SIZE DOES MATTER
SIZE DOES MATTER
Of the bank account, that is
(Rupert and Wendi Murdoch)
It won’t end well (Via Roflrazzi)
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Cheezburger Network Blog
At least a reason to become ritch ^-^
I’m glad it was specified cause there for a minute I thought they were talking about his nose.
Hey is that a Jewish comment?!?! That’s just being a bigot. Of course if it is then you would know they weren’t talking about his lower extremity. I mean ummm DAMN IT!!!
ANTI-SEMITE!!!!!!!!!!1111elevenone
He’s against semen?!
Damn semen have been impregnating our womenz since at least 1969!
MUST YOU INSEMINATE THEM ALL??!!?!?!
Maybe he just meant that the guy has a big nose…which he does.
**head to desk, head to desk head to desk** NOTE Sarcasm!! At least SB got it.
MMMUUUUURRRRDDDDEEEEERRRR!!!!!!!1111!!!!!
Murdoch is Jewish?
Meh.
seems like this would make a good graph jam. Size of bank account/ attractiveness of woman.
And vice versa?
Well, that’s not necessarily true. There are plenty of hotties with low self esteem that marry us normal guys.
Reminds me of that country song “She Don’t Know She’s Beautiful.”
Describes my wife. She’s so much prettier than she gives herself credit for. Me? After 12 1/2 years together I still drool over her.
I’m about to marry a ‘normal guy’. Broke as a convict and tells me just about every day that I’m a hottie.
Even in quotes there is no such thing as a normal guy. We’re all pretty abnormal, even to our own standards. The only thing most guys have in common, we’re naive enough to think a back rub means sex, no matter what if the food is BBQ’d and free we’ll eat it, and we giggle at the word or sight of boobies.
*giggles* You said boobies.
I don’t giggle at the sight of boobies. I just end up in a trance.
Uuuuhhhhhhh…..boooooooobiiiieeeessssss………..
Okay, now that actually sounds kinda creepy.
10 years for Lynn and I. I can’t help but chase her when she wiggles past and my hand won’t keep to itself when she bends over. And damn does she smell great. @_@
ok, i need an educated opinion… so i was hoping you’d stop by soon.
for halloween i’m doing this weird costume and i need to purchase one additional part.
should i get… a) riding crop, b) cat o nine tails, or c) whip?
you’re probably the only person here who can answer this in an educated manner.
THANKS WYRMY! *shakes tassels*
XD
A Riding Crop would be the lowest maintainence and also be the easiest to carry around. It is a simple sign of authority.
A whip is a symbol of a person wanting to control many but it can be lengthy and get in the way. BUT, you can wrap it around yourself for ease of travel.
A Cat o Nine is an implement of punishment, more so than the crop or whip. A whip you crack to get attention and a crop is for simple corrections. A Cat o Nine means you are ready to lay down the law for an infraction.
So it depends on what you are going for. Ease of travel, a particular message, etc. Personally, I would suggest a Riding Crop, easier to deal with if you are going about.
And this from my mentor.
“a crop thens to be the weapon of choice with dommes since it targest small spots like inner thighs and wicked on balls”
So that might help the case too. XD
riding crop it is.
Glad I could help.
I like whips for the visual effect, flogs for the fun. It takes a lot of skill and practice to use a single tail without hurting someone, so carrying one implies a lot of power, control and confidence To me, anyway. Riding crops are fun too, although I don’t have as much experience with those, but I understand they’re not as challenging to use and extremely versatile.
Just my 2 cents.
Pretty much. A whip is a statement that you have the skill to control more than one individual at a time, hence the reach and precision.
Crop is a up close toy.
Wow. That is some expert advice. If I ever have any sort of leather/dominatrix/fetish questions, I know who to ask!
And if I don’t know it offhand, I can easily find out when I get a hold of my mentor. Either way, you’ll get an answer.
And by “us” you mean people other then you.
Because so many people are prostitutes at heart!
For Murdoch’s money? Hell, I’D marry the asshole.
I guess. But then you are just whoring out for cash. And isn’t there some way to find happiness that doesn’t come at the bottom of a pot of gold?
“As long as I’m on pills, and got plenty of pot. I’ll be in a canoe paddling. Making fun of your yacht.”
Just a fun (and one of the few good) Eminem quotes.
Frankly, I’m just kidding. I really don’t see myself ever marrying for money. I’d be happy with being able to do clothes shopping at some time other than “final clearance 90% off” and being able to get a soda at the gas station without wondering if it will affect the weekly budget any.
I figured most people would be kidding. Its fun to say “sure i’m marry him for cash” until the sex conversation comes up.
Anna Nicole sure was a champ.
Some people have different priorities. Some people place the accumilation of material wealth above all things including thier bodies, minds, families, spirit, laws, friends, loved ones, their country, their planet…etc…
True. Kinda sucks.
…and unfortunately, these are the corporate bastards in charge of, well…seems like everything.
Then by god we take it back.
Porch monkeys! We’re takin’ it back!
Come to think of it…I think Grandma might have been kind of racist…
YA THINK?!??!!
I’m disgusted and repulsed and….. I can’t look away.
Bah. I follow the advice of the Wisest Man Ever:
If you’re too lazy to beat ‘em, join ‘em!
Actually, there’s plenty of people living at or below the poverty line with exactly that attitude. Unfortunately, these are the people who tend to accumulate their material wealth by, say, breaking into your house while you’re at work, or blowing up half your neighborhood with their stupid meth lab.
Or marrying some douche bag because he has a job, and well, he’s UNION too!
DAMN Unions!! Friends don’t let friends date Union Members.
I figure union members are just fine, so long as it isn’t the Teamsters…who seem to be scary to me. But male members of the Kennedy family! Beware! Beware!
What male members of the Kennedy family? They’re all dead.
The upper reaches of the Teamsters have historically had some issues, at least some of which have improved considerably; the individual members and local officials are — well, like any other cross-section of society, there’s a mix of great guys and assholes, but in general they’re ok guys (and gals…).
Hey when he keels over you’d be rich. Besides you can’t buy happiness, or buy love, but you certainly can buy sex.
But he still gets to hit it. Thanks to Viagra. Another drug making its contribution to society, you know similar to curing cancer. However that fits into VNV’s Anti-Capitolism, it’s more profittable to fix a guy’s weiner than cure his prostate.
You will find that most things fit into conflict theory. You just have to choose whether or not that is how you want to believe it.
Yeah, but how’s he going to get the pills and the pot and the canoe? He’s gonna pay for it, that’s how.
But, um, YEAH, money can buy happiness, depending on what makes you happy.
I’ve experienced quite a lot of happiness thanks to times when I’ve had an abundance of money, and spread that money around in a manner of my choosing (as opposed to having to spread it around it in a way of some other jackass’s choosing).
I mean, yeah, leave a $20 dollar tip on a $20 dollar meal, to some obviously overworked hostess who actually did provide good service. Feels good.
Also, I buy books. Much joy in reading. Also in having a complete collection of Star Trek novels I can revisit any time I want to.
I don’t think money can directly buy happiness. I guess it depends on your mindset. Money can buy security, and that security can in turn relieve enough stress to help you enjoy more of life and be happier. But I have a feeling if I won Powerball tomorrow that it wouldn’t actually make me happy.
The problem with the Money Can’t Buy Happiness idea is that it oversimplifies things. What is one of the biggest rifts that can open in a marriage?? Money.
I don’t believe you can directly buy it. Happiness is an emotion and state of being, thus not for sale. But you sure as hell can get pretty close if you don’t have money worries.
Happiness is a matter of steps. If I won the Powerball, I would clear up a lot of my headaches and then look for happiness.
Yeah, pretty much. Or maybe I could put it this way: Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can certainly buy less misery.
If you are careful with the money, and notice who your friends really were beforehand. I knew someone won the lottery twice. It didn’t end well.
How ’bout Money Can Make You Less Unhappy?
Sounds good to me! Right up there with the timeless “We Suck Less!” business model.
Excellent! Let’s throw it in a shiny box and sell it for three easy installments of $29.99!
OMG… did we just figure out “Step 2″: ?
Money may not buy happiness but I would much rather be miserable on my 80 foot yacht, anchored off of Fiji, than in an 8X10 cubicle at Gargantuo Corp International Inc.
True, if you’re gonna be miserable either way, might as well have some fun doing it.
Money can’t buy happiness bit it can sure make the search for it a lot easier and more comfortable.
Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can help you climb the steps of Maslow’s Pyramid a lot more easily.
I could do a lot more self-actualization if I spend less time worrying about Physiology and Safety (Esteem is fine… my pyramid of Needs is kinda bumpy there.)
money can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a good imitation
If money can’t buy happiness, I guess I’ll have to rent it.
May I suggest my brother’s motto: Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure as hell helps.
(Not only a union boy, but a Teamster AND cute as can be.)
Money can’t buy happiness, but lack of money can sure as hell buy you some misery.
I’d much rather have it and work from there.
I’ll tell you right here and now we’d be a frick of a lot happier if we had a bunch more money. How, you may ask? We’d buy a separate house for our adult daughter and she’d live there and we wouldn’t have to deal with her. Fricking paradise on Earth, guaranteed.
Hey, there’s always George Soros.
You gotta keep your options open, you know? LOL
The question isn’t about if you are a prostitute, it’s over the price.
*cries for humanity*
Would sound better if you said “weep for humanity”.
or even “weeps”. Yeah. No edits on PK or I could go fix all those noones.
….and somewhere across the sea, the former lead singer of “Herman’s Hermits” crossed his legs and flinched.
While my guitar gently weeps for humanity…
C’mon man, don’t get all amped up about it. Don’t let ‘em string you along.
Now, now, don’t pick him apart.
As long as we can reach an a-chord on the subject.
We can be totally in tune here. Just as long as we don’t get too wired up about it.
Of course not. Just b-sharp as a tack, and you’ll do fine.
The Marshall Plan!!
Brak, you always get me riffed.
Just make sure you take notes….makes it easier to finger things out.
This just in: all women are whores. (Proof above)
Including, and especially, your mom.
WMN: Doesn’t have a mom, he/she was born of a goat.
Well that ruins the joke, doesn’t it?
That goat was a whore!
His mom’s a goat!
Did I say goat, I meant Bull. I get those two animals confused, they look so similar.
I’m sure you’ll figure out the difference when you “go for it”
son of a motherless goat?
“If there is any attempt for either contestant to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, I am just gonna snap. Do I make myself clear?”
World History, flaming dog poo and the human response, or my wife the tramp?
I award you no points, and my God have mercy on your soul.
A simple “wrong” would have been fine.
Truth be told, the majority of women (not all) need to be impressed by a few nice dates before sex. Most guys (not all) would drop their pants as soon as a woman asked. So in a way sex is a barter system until marriage.
“Most guys (not all) would drop their pants as soon as a woman asked.”
Or possibly before then…
“Oh you mean you weren’t coming on to me? Well this is awkward.”
I’m anti-pants. Kilts FTW!
Also I wouldn’t drop my pants for a woman.
I’d drop my kilt for one…or raise it.
Becuz if it isn’t Scottish…………
Becuz if it isn’t Scottish…………
that should read “if it’s nay scottish……..” to which the answer is “tis crap!”
THAT’S what I meant!
and you gotta roll the “r” out for a while in crap.
Heh…you mean CRRRRRRRRRRRRRAP!!!!!
exactly.
A silver haggis te ye, lass….and lang may yer lum reek!
mmm haggis. yum.
Might I offer you a Scrapple sammich?
Jeff Foxworthy joke:
He took some advice about how to spice up his love life and decided to meet his wife at the door in the nude after work.
And now he’s being sued by UPS.
Ted: “Robin tell them how he got you.”
Robin: “He did naked man.”
i would normally tend to agree with you…
however, i don’t think a “nice date” is an indicator of much of anything anymore. anyone can pull out a credit card and rack up more debt in an effort to make themselves look better. so, when i came down with the flu a week after a first date and the guy came over with chicken noodle soup and a copy of princess bride… i was sold.
i think with the change in economic situations women are starting to look for different things as indicators. money is not the deciding factor for most of us anymore. we’re finding other indicators.
well there’s a plus to the recession after all.
Depending on how you define “nice date” I guess! I’ve never been terribly impressed with “let me dazzle you with mah MONEH!” guys, myself, but if the point is that women (in general) like to get to know a guy a little before they decide whether they want to sleep with him? Yeah, I’d agree with that.
I’ll take Diss to the 7-Eleven and Walmart!!!
Woo-hoo! You gonna buy me a Slurpee?
In the DOMO Cup. I think you’re worth it!!
Awww!
aww that’s so sweet.
(can you bring me back some jalapeno taquitos?)
Get the jalapeno & cheddar big bite. It’s to die for!
When you say ‘it’s to die for’ is that because it will actually kill you?
If it does, it’s worth it!
On Sunday I ate McDonald’s for the first time in a few months. It made me feel sick after. I’ll be remembering my combo meal later today while I attempt to sweat it off at the gym.
CURSE YOU CHEEZEBURGERS!!!
Now, see, in comparison I’ve been eating horrid amounts of it lately because I’m always addicted to their stupid Monopoly game promotion every year. So much for the 5 pounds I lost. Oh noes! I’m feeding into the industrial food complex again!!
Don’t worry no cows died in the making of McDonald’s Hamburgers!!!
Maybe if you were a REAL liberal you would wean your family off of the industrial food complex, grow your own food, hug trees, and grow the hemp from which to weave your own clothes. Ya stoopid poser!!!
I know, right? If only I had several acres of land with which to start my personal farm. Oh, and the money to buy my own cows, chickens, pigs, and farm equipment. I doubt my landlord would appreciate me turning the backyard into my hippie farm. LOL
Too bad all the large tracts of land are owned by crazy, gun-toting conservatives.
Is it possible to be a land-owning, crazy, gun-toting liberal? If I’ve weaned my family off the industrial food complex & hug trees?
I personally own my own land and guns, and I shoot trees and hug cows.
He shoots the trees, but he uses all the meat. Nothing goes to waste on those trees.
I hugged a cow once. Stepped in a nasty-patty on the way out there. So GROSS! Totally not worth it.
@ Max & Isildo – Did the cows give you permission to hug them? You could get your asses sued for these unwelcomed advances toward our bovine citizens!
Actually, I think he kinda liked it. Which is even weirder than if he were upset with me. And probably much, much safer.
From what I’ve been told by my married friends, sex is a barter system after marriage too. Just for different things.
A professor of mine told me of marriage counciling he had done. In the end he actually set up a system for them.
The man had to do a certain amount of “sweet” things for his wife.
After this number of things had been done, the wife was obligated to have sex with the husband.
After a month the couple was thrilled, and when the doctor suggested coming off the system and seeing if the lesson stuck they said they’d rather have the system up.
Thought it was interesting.
wow… that’s a bit depressing actually.
Yeah, totally.
That’s why I have no plans on getting married any time soon
Well, marriage doesn’t have to be like that.
Oh, I know that. But the guy I was engaged to, well, it would have been. No, my problem now is I’ve been single too long and am entirely too set in my ways.
-hugs mina- bitter troll knows your pain, havent dated in like 3 years
*hugs bitter troll back* thanks. Been about 2 years for me. The only time it bothers me is the holidays though. Kind of like arthritis, cold weather brings it on.
meh lemme drop the troll persona a moment, ya i got both of that, the arthritis in the knees and a lonely heart. its gonna another hard halloween
being the only single person.
Halloween and the other holidays are gonna suck hard at our house too for totally different reasons. *hugs Mina & grimmie (but in a totally hetero way, yo)*
halloween is my favoritist of all hollidays. would live in halloween town year round if i could
mina – i used to hate being single. all my friends were dating and/or engaged. but i realized that i was hotter than all of them and that most of them were pretty miserable. all of a sudden, being single wasn’t so bad. so, when you’re feeling upset going into the holidays single… look at how many fights they get into over the holidays and thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to deal with that BS.
grimmie – *hugs* i’ve got arthritis, so i know what you mean. i love fall and winter, but i also really hate them.
rando – you’ve definitely got a totally different reason. but you’ve got a beautiful, loving family (her included). while you’ve got a lot to be upset about, you’ve got a lot to be thankful for too. (and i know this sounds a lot like “shut up, you’ve got a lot” but i can’t figure out how to word it any other way. i know you’re having a rough time but you’ve got a beautiful family, literally.)
I know how you feel grimmie. I’m the only single chick in my group o’ friends. So I get to sit at the Halloween party and watch all my friends with their SO’s. If it gets too bad I’ll just get drunk.
YAY BOOZE!!! take away mah lonely pain
And this is what I get for not refreshing the page before I comment- Thanks TOS, I’ll have to remember that. But I have some seriously hot friends. Like I’d do any of them any day of the week and twice on Sundays kind of hot. Hm…now there’s an idea…
I know I do, shortright, and as much as I hate how you phrased that, I know you mean well. And don’t worry about saying anything helpful, because frankly there isn’t anything that is helpful, except “I’m thinking of you.” I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything, seriously, and I appreciate my other two everyday. They’re the reason that my wife and I keep getting up when it seems far more sensible to just stay in bed forever. Unfortunately, the holidays are just going to be awful. I saw a “baby’s first Christmas” santa suit at work the other day and I thought I was gonna have to go home sick.
Oh, and Mina, shortright has a point. When you’re thinking about how hard being single at the holidays is, remember that people in relationships/married people are busy fighting over whose family they have to put up with this year.
Ah, Grimmie/BT…oy, my knees could tell you stories!!!! You hear that? Like popping bubble wrap they sound!
I’ve had kyphoscoliosis for most of my life (translation: my spine looks like a question mark). Unfortunately it wasn’t discovered until it was too late to do anything about it. For a long time, it didn’t bother me, but in the last several months my back has really been bothering me.
(WTF, we sound like a bunch of old people complaining about their ailments!!!)
Early Christmas!
*sends rando his undying sympathy and an I’m thinking of you card*
*sends grimmie/BT a share of his lifetime subscriptions to Bio-Freeze and Advil…try grindin’ ‘em up and snortin’ ‘em, dude!*
*sends mina a holiday sized box of hugs to keep you going. Cuz I remember more than once I could have used one*
mina – don’t switch teams. women are INSANE.
rando – i am thinking of you guys. and i can’t understand it, but i definitely sympathize with you having to see all the “baby’s first” stuff. *hugs* as for your back, stress can REALLY mess up your back. it’s my biggest issue with my arthritis (spondyloarthropathy)… stress flares me all the time.
TOS- don’t worry about me switching teams. Been there, done that, have no plans on going back. I agree, women are insane!
Brak- Thanks!
tell us more about your time switching teams mina…doyou have pictures?
streaming video?
Guys….I’ve suffered with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the fibromyalgia that goes with it for many a year. Might I suggest some form of martial arts training, either Wing Chun or Tai Chi. Both are low impact. It’s the motion and the chi enhancement that both develop that have helped me enormously. I swear, if I didn’t continue to practice at my creaky old age I’d be bloody immobile. Check it out. The Tai Chi is a bit more internally oriented but the Wing Chum will give you defensive skills more quickly…and does not take as much room to perform.
Goddammit! I hate when I forget to change my freakin’ socks!
shortright–What you said is very true. Those who haven’t gone through it really can’t understand it, and it’s a club that hates getting new members. 2009 is pretty well shot, I think. We’re hoping 2010 (after her birthday that is) will be a time of slow recovery. As for Mina, from what I’ve heard from girls who have played for both teams is the same thing you’ve said, although the words “crazy” and “bitches” are interchanged often in the “Girls are…” sentence from them. Sure, it’s okay if chicks say it about each other, but if WE say it, then it’s bad. Whatever.
no no, bitches be crazy!
Just FYI, any and all photographic evidence of the very brief switching of the teams has been destroyed. Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I might run for office one day. Can’t chance it, ya know?
Dude, are you kidding me? A girl who plays for both teams almost automatically gets my vote.
awwwww ok come to florida we will make new ones
Like how the “almost” was thrown in there.
LOL I can’t go to FL- at least not right now. I’ve already used all my vacation time to go to FL earlier this year. Maybe next year.
Well, hot girl on girl action is great and all, but I really want to see some health care reform, and that’s a pretty big issue.
bah, should of hung out with bitter troll this year then
Well, I do plan on making it a yearly trip. Don’t think my nephew will want to share though. I’m his favorite aunt! ^_^
mina, you dated my>/b> ex-fiancee??
tagging fail. damn my fingers.
Hm… must be. God forbid there be two of them out there.
Gah! be = have. My brain hasn’t shown up to work yet. It must’ve called off sick or something.
skinny scrawny guy?
smoked a lot of weed?
couldn’t keep a job if his life depended on it?
lived in his mothers basement?
if you answered yes to all of these, then i’m certain we were engaged to the same guy.
(and yes, i know this all reflects poorly on me (more specifically, my taste in men) too… but i was young, and stupid, and in college. did i mention i was young and stupid? i redeemed myself by ditching him after graduation, right?)
My God, you were engaged to my sister-in-law’s ex boyfriend and baby daddy? He really gets around. You just described him in detail perfectly. I’ve always hated that dude.
O.o Yes to all except living in his mom’s basement, but that’s probably only because there are no basements in southern Louisiana. Wow, scary.
And yeah, I know what you mean. I was young, stupid, and in college too. But I ditched him not long after I left college.
Lol…everybody’s dated that guy at least a few times. (Or for the guys, knows someone who did!)
ya pisses me off big time he gets dates all the time, and i cant seem to get a girl to want more then to be good good friends.
Oh lord, grimmie, do I know that boat. Hell, if I hadn’t found my wife, I’d likely still be in that boat. And I know way too many women who consistently date losers and assholes when there ARE nice, decent guys out there (like you for example, you seem like the decent sort). Of course, in high school, when I kept getting that “just friends” line it was because the girls I was asking out were closet lesbians. No, I’m serious. One of them got married to another chick this year.
i would rather the lesbians date each other then me, they would be happier lol
All right, that’s enough! You all know you’re only bitching about me cuz you’re jealous cuz my comic collection is SO DAMN FINE!!! *ssssssppppppppp….oooohhhhhhhh* Maaaaannnnnnn……..
lol how much time at the mall is to much time? i dont mind shopping, but dont want to just linger like some teen or creepy old person power walker
My brother had similar luck, Mina. Two of his girlfriends ended up changing teams. We were starting to think maybe it was us. Although at this point I’m starting to think that all women play for both teams to a certain extent. Some have embraced it more than others.
Shortright- yes, let’s just go with that.
Grimmie- There’s really no time limit, it’s more how you act while you’re there. Telling your gf that something looks good on her is ok. Telling her that it’s so last season and then handing her a dozen other things to try because it’s “more in style” isn’t ok.
Rando- Ok, so the club now consists of you, me, and your brother. In related news I just found out via Facebook that a guy I was interested in while in high school has now come out, so I’m pretty sure it’s me. I’m just going to change my name to Grace and go to design school. LOL
You’re right! *sigh* You would think by now I’d remember to refresh the page before commenting. Sorry. Ok, so that’s 4 in the club. Who’s bringing cookies?
I’ll try to get some cake from my prom date’s lesbian wedding. How about that?
Rando- Cake would work. Especially wedding cake!
Diss- Would you like to join our club? We have cake! Or, er, um… we WILL have cake at some point after Rando gets it from that wedding!
Yay, cake!
cake or death?
bitter – “hmm, i’ll choose death. wait! no no! just kidding i meant cake.” “we’re running a bit low on cake. didn’t expect so many people to want it.”
diss – i wanna hear the evidence that you missed.
Shortright I second that! What was the missed evidence? Inquiring minds want to know!
Hey, we didn’t marry until I was 27 (he was 33) so we were probably ’set in our ways,’ but it’s lasted just fine. You must choose wisely (especially if you don’t want to be the Nazi lady falling into the big crack).
The thing is, some people just need to be nudged a little. For some people it’s easy to get in a rut after a few years of marriage and they forget what it was like at the beginning.
They probably liked the routine and had something to look forward to. I also think most people enjoy doing nice things for their S.O. and know that it’s appreciated.
Hearing him explain it wasn’t quite as depressing. The point of the lecture was basically that men do sweet things for sex. Women have sex to get emotional love. Bartering.
The couple just didn’t want to slip back into the rut.
I hate to break it to you, but even with somebody we love completely, sometimes having/wanting sex is about SEX. Really. Lol.
Agreed! And the best sex is the spontaneous kind, regardless of where you are. In fact, I’m thinking that if there’s a possibility you will be caught out, it tends to make it that more intense.
Like the apartment complex’s laundry room. Not that I know anything about that. O_O
Yep… that’s the last time I fold my undies on top of the dryer… THE LAST TIME!
*snerk* I thought guys wore shorts, and women wore undies. Is there something you want to tell us, Max?!?
Women wear panties, except my wife who goes insane when you say that word around her.
Um, I don’t know about the dryer, but I will say that the washer is fun, especially when it’s on the spin cycle and just a little bit off level.
On top of the dryer? Nah, we just…um, you probably don’t want to know about this.
Had no doubt you would be the one saying that!
Hey, I’m honest.
The disturbing thing about this to me is that it seems to conceptualize sex as some kind of favor she’s doing for him.
Yeah, WTF!
Yeah–either someone needs some learning time with…batteries, and/or the other someone isn’t doing his job right!
It’s doing the same thing for his favors. Like bringing her flowers or anything like that.
Yeah, but it implies that women don’t enjoy sex.
That’s it, and far more concisely and clearly than I put it. On the other hand, there seems to be a lot of women who will do something like “Well, he didn’t mow the lawn, so I won’t have sex.” That’s never made sense to me. Why would I punish you by giving up something I enjoy? “He didn’t mow the lawn, so I’m just going to make myself a sandwich and he can get his own damn dinner” makes a lot more sense to me.
Ugh, I can’t even imagine being with a woman who didn’t enjoy sex. How boring. Apparently the most adventurous thing my brother’s ex-wife did was do it doggy style. That shocked the hell out of me when he told me that. (FTR, I’m not necessarily associating how adventurous one is with how much s/he enjoys sex, but for this woman, it was pretty much dead on.)
So they could both watch X-Files?
HA! You made me lol
HA! Bloodhound Gang FTW! But no, I’d wager even watching X-files while doing it would be too kinky for them.
the guy i’m dating grew up super sheltered… so he’s quite vanilla in bed. i have handcuffs and corsets and all sorts of stuff… i think i might as well just pack them away for a while. i’m hoping that my halloween costume might spark something less vanilla though. *crosses fingers*
Baby steps, TOS…baby steps. See if you can get him to talk a little about stuff he’s fantasized about and work from there. He’s probably just a little repressed.
diss – tried the talking. it usually ends with “no, really, i’m really happy with things how they are”. hell, he’s the one guy i’ve ever met who doesn’t like BJs… i had to ask him why he’s never asked for one. i have NEVER met a guy who would turn them down. NEVER.
He doesn’t like WHAT?!? Are you sure he’s human?
WHAT?!?! A GUY THAT DOESN’T LIKE BJS?!?! I’ve never heard of such a thing!
-lifts his hand- can i have his then?
rando/s_b – i know… i don’t get it. i don’t understand it. he’s larger, so i’m sure he’s had a bad experience or two… but to say flat out “no”…? i don’t get it.
There is something wrong with that guy.
Although I made my partner stop, because she has an overactive gag reflex, and Little Slaggy is averse to acid.
TOS….CALL ME!!!!!!!
grimmie – bwa ha ha ha! i love you but that’s gonna have to be a no… i’m trying to convince him to accept his.
@TOS. Baby steps. The more he gets comfortable with you, the more adventurous he will be willing to try. Trust will make for rewards over time!
Why do I know… Um. I think I’ll take the 5th on this one!!
He wanted to take them off the system so that they knew that neither idea SHOULD be conceptualized, but they would rather have it that way.
Although, come to think of it, if she didn’t much enjoy sex, I guess it would make sense as a quid pro quo sort of thing. And I guess some people just don’t.
Yeah, I can see that. I have a friend who doesn’t like giving blow jobs, so she only does it on special occassions
I guess it could work that way.
On the other hand, it’s kind of weird to make your partner do sexual things that they don’t enjoy. I wouldn’t want my partner to go down on me if I knew he hated it.
Fortunately he doesn’t
I guess there’s a difference between “things they don’t get much out of” and “things they find repugnant”….the former being something I’d be comfortable requesting as an occasional favor, and the latter just…not, because that wouldn’t be any fun.
Well….yeah. That’s kind of my point. It’s the concept of Step 1: Do something for me that I like but that you don’t get anything much out of (e.g. flowers); Step 2: Then we can do something together that’s fun for both of us! That doesn’t make much sense to me.
Maybe she wasn’t getting much out of it, so she never really felt like having sex. But… um… he needed more practice! So once she was forced to have sex with him he got better at it. After only a few months, he actually managed to get her off!
Or something.
It is not just a matter of being “impressed”. It is a natural instinct for a women to need to know that a man can substain and provide for her due to one simple basic fact: SHE CAN GET PREGNANT. Now yes there are your gold diggin ho’s but I believe this is almost genetic..
Now let the lashing from the ‘I don’t need a man crowd’ begin……
Let me be the first to say “I DONT NEED NO STEENKIN MAN!”
Or power — see: Kucinich, Elizabeth.
pssst, that’s ok, he’s older than her father but they’re liberal Democrats…
Do you always have to be such a douche?
really there is nothing wrong with this, HE knows she is just with him for his money, SHE knows it too. they are not pretending. if your gonna whore yourself out to some rich old guy, atleast be honest about it, then meh who are you hurting? tacky? ya, but there are far worse things in the world.
That’s true. How many people with trophy wives are out for true love anyway? No, they just to run around with a hottie wife and want motorboating privileges. Not my cup of tea, but who am I to judge?
I’M ON A BOAT
Nitty gritty time. Ladies, can you tell us how it might feel if Rupert is your husband and he’s had his viagra and his warm milk and now he wants a bit with his wife. Light on or not? Look deep into that nose, I mean wrinkly eyes and tell me… Are you getting all horned up?
pfft close your eyes, use some lube and just keeping repeating his name for the next 5 minutes till he is finished and you can get back to sex and the city
Wait, just before his milk, he gave you tomorrow’s shopping spree: a wad large enough to choke a horse. Does that give him longer than 5 minutes at it? How silly of me to forget the cash.
If he goes longer than 5 minutes, he’s gonna need an ambulance.
Or an oxygen tank, like Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet.
I think I may have just put myself OFF sex for the rest of the day. Or off food. Or both.
I guess old guys giving you wads is not your bag.
Maybe when I’m 80. We’ll have to wait and see.
Oh, and the image that freaked me out was the Dennis Hopper thing. That was one creepy movie.
Eureka! Nail head! SHE keeps him up all night! What a pot at the end of the rainbow… Is it any wonder he looks like that… The poor ol geezer must be on his last… ahh, viagra pill. He leaves for heaven, that’s when I turn up… What’s her name again?
OMG, it’s the perfect plan! She’s fvcking him to death to get his money! She’s an evil genius!!!
I would like to add that when it comes time for to die, I would also like to be fvcked to death. Thank you.
my mamma always said that if you marry for money, you earn every penny of it
Yeah. This gal has a job. It is called being married to him. And when he’s gone, she’ll retire…and find out that no one is interested in her except for her money.
Reminds me of this time — Oh, wait….you’re talking about money. Never mind.
….. Go on…….
I don’t know, can he do that Six Flags old guy dance first? Is that an option?
If he finds out he’s getting some, he might just do that dance out of pure joy.
I’d rather puke through my nose. Maybe I am unusual but no amount of money is worth faking you are in love or attracted to someone whom you are not. Sorry…won’t happen EVER with me. Give me my sweet, handsome middle income husband. I pull in a good salary too and we don’t need ridiculous fancy things for our happiness. Sounds simple and old fashioned but is the truth.
Sounds good to me, jeannie. I won’t fault you for it.
Oh be a devil and fault her. Go on. You can do it. I have seen it in action. I know you got it in you.
Nah, I can’t. She sounds too nice. And happy. Who am I kidding? I HATE HAPPY PEOPLE!!!!
“There is nothing more annoying than a good example.” ~Mark Twain
I could make a big meany face at you if that would make you feel better?
Trust me, my husband and I have been through hell and back and came through fine. We survived what would have destroyed most marriages. I admire him all the more for being stronger half. Life for us has not been all rose covered cottages by the sea. What’s that old saying..Life is what happens while you are making other plans?
anyhow…I digress. That Rupert dude is just eeeewwwwww…….
A small jean genie snuck off to the city
Strung out on lasers and slash back blazers
Ate all your razors while pulling the waiters
Talking bout monroe and walking on snow white
New yorks a go-go and everything tastes nice
Poor little greenie, woh ho
Get back home
Bowie!!
Yes…you got it.
Well now, congratulations on having achieved the pinnacle of Middle Class American Mediocrity. Pardon my sarcasm but life was meant to be……… (fill in the blanks.) You both sound so happy that it almost makes me want to puke through my nose as well, with jealousy, envy and thankfulness, all mixed up. But I am happy for you that you will never have to stare at the ceiling while Rupert does his brief thang. You’ve done well, and well done. But… the beat goes on. Life calls. Live happily ever after. Good luck.
We’re changing your name to Bitter Smurf effective immediately.
No you are not. You can’t just go around changing peoples’ names at a whim. Who do you think you are? A Kenyan President or something? I believe you, too, have achieved the pinnacle of Middle Class American Mediocrity. But I now dub you a Smurfist… I see how much you love ists’. Now you got another one. Congratulations. You have just been Mediocrindoctrinated. And tomorrow you will be sanctified, promulgated and homogenised.
Oh puh-leaze. I work in retail. the Middle Class American Mediocrity would be a step up for me, bitter smurf.
Dear Smurfist, So you are in retail? Big deal. For all I know you are retailing moonshine and pot. I suspect the latter. I love you too. Signed BitterSweetSmurf
for all we know you have a few dozen dead tween boys in your crawlspace, molested and murdered. see assumeing is fun!
We are history as Bitterers. I can’t hang out with such an incredibly morbid and seriously deranged imagination. But I like you.
You’re a smurf and you’re dissing on pot smokers? Seriously? Looks like SOMEONE didn’t pay attention to the Saturday morning cartoons…
mina pumpkin, smurf’s are not pot people, they are shrooms people.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. How do you think I got like this? Too many Thai sticks goofs the memory. But acid repairs a little. Then there was, ahh, and, errr. Shrooms on toast is nice, too.
Bitter Troll- I know that. But they should respect one another in their “dudeness”. And pumpkin?
Smurf- Dude, hehehe, ah, the memories. Or lack there of. Whatever. I think I need to go find some Cheetos.
ya MINA, pumpkin! its close to halloween!
you perfer something else?
LOL, no, no, pumpkin is fine. I just haven’t heard that outside of Mississippi. Threw me off a little bit.
-pulls out his carveing knife- now lets carve a pumpkin for halloween! BA HA HA HA
Hm, Hey look at that!
*Rolls away quickly and silently*
-jumps on his pirate ship and starts to chase – YAR…how does bitter troll’s ship travel on land? MAGIC!
Does it travel by land or by air like the ship in Stardust? Either way that’s very cool. But I have another little trick up my sleeve-
*Turns into fruit fly and flies away*
Haha sucka! Shouldn’t leave the pumpkin out in the humidity.
-lil cupid wings pop out of the side of his bitter boat and he begins to chase- fire the cannons! fire nick cannon! he sucks!
*holds up white flag* I surrender! LOL
I doubt I could work in that retail business. I’d probably steal too much. :-X
Talking about stealing too much, you spend way too much time on that computer drivelling on, instead of retailing. Does the Retailing Management know exactly how much you are a tremendous drain on their resources and time?
how do you know hes not at home?
Keep this a secret. I have a crystal ball and I can see exactly what he’s up to, right now… He is crouched over a keyboard, tapping furiously away, and I can see this site on his screen. AND I can see the retailing he is supposed to be doing, but isn’t. Hey look out Smurfist, here comes the boss!
sooooo your a witch?
BURN THE WITCH
JESUS HATES WITCHS
BUUUUURN THE BITTER SMURF WITCH TO DEATH
Bitter troll, you got burned in the catholic Inquisition around 1493, I see. Jesus did not help you then, and he can’t help you now. He’s dead. Get over it and stop reading that tired old Jewish book nonsense. You’ll feel better.
I can’t be homogenized. I have a note from my doctor.
Dr Phil?
Dr. House.
And it says “it’s not lupus, and Smurf is an idiot.”
Dr. Pepper!
Does anyone have a paper towel? I’ve just spewed Dr. Pepper all over my monitor.
-offers his towel- sorry…ehehehe
Thank you!
-lifts the towel- didnt get any on your shirt did you?
Just now noticed this one. And sorry to tell you but I’ve already changed shirts. I always keep a spare in case of spewing Dr. Pepper incidents.
welcome to the bitter family bitter smurf
Hi, you bitter stinkin troll. Us bitters better stick together I guess, so we can be better bitters. You reckon?
sorry bitter troll does not drink moonshine swilling hillbilly
bitter doesn’t stink. He uses Irish Spring!
bitter troll loves to smell like the irish!
ewwww
Where’s Peanut Butter?
Thanks ummm I think? Not quite sure how to take your reply. Let’s just say we both earned our current “happiness” through heaping helpings of the other stuff over the years via many sources and stages of life. Myself, I don’t think of either of us as any sort of model of mediocrity. We don’t even have 1.5 children (or whatever that frequently quoted figure is…) Anyhow I guess my point is when you go through some major ordeals it makes you appreciate what is real and good. That’s all.
He can’t help it, it’s imprinted on his DNA.
Well, I came way down to the bottom and tried not to bother anyone, but yes, I had to say it…
Sorry Noobs…I see you love being last, but so do I. So until you do something, I AM LAST. A lot of these posts were pretty spontaneously funny, in my less than humble opinion. Even Rando, when he pulls his finger out. Noooob, why don’t you be FIRST next time?
why does he have to come from Australia?? I’m so f**ken embarrassed.
So true, because almost all women are lying, hypocritical whores. Even all you fat cows who are busy posting things about all the skinny hot chicks.
Who am I kidding, all women are lying, hypocritical whores.
Aw….sounds like somebody’s preparing to open fire on an aerobics class.
***snerk****!!!
“She who marries for money EARNS it!”