Don’t ask Papa Smurf how 7-Eleven makes the blueberry slurpees.
Oh, hell, that means I’ve worked through Christmas! Although, that would explain why this “day” has dragged on a bit.
Well, on the bright side you earned time and a half for working christmas. Sorry, we couldn’t afford to pay you triple time like we’re supposed to.
is there anything else on that list?
just KGB it
WHAT is it vladerday all ready, is chritmas over, yeehaa
PLAGIARISM!!!!!
To be fair, you said Christmas and angie said chritmas.
Ooooh, that’s true. Fair enough.
Ok, I don’t understand the usage of commas here. It looks like the list contains three things:
- Milk
- Bread
- Butter O.J. Poptarts Toothpaste Uranium Apples
The Butter O.J Poptarts’ third album ‘Toothpaste Uranium Apples’ was an attempt by a (by then) crumbling band to cash in on the psychadelic wave of the late 60s. Since they were, until then, a Country & Western band, their fans chose not to follow them down this path, and they split soon after.
What are you talking about?! Toothpaste Uranium Apples was the best psychedelic album of all time. OF ALL TIME!!!!
Polonium, not uranium.
Yup. That would definitely have been nearer the mark!
i think uranium should be sold near the entrance of wal-mart
Just have to make sure it’s the variety with a whole 238 grams of protons and neutrons per mole of product!
It’s in Sporting Goods, although I’m not entirely sure why.
Uranium apples? I guess it gives your Granny Smith a nice green glow…
The crunch is amazing.
WTF, it’s not even Vladurday! And this one was actually funny!
*sigh* This is so disappointing. Nothing controversial. No angry partisan battles. How boring.
You’re just saying that because you’re a liberal and you want to destroy this country, starting with the Constitution.
And you’re just saying that because you’re an evil money grubbing conservative who wants to shoot everyone!
Terrorist!
*duct-tapes DU to an office chair and shines desk lamp in her eyes*
WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!?!
That damn well better be one of those new twisty bulbs in that lamp, Diss, or I’m going to have to write you a ticket and force you to buy a carbon offset.
Hah! Those are full of mercury….you think I should break it and give us all MERCURY POISONING?!?
You can’t make me talk! The trees will be protected! You don’t need a thneed!
*buys a thneed online for a Christmas present*
Huh?
YOU JUST KILLED A MOTHA FVCKING POLAR BEAR!!!11!1!ELBENTY!
Oooh…Um, I take it from your tone, Jane, that you’re probably not going to be, shall we say, thrilled with the Polarbearskin Rug I got you for Christmas?
I heard Sarah Palin shot it from an F-22 that was going Mach 2. With a water pistol, even….
That’s not true. It was from the space shuttle and she didn’t even use a gun. She just pointed at it and said “pew pew.”
White shows the dirt. What, you want me to be cleaning all the time?
But dear… think of things to be done a polarbearskin rug!!
Mmmmm, very snuggly. ^_^
and fuzzy.
Keeping with the Christmas spirit, I’m thinking that if Ebenezer Scrooge (before the ghosts) were alive today, he’d be the Republican candidate in 2012. *waits for the fallout*
…and Tiny Tim would be the little boy paraded on stage by whoever the Dem candiate was in order to garner sympathy votes. “WON’T ANYONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??!?!?!!!??11/1?!???!!?”
LOL!!
Scrooge/Marley ’12: Screw the Poor, They Suck Anyway
*snicker*
I want that tee shirt now.
I would even wear that.
And sadly, a Google search did not turn up such a shirt.
I still like the ‘Republicans for Voldermort’ bumper sticker.
Did you misspell it on purpose because He Shall Not Be Named?
Um…yes, that’s yes, exactly. Yeah, don’t want to call his attention to us. *nervous giggle*
I’ve seen that as a t-shirt as well. Some old guy wearing it to the release party for Half-Blood Prince. It was instant jealousy.
What, no vodka nor caviar?
Rascists! Elitist! Socailist!
Mmmm…vodka. Oh, wait, not politically correct! The vodka is Belgian!
No, no, and no. Just a common drunkard with a fantasy appetite.
*runs to the Uranium cave* Quick, Vlad is coming!
uranium apples? What ever happended to Gala, or granny smith, heck! even pink Lady apples!
…a quart of bread, a stick of milk, a loaf of butter…
loaf of butter? Is he shopping for Paula Deen?
Whut ayer yew tryan’ tew say, Darlin’? Ah cayan’t hayalp it thayat I yews moar buttahr thayan the average bayar!
What the heck does he want with OJ? He already knows how to kill people and get away with it.
LMAO!! Good one, Cap’t!
Capt Wow = Awesomeness….
Yet another moronic left/democratic picture/caption…
It’s so funny that he is shopping and uranium is on his list? Russia has had nuclear bombs for decades….
We as Americans are being trained to believe we are the only nation capable of peacfully keeping Nuclear weapons… when we are the ONLY nation to ever have nuked anyone!!
Cruiser = disfunctional
Maybe he’s Tom Cruise in disguise?
Why is this caption of Putin even remotely funny? Pelase explain.
Lemme explain {http://books.google.com/books?id=V8DHIBaak-QC&dq=it%27s+not+funny+if+I+have+to+explain+it+dilbert&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=gFsyS5D2JYXasQPLvN3FBA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CBUQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=&f=false}
Does that help?
You don’t think this is funny? What do you think is funny then, fvckwad?
Peanut Butter…. you are a loser who I see commenting on everything posted on this site…. do you even pretend to have a life?
Better commenting than silently stalking. Same amount of time is spent in both cases.
Thanks Jane…. Cruiser I think it’s nappy time… come on, you want a glass of warm milk prior to your nap. You seem like you’re in a grumpy mood, you want your teddy?
Okay, honestly? Calling someone a “loser” as your only comment about them pretty much outs you as a 12 year old.
Thanks Rando, I was thining of going with the “I know you are but what am I…” however the “I’m rubber your glue…” woulda worked in this case as well.
I’m jelly, you’re penut butter, everything you say slowly slips off of me and sticks to you! HA! *gows back to playing on the swings*
And for the record I’m strawberry jelly. Grabe jelly is meh.
I hate grabe jelly. Goddamn grabes.
Equal points would have been given for either.
More points if you raspberried. Pppfffff!
This is Putin… how is this funny. Do you a$$clowns believe the US is the only country who should have nuclear weapons?
Russia has had nukes for nearly as long as us, and yet they still haven’t bombed innocent civillians as we did…..
Why is Uranium funny? Why does this “news” blog post a caption of Putin every 5 posts? It’s old and not funny at all.
I hope Santa gives you a sense of humor for Christmas, and because I’m feeling mean I’ll add what else I’m thinking, I hope the wizard gets you that brain you’re in need of.
I see….
Still can’t tell me why this is even remotely funny you dumba$$ yuppy.
*giggle* I’m a yuppy! Does that mean I’m rich? Whoohoo!
I think it just means you’re perpetually stuck in the 80′s with one of those gigantic cell phones.
It means that you drink daily Starbucks frappacinos and smell your own farts for pleasure. You often eat granolla while hiking and own at least two pairs of ‘clogs’. You have a bike rack on your Subaru and your wife looks like she’s dating Ellen Degeneres. You compost your own turds and shop exclusively at the Apple store.
This sounds really well thought out. Do you work on these issues with your therapist? If not, you really should.
I don’t know if we have an Apple store here. Does that mean we don’t have any yuppies?
No Apple store, no yuppies.
Huh, I always thought I was unmarried, hated apple, flushed my turds down the toleit, didn’t own a car, can’t afford daily frappacinos, rarely go hiking and dislike granola. I’ve also double checked the closet and couldn’t find a single pair of clogs. Sorry.
I keep reading the ‘pair of clogs’ as ‘pair of dogs’ and start wondering what it means if you only have one dog?
Just remember when you get to England that the bathrooms are WCs, else you will be recycling your turds.
You hate Apple and dislike granola?
I revoke my permission for you to call me Nebbi. You are dead to me. Dead, I say.
…could you at least throw me a wake?
Sure, especially since it’s us live people who have all the fun!
Don’t worry, I have every intention of coming by and haunting my own wake. May also drink a large amount of the booze.
you say all that like they’re bad things… what’s wrong with sewage treatment plants? and no body can shop exclusively at an apple store – there’s no meat or or bread, or potatoes, or beer, or scotch, or puppy toys; let alone clothes.
you’re going to be such a blast to be around today, did santa bring you nothing but coal this year and no carbon offsets?
what are toothpaste uranium apples?
theory! looks like apple but is glowing, and has creamy mint toothpaste filling.