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It’s a shame no one told him the 72 virgins are 35 year old Star Trek fans living in their mothers basements
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Hey, maybe that’s his thing. Who are we to judge?
Hee!
It would be kinda funnty to see his face when he sees that among his prizes are Big Al, Joey Bisquits, Ned, Skeezer and Lumpy.
No no….I meant FUNNY! Must fire that secretary.
Old Joke. Funny first like 12 times. Blah! Besides you forgot the D & D fans.
Agreed, it’s so lame.
FYI: If a joke is on Family Guy it is considered dead.
Poor Adam West. He was so young…
But Adam West was in Zombie Nightmare, so it’s a well-deserved death.
LOL! I can’t believe I’m not the only one who’s seen “Zombie Nightmare”!
I dunno ILPB, Out of my circle of friends I was the only one to NOT play D&D, and I was the second to last to lose my virginity.
Hands and the internet don’t count!!!!!
Don’t knock it. My dad was a HUGE D&D fan. He wasn’t one who suffered from severe depression if his character died… but he ran campaigns with a few people who did.
What if he’s a StarTrek Virgin, too?
He’d probably be a shoo-in for supporting the Bajorans (DS9) in their campaign against the Cardassians.
I sense more of a Romulan thing from him. Maybe it’s the garlic I had with lunch…
goatee…funny thing on his head
clearly he is a klingon…and he smells like one too
As Walter would say, “I’d rather have 72 slutty broads that know what they’re doing!”
Yeah, that’s really funny. Wait till they find out they’re going to burn eternally in the fire that is not quenched, eaten by the worm that is not sated! That’ll teach them to believe in silly backward superstitions! While our Christian boys and girls who’re going to Iraq and Afghanistan to spread democracy will get crowns, harps, and wings!
Oh hell. HTML fail.
Why not? It matches Duncan’s ‘have a clue’ fail!
Wow, you’ve got the love of Jesus, don’t you? /sarcasm
You mean the same Jesus that stood and told those people that “You are of your father, the devil?”
I thought the book of John was evangelical teachings to jews of the greek persuasion?
I don’t get your point. Jesus still stood to the face of more than one man, and told them what they were. So did John the Baptist, ect…..
I was merely pointing out that the particular verse was spoken to people of non Islamic descent was all.
Ok, true. No harm, no foul. Sorry if I came across the wrong way. He did deal mostly with people of Hebrew ancestry, both in salvation and correction, while in his ministry.
That’s one thing that really bothered me about Christians… they take our book… add another half to it, then tell us that we’re wrong… Does anyone else see that arrogant?
THe 70 weeks of Daniel should explain a lot of that to you. The wild olive tree had to be grafted in.
And I don’t see that the Hebrews are cut off, or need to be “swept away” by the hand of God. I read where there will be people of EVERY nation saved, and every man will be judged according to what was revealed to him.
(look up the Jayhawker raids for the swept away comment)
Eh, to me it’s more like The Jews have the all inclusive rules for society… The ten Commandments. Follow them.
Simple enough right? Then Jesus had to come along and start adding to all of it! I mean everything that Jesus teaches relates directly back to the Ten Commandments. And in my opinion, something etched into stone by the firey hand of god, is a bit more clear and trustworthy than a biography written by a bunch of groupies
What I understand, the law was given to the Hebrews just to prove that man couldn’t do it alone. And it made nothing perfect. Every year you had to go back to the Temple and get sprinkled by the blood again. It was a way of God showing his strength through the Hebrews, and his Mercy through us Gentiles. Though he still used both with each group.
And I will say, build quite a foundation for us all. And it demonstrated the strength and weakness of Man. NOT ONE of us would make it without that mercy. Even David, a man after God’s own heart messed up big. But God used it to help him understand how he would be able to help others. (Psalms 51)
I’ve had this talk before with many a Christian friends of mine, as well as other fellow Jews, there are just key points in the religion where I look at Judaism, and then at Christianity, and I have to cock my head to the side and wonder “How did you Christian’s come up with THAT?!”
Max, I’m not fond of organized religion. And I see a lot of crazy doctrine there. So some of those things you and I would probably look at and say the same thing.
It also doesn’t help being raised Jewish, and then going to a church later in life… You kind of look around and go “What the hell happened 2000 years ago?”
Ok…here’s my obvious question of the day which no one has ever been able to answer for me in a way that brings me any comfort. *ahem*
If this god being exists, and if he is what he is said to be, and if he really and truly loves us and cares for us as a father does for his children, if we are his beloved creation in his own image….then why, in the face of all this foolish and deadly dogmatic confusion and hostility, doesn’t he take the most direct, logical and helpful course of action and POP ON IN FOR A CHAT! Why doesn’t he simply, in his own inimitable fashion (preferably without the fire, famine and flood) come down, gather his children around him and say, “OK, kids, look…HERE is what I meant. Never mind all those books and stories. I think you have enough time and history and experience under your belts to hear it directly from Me and then conduct yourselves accordingly. Now……here’s the Truth!” No apocolypse, no 2012, no violence and suffering of any sort. Just a face to face, heart to heart talk between a father and his wayward and rather stupid children who need it badly. Doesn’t this make more sense and isn’t it more indicative of a just and loving God than just sending the Four Horsemen? I mean, geeze…even Divorced Dad comes around at least every other weekend!
And please, no chapter and verse, and no “It’s not for us to question….”…it IS for us to question! It’s our lives and our survival. We are not gods but neither are we insignificant. All I want is, if I have a universal father, for him to stop by for a visit and say, “Look son, here’s the real deal.”…to help us improve ourselves and become better creatures. I’m not asking for a miraculous transformation of the world (though it would be sweet)…just clear, doubt free guidance from Dad. And before anyone says it, nobody’s book is that.
I sure would like an answer to this one.
Kick ‘em in the aposteriori even if you epistomol(ogy) off!
This is making me ad nauseum!
And ad *hoc!*
You had a priori intoxication going?!?
*uurpp* uh…sorry. My ipso got all facto. Ugh.
I kant justify a critique of pure raisin, but I hope that pino noir is very tasse-worthy.
Hey, Brek, why don’t you ask God for some of the answers you need? If nothing else, it can’t hurt.
If Jesus showed up again the way you described, I have no doubt people would laugh at Him to His face. People haven’t changed much in 2000 years.
I agree on organized religion. Organization can be extremely useful and help you grow, but it’s worthless without a personal relationship with God. “If I have not love, I am nothing.” (1st Corinthians 13)
Dum … do do do do doooooo …
I believe in empiricals! Where you from you sexy thang?
@pitty…I don’t want to put Descartes before de horse, y’know? And I don’t want to Hegel with you about it.
@Rachel….
*ahem* Excuse me….Mr. God sir? Why are we here?
*silence*
Er,…which religion, if any, most closely adheres to and promotes your desires for our conduct and well being?
*no answer*
Ok…..umm…How can we best overcome our baser nature and become better, more loving and tolerant beings?
*nothing*
Are you there?
*Nothing*
Are you listening?
*Nothing*
Do you give a rat’s ass?
*More of same*
Any other ideas dear?
And I wasn’t talking about Jesus. I was talking about The Big Guy Himself choosing a Really Big Unmistakable way to speak to us kindly, without all the fire and crap, and set us back on the right path…a cosmic Fireside Chat, as it were. We need guidance, not destruction. Wouldn’t you give this to your own children? Why all the mystery and misconception?
@pitty….
I shot the sheriff
Or was it just my destiny
All I know is some day my prince machiaveli will come …
Oh, and if you shoot destiny they say it is a Das Kapital offense.
brak–Believe me, with the heartache my family has suffered this year, I’ve asked myself a great number of the same questions from your longer post up there. Frankly, if you asked me WHY I believe in God, I probably couldn’t give you an answer. I don’t know why I do. I just do. But keeping the faith is hard in rough times. Some people turn to faith in time of trouble. Mostly, I just feel abandoned by it.
I’ve been through all kinds of ringers, Rando. Bad ones. And on occasion I’ve tried to reach out to some kind of deity or whatever. Truth be told, I got answers. Much to my astonishment. Followed by periods of time where I felt a kind of enlightenment. This has also happened when I was reasonably content but searching for something deeper.
I understand Rachel’s suggestion to “talk to God.” I’m just poking fun at her naivete. As if no one has ever questioned her Jesus or her Bible. As if no one has ever had a spiritual experience outside of her tiny belief system. And do I think I’ve heard from God? Maybe. Or maybe it was a deeper, wiser part of myself. Or maybe I had some other kind of spiritual awakening for some reason.
Scientists just discovered a 9 million mile “ribbon” of particles in a magnetic field at the edge of our solar system. They have no idea what it is. It’s an amazing discovery, and once again, we are reminded that we know so very little …
pitty…that prince guy….I hope it’s only Platonic! Euclid do better.
Some days I do feel enlightened by faith, pitty. Other days I wonder if I still believe out of desperation. I think I still do believe, though. If I didn’t believe in God, I wouldn’t be so angry at Him, so I guess that’s a starting point. But even the nuns at the hospital where my daughter was born said it was okay to be angry at God, because no matter if “God has a plan” or “everything happens for a reason,” we still pretty well got fvcked over. But enough about that. How about that giant bag of Jiffy Pop that flew around on TV for a while?
rando and pitty—you guys are two of the good ones. I completely get what you both say and I agree and disagree on different levels. How’s that for wishy washy?
As to the actual existence of god or gods, I can’t say yes or no. There may well be. I simply do not know. I have, like you both and many others, also had experiences of a different type of consciousness (not drug induced) for which I have no rational explanation.
There is , however, one particular and specific incident in my life which absolutely convinced me once and for all that if there is such a creature, he simply does not listen and cares less and may even be a bit petty and malicious. It also indirectly put the final nail in the coffin of organized religion for me due to a connected incident. I don’t care to relate this incident just now as it is unbearably painful even nearly 20 years after the fact. Maybe in a future thread. Till then, please you guys, bear with me if I get a bit vitriolic on this subject on occasion. Sometimes the words fly out before the thinking. I’ve gotten to like this place and its denizens and I’d hate to piss anybody off too badly, OK? Well….except maybe for Dhoti, eh?….but then, that’s what he wants, innint?
My heart goes out to you especially, rando, since my incident is very closely tied to yours. We’ll chat sometime, dude.
Now pass that popcorn. Movie’s startin’.
I hear you, bro. And I wouldn’t fault you for your feelings on the subject either. You also have my sympathies.
Hugs all around.
Hugs it is. *hugs*
All right, who keeps grabbing my ass?
-hugs- it so firm and tender at the same time!
Really? You think so? Well, go ahead then.
-wiggles the butt cheeks and makes them talk-
why hello…how are you
Hey, yo buddy…watch it!! Geeze, the stuff that goes on around here when a fella tries to catch a nap! Don’t forget…I have defenses, yo!
*settles appreciatively to a really fine group hug–and tries to avoid the butt cheeks…unless they’re girl cheeks, in which case he will take his chances*
lol, there are over 600 ‘rules’ (mitzvahs) in the Torah to follow — the commandments are just the obvious ones.
and if anyone wants to share the precise number of mitzvahs i’d appreciate it
I think it was 613, 614 if you count my 5th grade classmates insistance that jump roping was against the Jewish religion….
*chuckle* I initially read this as the “geek persuasion.” It’s funnier that way.
Nobody fcuks with the Jesus.
Satan did… for a whole what… 40 days?
The Big Lebowski ftw!
Jesus: You try that $hit with me, I’ll take the gun from you stick up your a$$ and pull the trigger til it goes *click*.
Donny: Jesus!!!
Jesus: That’s right. You don’t fvck with the Jesus.
Its called a Halo. Duh. Oh….they already have that? for xbox?
I’ll take blowing the shit out of people on Xbox over some stupid ring hovering over my head any day.
Democracy ? Its funny isn’t it when you talk of democracy when it’s Iraq and Afghanistan ? For years, the various American governments have been supporting dictatorships throughout the Middle East because that served American interests. Why not bringing democracy to Egypt ? Or Saudi Arabia ? You forget my friend that Saddam Hussein was supported by the Reagan administration until the day he became useless. Much like Manuel Noriega. Its easy, so easy, to dismiss people like the one in this LOL to fight because he wants 72 virgins in paradise. What an insult ! When someone invade your country and instead of bringing democracy, they put a dictator in place of another, killed your family or friends because they refuse to accept being invaded or have a puppet regime placed on top of them, you will fight too. This is basic human instinct. When the Nazis invaded the rest of Europe, resistance flared up all over the continent. Did they do it because of 72 virgins ? Of course not. So why it is when Muslims resist the same thing, you put it down to 72 virgins ? I wonder how many of you know who Salvador Allende was ? Or Mohammad Mosaddeq ? Go and check these out and educate yourselves. Democracy ? Indeed.
… “I wonder how many of you know” …
Who are you talking to here beside the Duncan-troll?
Hooray, something we can all hate. Non-western religions!
Haha, hahaha – they think they’re going to go somewhere other than a realm in the clouds with huge pearly gates. HOW silly!
*sigh* Here we go again.
Pierce Brosnan liked Abba too.
Does your mother know that you’re out?
I’ve never roller-bladed in my life
On our own?
wow that’s gay
Gay? Seems to me more like fighter-jet porn with very, very mild homoerotic overtones. Not what I would call ‘flaming’ at all.
Were you trying to use that term as an insult? How incredibly sophomoric of you!
Sorry, that’s the RAF, and not the Navy. Maybe you were just wishing? Sorry to disappoint you, but you are NOT my type.
What if I was a cute blonde english girl?
…
ARE you a cute blonde English girl?
Are YOU a cute blonde English girl?
Not on here I’m not.
We know you’re not.
Noone ever believes anything I say.
Now why would that be?
Because he can’t spell? It’s not “NOONE”, Sqwirk! There is no such word (unless you’re referring to Peter Noone not believing you). It’s “no one” or “none” or “noon”.
Or because he can be a real douche most times?
Whom is that?
*squirts Sqwirk with a water bottle*
Bad Sqwirk! Bad squirk! Get in your cage!
Oh, trust me. The looks aren’t what I’m talking about. I prefer women with intelligence and respect. Something you are painfully missing.
Besides, I am quite HAPPILY married to a stunning Japanese/Norwegian lady. The asian looks, the euro full figure, hair down to her waist…… You stand about as much a chance as Judas Iscariot on judgment day.
Judas asked for forgiveness after the fact though…
Essau sought repentance with tears. But he had sold his birthright.
Well it’s like what they say… “PARTY HARD!”
And anyway, didn’t Judas have to betray Jesus in order for the prophecies to be fulfilled? Didn’t Jesus know in advance that Judas would betray him, speaking of it openly? Wasn’t Judas simply playing his part in the Jesus Christ Superstar play of life? Seems like a bum rap, being damned and all, for doing your part. I mean, SOMEbody had to do it.
Yep, says he was born the son of perdition.
Did you ever see Road to Perdition? It was depressing. Perdition is not a road you want to be on.
In other news, I don’t know what your last post means, but then I’m very high.
Judas was born the son of perdition, meaning it was his destiny to sacrfice his own soul to save the human race from their own sins….
In essence Judas is Neo.
Thanks. I just googled it. Learning is fun!
Or just a poor sad dupe.
Oops.
That was @max, not you SB.
Heeeeeeeeeee…I very well could be a poor sad dupe.
Somehow I don’t think so, SB.
Well…usually not all at once
It means the potter has power over the clay to make one a vessel of honor, one of dishonor.
thank you suicide_blonde for pointing out that judas was fulfilling his pre-ordained destiny.
for everyone else – hasn’t anyone figured out that if it wasn’t judas in the role of betrayer, it would have been someone else because the betrayal was the key, not the person who did it?
If I remember correctly, according to the gospel of judas, jesus actually told judas to betray him. Of course the gospel isnt part of the bible…
Well, in a nutshell, Judas was screwed no matter what. C’est la vie.
but maybe he was amply rewarded in the afterlife…the idea of those 72 virginians had to start somewhere
Islam is a western religion, synonymous with “abrahamic religion.” Islam is only “eastern” in reference to Judaism and Christianity. Turns out, if you go further east, the religions get REALLY different.
And more so in this case, as the guy is a Brit. :p
Sitting on clouds strumming harps? Blech. Check out Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven. Me, I can’t wait… well, I can *wait;* I’m not suicidal.
Was Randy able to pop in for a visit or is it just more human speculation?
I can’t help it – I lol’d.
in the basement waiting for him is tinky winky dipsy laa laa poo, iggle piggle, upsey daisy, the timbly boos, alan carr, amy whitehouse, noel edmunds, sponge bob square pants, the cast of ballymore, the simpsons, the jonas brothers , and madonna now bog off to where ever with that lot
If only the maker of this knew how many hot women love Star Trek.
7?
I guess I would make it 8? But then I know a few hot trekkie gals myself, so that makes it 13!
14
We’re hot…and smart!
But not virgins….therefore not qualified to help him with his afterlife.
He isn’t worthy of a woman’s virginity.
15.
I’m mostly Trekkie By Marriage, though.
*goes back to fan-girling Q*
I’m sorry but, *slap*. NO FANGIRLING Q! XD I’m a Trekkie girl, AND a virgin…. but I sure as hell am NOT his.
But you see… you’re not his.. because he wills it. Why? Because he’s Q… and because he can.
I don’t think I can help it…
15, but only the original series. I’m old school, yo.
nerd girls are HAWT
Then I’m SMOKIN.’
I married a trekie
)
I get conjugal visits with her every other week when her mother lets her out of the basement.
talk nerdy to me
Live long and prosper. The needs of the many out weigh the needs of the one. Thank you for your sacrifice. (:P)
Yes. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Glad you are finally coming around!
Wait Star Trek is full of commies!!! SoB!!! That’s why I like Babylon 5 more, every race out for themselves for the most part. That and Sheridan totally did the whole Jesus resurrection from the dead. That and the aliens are a lot more bad ass in B5.
What about Feringi (sp?)? They seem rather…capitalist for the most part.
Occasionally seen bumper sticker in this area: Ferengi School of Business.
I think the Ferengi culture is supposed to be capitalism at its purest.
*geeknod*
I would have liked to attend a class or two at the Vulcan Science Academy.
*geeknod*
*geeknod of agreement*
And it would totally kick a$$ (literally & figuratively) to attend “self defense” classes somewhere in the Klingon Empire.
*snerk* Oh yes. Although the bladed weapons do give me pause. Can we stick to hand-to-hand?
*gets all sorts of evil ideas from that*
And now I know what to get Mr. See for Christmas!
Are you calling the Klingons commies? Would you like to repeat that statement into my communicator?!?
B5 was great, until the last season, when I bailed.
*puts on geek hat*
To me it ended in Season 4 when they had the whole “last episode” airing. Season 5 was stupid. I was really hoping the Rangers spin off would take, but alas it didn’t. Any show with G’Kar in it was awesome.
My Hollywood connection said that the producer was certain B5 would be canceled after season 4 ended, so he cranked the storyline to get it in. And was then informed at the last minute that there would be a season 5.
BTW, Captain Sinclair disappeared after season 1 because the actor was a sexist pig, who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. Therefore, Sheridan.
See, VNV, you are showing your lack of vision. Spock didn’t need Govt to make his sacrifice. He chose to do it on his own.
Which if everyone did, we wouldn’t need government. But of course, Spock also had a dampening of emotions, being half vulcan, his emotions literally had to fight to the top. Meaning he’s not motivated by greed or material gain.
Beg to differ with you. Even if everyone in America gave 50% of their income to charity, there would still be a great need for Govt.
Well that’s all dealing with hypothetical situations, so no matter how much we debate it… there would be no way to verify it. I would have to say though, that everyone working and pitching in for everyone else, works, in small amounts. There are many villages with no government that do just fine, but that’s only because they work with numbers far fewer than our own.
But if we’re going to get serious about this debate.. then Id have to say that it’s irrelevant because the government isn’t asking us to go into engineering to fix the warp drive.
That’s true. And remember this, I don’t like those things done by the Federal govt, but many of them I would agree with you on the State level. I think that cuts a lot of the power and therefore corruption out it. And makes it easier to replace when they do stray off the path.
The only problem is finding someone on the federal level who’s as good as the folks on the state level… Like those F’n idiots who banned smoking from Douglas International… grrrrrrr.
And I know… we all voted on it… and I voted against it… but damn.
That’s the primary reason I’m for the power in the states, as set up in the Constitution. If one state screws it up to bad, the people flee to another.
Well the moment I become so melodramatic that I move to another state because I can’t smoke inside the airport… shoot me.
In Cali, there’s pretty much no smoking inside any public building. There was a lot of grumbling, but I fcuking love it, and even my smoker friends admit it’s nice not to reek at the end of a night out. I was in Portland last year, and there were some bars that were so smoky it was stifling.
Now smoking weed in public is an initiative I could get behind…;)
Putting things at the state level doesn’t cut the corruption. It just contains it to a state by state basis. You’ve still got the same amount of corruption just broken up into 50 smaller pieces.
It would make it a less entrenched. And easier to deal with on a local level.
Thus speaks a man who hasn’t apparently dealt with his town government. I was saddened to see what happens there–a town selectman with a landscaping business gets his business hired to landscape the schools’ playing fields. Etc, etc…
I have not been happy with many of the sleazeball things one of the local mayors did to try to boost town revenue. Legal? Yes. Ethical? Not even close.
i take it you don’t know anyone named bubba or boss hogg? those stereotypes exist along with carpetbaggers and many other nasty, self-centered types which is why the feds stepped in to stop a lot of the individual state rights – such as poll taxes, or the nifty one where if your grandparents were slaves, you couldn’t vote, or if you didn’t own the land you farmed you couldn’t vote, or the taxes that were paid by the landowners went only to the schools where their children attended, but the children of the sharecroppers went to the ‘colored’ school and got little if any tax money….. for a carolinian, you are very ignorant of your history…
Corruption tends to seep in at nay level of power, alas.
With “nay”, I OBIVOUSLY mean “any”.
The difference between charity and government disrtibution of money is charity is generally given to heartwarming causes, while the government hopefully can keep a slightly bigger picture in mind.
As I’ve said before. Star Trek’s Communism is TECHNOLOGICAL, not socioeconomic.
It’s only practical because there is no scarcity… because a few people saw how they could get RICH by developing things like cheap power sources, resource extraction, replicators, and warp drive.
The fact that everybody ELSE got rich too was only a fortunate side effect… the USUAL side effect of technological innovation.
Except for the first motorized fabric looms, which impoverished many families of weavers back in the days of the original Ludd (of Luddites) in old England.
And by “hot” you mean “nerdy and socially awkward”?
Not if you are describing me! I own the term ‘geek’. But I’m not nerdy or socially awkward at all.
Vikings are actually know for not standing too much out in a crowd.
Which is why the guy at the pizza store and the one at the booze-itorium both recognized me the second time I went there?!
“For the love of God don’t plunder us again!!!”
It was the axe, right?
I thought it might be the metal breastplate and horned helmet, but I suppose it could have been the ax!
I didn’t know where your office was. So I asked the newsboy. He didn’t know. So I asked the fireman, the green grocerer, the butcher, the baker, they didn’t know! But the liquor store guy… he knew.
PATTY CAKE, PATTY CAKE, PATTY CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! WWAAAHHHH!!!!!
Say it isn’t true! Plplplplpleeeeease!
Technoviking doesn’t stand out in a crowd… the crowd moves for TECHNOVIKING!
Methinks Dudette has never been to a comic con or a Trek convention. Sure, some of them are nerdy and socially awkward, but that doesn’t exclude them from being hot.
I wonder exactly what dudette’s definition of hot is. Frankly, I find the “girl next door” look and the “cute girl” look to be way hotter than the “hawt” look these days.
I’m with Randy on this one. Give me a girl in naught but a t-shirt and a smile and I shall be happier than with all the glamor in Hollywood.
Besides, the nerdy part just means they are open minded and the awkward part just endears them to me. I like feeling needed.
Let’s not forget geeky chicks tend to wear tight pleather costums to Comi-Cons! That’s where you see the geeky quiet girl in your office turn to utter HOTTNESS! Like in that CSI episode.
How true is that. Heh.
Personally, “hot” means broad shoulders, a tight butt, clean shaven and laughing eyes. But that’s just MY opinion. And anyway, I prefer guys.
If you are asking my preference for hot–that would be a smart guy, slim, caring, sense of humor. And smart tends to go with nerdy or geeky. I’ll take the occasional social awkwardness if it comes with compassion and a brain!
I like ‘em big and stupid.
Well between us we’ve got big & stupid, and tall slim & brainy. Any of the other ladies want to put in their dibs?
Hmm, I think I’ll start with snide and cynical, then I’ll have tall and brainy for the entree with a side of big and stupid, and I’ll wash it down with a glass of goofy and kind.
I’ll take one of each kind, please. One for each day of the week.
At your service ma’am
Sounds like a busy weekend.
Weekend? Nonsense, that was just dinner!
i’ll take one that is kind of tall, not too skinny; not too bright, but not dumb; good with his hands & knows his way around a tool box, knows how to pick up after himself (and does on his own) and is curious about new things, and if he hunts and fishes, that’s even better
Gee…that sounds like Cap’n Kirk to me.
Personally, I’m a big fan of girls with glasses.
They do imply the brains and the well-read person, which means they’re someone I can have good arguments with.
“No, you want the next door down, this is Abuse!”
That should be funny to her. Also, she should know who Andreas Katsulas was, and why he was awesome.
And it would help if, like me, she spent at least one hour a day completely batshit insane. I mean, just tits-over-monkeys off the frickin’ oscilloscope, if you know what I mean.
And not entirely averse to occasional inappropriate grabassery.
Thanks for the motivation to google Andreas Katsulas…you are right. Awesome.
Do you have a patent on the word ‘grabassery’? I would like to rent the occasional use if I may!
No patent, just trademarked. Usage is free aws long as credit is given.
As opposed to dumb and self-absorbed.
Total ripoff of Jeff dunham and like 10 other comedians
OH, the ironing is delicious!
Hmm.
Hmmm?
Good.
Soup?
No thanks, I’m full.
But there’s always room for Jello!
You know those sugar free jello cups are pretty good. Does eating 10 of them at a sitting defeat the purpose?
No, because they are still sugar free. Now if you’re counting calories that might be a different story.
its jello…little more then water and food coloring ..
Does food coloring have calories?
*pokes Jelloy goodness* I think it’s making me fat. Or all the hours in front of the PC. Nope, pretty sure it’s the Jello.
naw mina looks fine from this this angle…lets try another one
Water, food coloring, and collagen–which is a protein.
56 posts and no one has noticed the missing apostrophe yet? Come on, people! You’re letting me down!
Get this man some virgins. Comic Book Guy first…
Surely you mean “your letting me down”? :p
Family Guy ripoff.
According to Sam Harris, and others, the word that was translated into Arabic, and then into English, as ‘virgins” actually meant “white raisins.” So the suicide bombers get to wherever their scattered bodies go, and they’re given a handful of dried grapes. Whoopee.
Bang goes their whole raisin d’etre…
They’re banging their raisins??? O.O
They’ve gotta bang something once that virgin thing doesn’t work out.
Oh, WONderful pun et bon mot! WIN!
Just to set the record straight…transliterated from Harris’ first book, “The End of Faith”…
According to one scholar of ancient Semitic languages, (writing under the pseudonym Christopher Luxenberg), a mistranslation is responsible for the Muslim paradise being strewn with ‘virgins’ – Arabic hur, transliterated as ‘houris’ – literally ‘white ones’. It seems to this scholar at least, that passages describing paradise in the Qu’ran were drawn from earlier Christian texts that make frequent use of the Aramaic word hur, meaning ‘white raisins’.
Imagine the look on a young martyr’s face when, finding himself in a paradise teeming with his fellow thugs, his seventy “houris” arrive in the form of a bowl of white raisins.
I just finished “God Is Not Great” by Christopher Hitchens. He referenced that same bit of trivia from Sam’s book, and I was dying to use that. You beat me to it. Well played, sir. /passive-aggressive
I’m thinking quite a few virgins in heaven are going to strongly resemble white raisins… perhaps it was an early form of the pun?
I announce right now… I will die for your sins. But not for mine.
We’re very happy for you.
Everyone wave at smurf!!
We’re waving goodbye… not hello. So get busy dieing for our sins, you’re very far behind.
OMG, it is smurf! I didn’t even recognize him at first! Pink Floyd wants you to die for our sins too!
Geewhiz, I can’t fool this gang for not even one second. Ah well, I changed my mind about dying for your sins. You have far too many. I’m contemplating dying for your stupidity. Will you string me up, please? And bring the pope with some unholy water. Dang me. Smurf.
Question: If I were to drink the holy water and peed on a vampire would it work? Also does the Pope pee Holy Pee or does he have to bless it first.
All it would do is make Edward Cullen piss uncontrollably, while he is back up his tree. The pope wears dresses all the time, so I doubt if he even has a peepee. Bless you peanut butter, I like you on toast.
Smurf here. Don’t take any notice of some ratbag called Dangme, pretending to be me… I noticed some bozo posting Airforce propaganda here, while playing good ol Hank. WTF have these got to do with banging white raisins and Muhammad the chief towelhead? I guess it’s a waste of time asking you Floyd Fundamentalists anything as the fact was out during the 80s: Too many decibels scrambles the eggs. And eggs cannot be unscrambled. Well I’ll be danged.
It’s awfully rude to point… whatever happened to proper manners?
Wow, great. Offensive and a Family Guy rip.
Hillarious.
family guy…… :/ not original
fifth guy to bring that up. Not original.
I may be aboriginal.
You’re from Australia?
Might be, could be, can’t say for sure, as it might pigeon-hole me. I come from the land of peanut butter and plums. Now, do I go round asking you where you are from? WTF difference does it make? I am actually from Mars.
No you’re aboriginal. I was playing dumb about aboriganese (sp of Natives to Australia). But now that I explained it, Joke is done.
Not Abby Riginal. But definitely Abby Normal.
Unfortunately, all those once-lonely Star Trek fans over the age of 20 have found each other at conventions or online, gotten completely plastered on drinks with names like “Romulan Ale”, and are no longer virgins either. Mostly they’re stupidly rich from all the geek love and having kinky Trek fetish sex in awkward places whilst wearing Spock ears and giggling like fiends. Dude’s now stuck with leftover nuns and militant feminist bull lesbians.
You make being nerdy sound rather attractive…I’m rethinking my stance on Star Trek now.
I rather doubt the militant feminist bull lesbians would count as virgins, either. Sex toys, after all!
A scene from Chasing Amy comes to mind…
Wow Wench, I had no idea what Spock got up to with those ears. And phasers went everywhere possible I suppose… Erectile dysfunction is one of my favorite LOLs. Gee some of them must be getting on now, seeing as Spock looks about 80. Are they still having geriatric sex, with pointy ears? Now what does a leftover nun look like? Does leftover mean she got sick of waiting for Jesus to do his manly bit with her and went lookin for a bit… or what?..
wiki it: “houri”
have fun learning
he actually sell sponges on televisions. which will explode
Anyone realize the reference to Family Guy? I hate non originality
Criticism coming from someone who watches cartoons. How inpressive! Not only watches cartoons, but apparently has all the scripts memorized. Your mommy must be so proud of you.
You hate yourself? Sad.
Nope. Nobody picked up on that. Only you. Reading the comments keeps you from looking like a total retard, you know that?
You totally stole this from Family Guy.
It’s a shame no one told the person who made this LOL that that joke stopped being funny 6 years.
years ago.**
Yeah, but it’s 2009 and we’re already recycling nostalgia from the late 80’s and early 90’s.
Give it six months, and it’ll be funny again.
They’ve got “V” coming out again. Fvcking V! That show gave me nightmares as a little kid.
This joke’s been done way too many times now. I’m getting pretty sick of it.
Yo momma’s so fat….
way to rip off a crappy show’s crappy joke