CABLE COMPANIES
CABLE COMPANIES
Even the President has to be on hold for 37 minutes before he can talk to someone about his bill.
(Barack Obama)
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he’s wondering why his cable deficit has tripled
Better start printing some money to pay that cable bill… The people have a right to cable!!
Perhaps he’s trying to figure out why he’s getting charged for the pay-per-view of “Nailin’ Palin”.
“BIDEN! GET IN HERE!!”
He was into her…
I don’t think I saw a picture of bush that looked like he was doing that much work! Good Job Prezy!!
in a cave, eh?
that’s because it was COMMON for him to do work
I’m always mollified at the wait time by the soothing voice telling me how important my call is to them.
Oh, wait. No, I’m not.
those soothing voices make me want to smash….
wallfly smash!!! blaaargghawarraagghbll
(that was directed at sprint, repressed anger, sorry)
I called time warner the other day and they put me on hold for an hour. I hung up, tried again and they picked up immediately. I was tempted to use every curse word I know in three languages on the dip-sh*t that answered.
You know what pisses me off? Those automated message systems. “Press one for billing. Press two for your account balance. Press three if you’re becoming enraged.”
Especially when you can’t figure out exactly where in the system your issue fits, and you keep listening to stupid menus and nothing fits your problem!
Then press zero. They don’t tell you this, but that is usually the default for talking to an actual human. –information due to years lost wading through telephone trees.
“I’m sorry, that’s not a valid entry.”
i hate that one. i always try zero and the i have to start all the way back over at “para espanol something or other numero uno” and then all the 14 different options.
Well, it worked for Verizon, yesterday!
Yeah, and they’re getting wise to it. How many times in the last year have you heard the words “Please listen as our menu has changed?” Eleventy zillion, that’s how many.
I hang up on those when I hear a pre-recorded voice. Really, I just play my Xbox until I get an e-mail back from the service people.
Generally, I find ones that work at computers and are able to change my various accounts, billing services, and information more helpful anyway. I only pick up when they call me for voice verification. (That actually happened once, I played a game when I was 11 years old, had an acct at verizon.net, lost my password for the game, and the verizon account, so I reset the verizon password and gave them my new email. Turns out, when your parents switch internet services, they delete your Email account but still let it accept new messages without forwarding them. F*ck that. I got my account back by emailing the people, then one of them called to validate my phone # and voice, which was pretty nice. )
I ended up finally escaping comcast purgatory by way of their ‘chat’ help service. Which again, discriminates against their older customers–my mother hasn’t even turned on a computer, for goodness sakes! You should be able to do this stuff via telephone. *curmudge, curmudge*
True. I usually go for zero right off the bat. Especially when there are 9 options at the start. The other one I hate is when the ‘operator’ comes on and says, “Please note that our menus have changed as of January 2001. Please select from the following options.”
Pressing zero REPEATEDLY usually works.
Grr. It’s “moderating” my comment….
Anyway, link to a useful database of what various companies’ phone systems require to get a live person: {http://gethuman.com/}
That might be the most useful idea ever created. Someone is a freaking genius.
And the hold music loops – it’s as if they’re designed specifically to make you even ANGRIER than you were in the first place.
I don’t mind the music, so long as they don’t keep interrupting it with commercials for themselves or ‘your call is so important to us’. Save the voice for when an actual human answers!
I really hope I don’t piss somebody off here. But I called apple the other day to troubleshoot the i-pod and the dude that answered, after two hours I might add, was SO Indian (like bad movie accent Indian) I couldn’t understand him. Then he told me my country accent was making it hard for him to understand me.
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Needless to say I hung up and was glad to wait for the nice Chicago born man.
You can request to have someone who speaks English without an accent without getting in too much trouble on calls like that………but there’s a chance that they might spit in your food later
I’ve had trouble like that before, and because neither of us could understand the other (I have the hick accent down to an art, as I’m sure you do as well being from Kentucky, LOL, and he was thickly Indian) that HE actually got someone else to speak to me. This was over my electricity bill. Which is a whole other tangient.
i called linksys support because my wireless router was effing up and i got someone who OBVIOUSLY didn’t speak english as a first language. i asked for someone who spoke english and his response was (i’m not kidding at all) “eengleesh ees my feerst language. eef you ken net eendeerseend me thet ees your proobleem”. i hung up.
called back 10 minutes later after i calmed down and didn’t want to punch anyone anymore. got another “native english speaker” and immediately asked for a manager… after waiting 30 minutes for the manager he spoke english clear as a bell. had a bit of a new yawk accent, but i could tell english wasn’t his 14th language.
oh, forgot to include… the second person i talked to claimed to have english as a first language as well. THAT was when i asked for the manager.
outsourcing sucks giant donkey balls.
Yes, well I’m a bilingual illiterate. I can’t read in two different languages.
i think i just realized what you mean…
“english is my first language. if you can not understand me that is your problem.”
all good now?
I have to say though, most of the time when I get somone in India I can understand them fine. I’ve actually had some interesting convos with some of them, just shooting the breeze while they help me with whatever. What you went through would piss me off though!
One time I called MS tech support and got someone clearly from another country. And his English was pretty good. Good enough to laugh out loud when I told him my e-mail address, which, at the time was “uradicksniffer.” I have to admit, when he asked for my e-mail address, my brain froze in that “oh great, I’m gonna embarrass myself again moment.” But he thought it was funny.
i’ve had plenty of them who were just fine… as long as they speak clearly i can work around an accent. someone telling me that english is their first language when it CLEARLY isn’t will piss me off though. and them him telling me that it’s my problem? nu uh… *fumes just remembering that BS*
Where I used to work they had contracted out to a company based in India and brought in all of their Indian programmers. The group I was in was required to support these guys and when they would call to ask for help, 9 times out 10 I couldn’t figure out what they wanted. My reply was always, “Could you put that in an e-mail and send it to me? I’ll take a look at the issue asap.” Worked every time..
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Oh, but the one thing that used to piss me off was that they would come into the break room and heat up their lunches. I will say upfront that hate curry. I hate the taste, I hate the smell, and when I come in close proximity to it I nearly hurl. Well, after these guys did ‘lunch’ the break room wreaked of curry and I would have to wait at least an hour and a half before I could eat my lunch. Needless to say I usually ended up eating at 11:00 instead of my normal time.
Ouch. Same with me and the smell (and, on a side note, taste) of almost all seafood. I work all day in an advanced program classroom with 14 kids in it, and one girl eats ALL day. There’s a microwave and no windows. Some of it is the most disgusting food I’ve ever smelled.
Idiotic placement planning win?
I don’t mind the smell of most cooking seafood, but the smell of tuna casserole in the oven literally makes me gag. When I was a kid & my mom made tuna casserole I’d have to go outside to get away from it.
Now to hack off all 3 of you, by making my favourite tuna curry! As long as I leave out all the chillies, even my mother (who hates capcaisin) likes it!
I had the same experience with Symantec. I tried and tried to explain to the guy that I had problems with my computer and had to replace the motherboard. All I got was, “I’m sorry, but your system has changed from when you purchased the product. You will have to buy a new copy.” This went on for nearly a week before I finally got to talk to a manager. I promised the guy that as long as I walk on God’s green earth I will never, ever buy another Symantec product. And as I am in the department that buys anti-virus software for our company, we will change to something else (which was a very large company btw.) He didn’t even pause and replied with, “You do what you have to do. But you cannot use the software.” That company is now using Trend anti-virus programs.
No no no. The VOICE ACTIVATED message systems.
“Thank you for calling Charter. Tell us in a few words what you’re calling about.”
“Technical problems”
“That’s pay your bill, right?”
“No. Technical problems.”
“That’s add more services, right?”
“NO! TECHNICAL PROBLEMS!!!!”
“You want me to add Showtime, the MLB network, and HD programming, right?”
“Dude, WTF?!”
“These services have been added and will appear on your next statement. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Did I just hear someone laughing at the end of that?”
“That’s pay your bill, right? Your balance is now $249.57…”
*throws phone against wall*
HA ha ha exactly
ok, so much for me not laughing out loud (literally) in my office. i just (literally) fell out of my chair laughing. thank god the office mates are in meetings or i’d have some questions to answer!
I work for a Sears store. In it’s constant quest to create the worst customer service EVER, they have those voice activated systems for each store. I hate calling my own store.
“What department are you calling for?”
“Tools.”
“That’s kids, right?”
“No. Tools.”
“That’s small kitchen appliances, right?”
“Tools.”
“That’s a manager, right?”
“Sure why not.”
“Connecting you to…small kitchen appliances.”
“Wait, WHAT???”
Doesn’t really matter because nobody ever answers the phone at Sears anyway. :-X
DAMN YOU! you made me laugh out loud in the office again… and one of the office mates is back from the meeting!
i hate calling my company too. i don’t work for a big box or anything, it’s just if the receptionist doesn’t answer you have to use the menu. which works fine… but then the hold music MUST be on a tape because there are pauses when there is no music and you wonder if you’ve been cut off. or parts where it seems like the tape is stretched out and it’s running at like half speed. and then times when it’s just all messed up. and from the phone directory menu it takes a good 2 minutes to connect you to someone so you’re listening to this hold music for that long and wondering what on earth is going on and if you’ve been cut off.
Oooooh the hold music. If you get put on hold at Sears, of course you hear the same music they play in the store. The music in the store is awful. I don’t want it right in my ear. We had a customer once ask if they could turn the music off at least while she shopped there it’s so bad. LMAO
i don’t mind awful in-store/on-hold music. it just drives me nuts when it cuts out because you’re not sure if you just got cut off or not.
the worst in-store music is definitely in bakers shoes. it’s like techno/rave stuff and it’s always at top volume. love the store, hate the music. working at victorias secret made me hate their in-store music too. you don’t realize it when you’re there shopping, but when you work there for 8 hour shifts you realize the loop is only 120 minutes long. i started singing along to all the songs by my second day. fyi, none of them have lyrics. i knew all the rhythms and the melodic patterns. i go into the store to shop now and i STILL end up singing along because it’s the SAME music 2 1/2 years later.
Yeah, well, apparently Sears is trying to hold true to their super old customer base that has been shopping there for 70 years. There’s a song that plays that makes mention of the *48* states. Wait, what?
no. effing. way.
do they still have the sears and roebuck catalog at your store? where you can order a car for like $150.
There is still a Craftsman tool catalog, which I might add might be about the most abused brand out there. Craftsman tools used to actually mean they were GOOD.
Anyway, the gigantic catalog is gone, replaced by a massively inconvenient website. Oh, and they don’t call it Sears, Roebuck & Co. anymore. It’s Sears Holdings since K-mart is part of the company now.
The only time I ever go to Sears is to get teacher appropriate sweaters from their Land’s End section.
The joys of teacher-hood. Thou shalt not flaunt thy hotness, for it may distract thy hormonally-ridden students. At least flaunt not in class–outside of the school, go for it!
-Gulps and makes a face- I’ve never had an attractive teacher. VG, would you mind being my personal tutor?
@Tyler. I think Jane would be closer to your age, and therefore more attractive. But I do hold regular office hours!
O.o a married woman is closer to my age? Wow, I feel like I made your internal clock tick with that comment. My bad. :/
I might be wrong in this, but I think Jane and Max are ‘PK married’. I don’t know that they’ve ever made visual contact…?
Of course an inventive fellow could probably create a situation that would require intensive tutoring…! I would, given the chance of maximum boobie-gazing!
VG, I’d say you were the only one who probably *could* tutor me because I believe you live somewhere near Mass, since we have the same weather. However, you’re both welcome to come over and tutor me… I need two teachers just to give me some perspective, right?
Ah, but you see, Jane and I both wear teacher-appropriate sweaters! So you would have to exercise some imagination in the process… Teachers always will find ways to make their students stretch those brains, after all!
Sweaters? You realize I’ll just make them summer lessons and turn the heat off, right? >:D You two will never survive if you keep being so appropriate!
Janie and Viking, I’d suggest you get these stamps for your grading from now on. No need for A’s, B’s, or C’s!
^linky.
Yes, I’m still depressingly single. Hey VG, you don’t get the ones with pencil and apples embroidered on them, do you? I draw the line at that.
Those are freaking awesome, Tyler!
No apples or pencils embroidered on them, partly because they don’t come in viking size! And even if…ew?
Those fail/win stamps are sooo tempting. Hmm. I do have tenure…?!
I actually like Land’s End for work because the v-neck isn’t too deep and they’re not too tight or too loose and come in a lot of colors. When it comes to work clothes if I find something that fits, doesn’t make me look 90, and isn’t slutty, I buy it in multiple copies.
@Jane. Single beats the heck out of the wrong person! Been there, done that. It’s worth the wait, and worth avoiding the BS of a bad match!
I think you and I need to shop together–I’ll drive, ok?
Sweet, shopping trip!
Silly Viking, just stop in at Tyler’s Nordic Embroideries.
See, with my time-warp powers I took a 12th century Nordic sewing woman to an alternate dimension where she taught me how to craft clothes with the size you guys need, strength to hold up in battles for Odin while you fight to earn your way into Valhalla, and flexibility for maximum axe-throwing power! I then spent the next 300 years making more clothes than you’ll ever need in your Viking size. Have fun.
And yes, you MUST buy those stamps. I am going to come to wherever you teach, and have you stamp FAIL on my forehead, draw an arrow downwards and stamp WIN on my chest.
Don’t feel tempted, feel like you already did!
Damn! It takes so long to type my fantasy plotlines, I’ve almost missed out on the shopping trip! Can I come pick out outfits too? I promise, it won’t be counter-productive!
I dunno… I kinda think you would be. I imagine we’d hear the phrase, “no, that’s not low cut at all” quite a bit.
Ah, it’s been fun but I have to go to bed. I have to get up early and go job begging tomorrow.
Although he would be useful for mood-improving, when they only have the colors we like in ‘teeny-tiny’!?
Nah, most likely just “Well, if you think dressing up like a prostitute while tattooed with literature isn’t educational to the children, then don’t wear it to school”
So it makes sense, seee?
See, it would be educational because the poor, destitute person is the symbol and basis for much of good literature!
Good luck with the job-begging! Remember, you are a worthy and intelligent woman, and you DESERVE to be hired!
I’m off, too–can’t stay up too late with an 8am class in my future fall!
And Viking, you wouldn’t need mood-improving for that, because you could just put the clothes on my ego and that would most CERTAINLY stretch them to a school-appropriate size, if not even larger!
Night, Viking and Janie!
Lol…I can’t remember who it was now, but some comedian my kids like had a bit about trying to use one of those voice recognition phone systems to call an airline. About lost luggage, maybe? Anyway, your stories remind me of that!
Charter here in Wisconsin has the same F-ing system.
What’s worse, I called my credit card company and I couldn’t get anything but the Voice Activated system.
Apparently you’re supposed to NOT PUSH ANY OF THE BUTTONS for the menu, and it will just ring through to a rep. WTF?!? Why would you have a menu if you’re not supposed to push the buttons to use the menu?!?!
/phonerage
Prolly for people who still have *gulp* rotary phones.
Or for the elderly, who have a real problem dealing with those menus. Of course my mother ‘deals’, by calling me and telling me to do it for her. Sigh.
-Punches self HARD in the face-
Don’t punch yourself–dedicate yourself to coming up with a better system, and then make LOTS of money selling it to the companies! And then donate some of that money to me, ok?
Of course, Viking! If I ever get rich, I’m going to buy the best internet hacking system, hack WordPress, and find out who you guys are so I can give you money!
I once lost my cool while trying to get through to a human and started swearing into the phone. Turns out that “f*** you, you c***sucker” were the magic words and I got someone.
*makes a note*
*also makes a note*
One time the automated thing asked which department I wanted and I said “I will f*ck you up!” Sent me to electronics, oddly enough where I needed to go.
That works too. A lot of times I’ll say “blahalbhalasdahdedhealigh” while it says over and over “I can’t understand you.” Then it says it’ll get an agent on the phone. An agent? An agent of what? Evil?
evil. obviously.
Evil…or incompetence? One is evil, one is stupid. The results are generally the same.
i think in that situation it’s interchangeable. no?
Eric, there’s a flaw in your reasoning. It’s only an “agent of evil” if they’re a U.S. government employee and your name is Again.
I like when you’re actually speaking with a human being who can’t help you with your problem – like the cell company who changed their cancellation policy – and claimed they notified you of the change via US Postal service, but didn’t update their website, and refused to honor their older policy despite the fact that it was published online – yadda yadda, you get the picture –
So they can’t help you and you’re done talking to them, and you’re fixin’ to hang up and they say, “Thank you for calling, is there anything else I can help you with today.”
Else? Else? It’s soooo hard not to answer that with colorful metaphors.
and that was to fix my name.. (sigh)
Meh. Overexposed O’Bama.
Well, he is the President and stuff.
Please, please don’t let the government takeover cable. What we would be left with is 100 channels, all either CSPAN, Public access, spanish language or religious in nature all while costing us an extra $50 a month.
/Obama supporter
//still a pesimist when it comes to the gov’t
You’re right, keep the government out of my life and my Playboy Channel!
*shrug* Mine just declared bankruptcy so I’m not exactly impressed with how free enterprise is working with cable either.
That reminds me, I’ve got to pay my fscking cable bill.
For some reason every couple months my cable signal starts to deteriorate. Someone comes out and replaces another ancient wire or two, and everything is fine for a while. Then it starts again. I really don’t get it. That being said, it’s still better than a DSL, so I’ll put up with the flying rage I go into when my cable modem goes out.
Oh, man….one time I went through, like, 5 phone calls to Comcast’s tech support guys, a trip to the cable office to exchange the modem, more phone calls (“Why, yes…I have tried turning everything off and back on again!”) only to ultimately figure out — after they’d scheduled a guy to come out and look at it — that although the connection between the modem and cable was fine, and the connection between that cable and the wall outlet, the next connection back in my Giant Spiderweb O’ Badly Wired Cable was loose.
1/4 turn to the right and I fixed the problem.
our home phone line kept cutting out. did it about 10 times in one week. we’d been calling the phone company and they swore it was our actual phone. even though it had done it when we were on multiple different phones (because, like a normal person we have more than ONE in the house). we replaced the portable phone that was crap to begin with and still had problems.
only when we insisted they come out and check the lines did they find the squirrels nest built up against the telephone pole and the part of the wire that the little bastards had chewed almost completely through.
We have one phone at our house because with our cable phone we have one phone jack. And I never answer the fscking thing anyway. I programmed it so the few people I want to talk to will make it do a distinct ring. Otherwise, I ignore it.
ah, ok… you’re the exception because that makes sense.
we have 7 landline phones in the house because the portables don’t have a range outside of about ONE room. we mostly use cell phones but if the power goes out or the battery dies or something we have the landlines as backup.
We tried kicking the landline once. There was just one problem. T-Mobile has such a horrible, pathetic network that I can’t get a signal in my house. Except the bathroom, and I get like 2 or 3 bars. If I drive about 5 minutes away, sure, I can use my phone. I can send texts, which I prefer to do anyway, but no calls. Stupid really.
I have T-Mobile too! Walmart is this gigantic dead zone, which suck because whenever I go to walmart with someone else I inevitably lose the person I’m with within 5 minutes of entering the store and I can’t call them to find out where they disappeared to so we can freaking leave walmart.
I have verizon, the worst bit is that I don’t get reception in my room. I mean, I live in the least- obstructed part of my house signal-wise. I spend almost all my time up here, and I can’t get messages while in my own house? I don’t even bother charging that thing anymore.
I can use my cell phone everywhere except in my neighborhood–we have this dead zone on the west side of town. So I have to have a land line. But then I use it as an excuse to NOT have my cell phone on except when I want to be reachable!
I’ve actually gone to T-Mobile for that reason. No cell companies work at my house.
At least with T-Mobile UMA, I can use my wifi router for making the calls.
I think he just found out that the repair person is going to come between the hours of 12 am midnight and 11:59 pm the next day.
Damn. And who on earth is ever home at the White House for a service guy?
hey, he isn’t holding the phone upside down!
No, your computer monitor is upside down. You need to fix that. Not good for it.
No no, Silly Eric, he’s saying he ISN’T holding it upside down. He just discovered that the picture he is referring to is photoshopped.
They’ll prolly charge him $4.99 for the operator assistance with his bill too. Comcast blows!!!
No kidding. Hours of aggravation to try and get my mother’s billing address changed. Funny thing, adult daughter lives in a different state? But ‘you must come in to a payment center in the state of the account’! Don’t they know that retired-age parents all move to Florida and Arizona?!?
Ah, the old I’m-waiting-to-die states…
Or the I-don’t-want-to-get-rope-into-free-babysitting states!
*roped.
Can’t type worth a darn, sometimes.
Why does the White House buy its phones at Dollar General?
I was wondering why our presidents come from DG as well.
Because the pricey rich boy presidents suck just as bad.
Are you insinuating that he shops at discount stores because he’s black? RAAAAAAAACIST
(and unnecessary for a corrupt Chicago pol anyway — I mean, have you seen Jesse Jackson Jr.’s house?)
Your call is important to us!
*remain calm, must remain calm*
Your approximate wait time is fourty three minutes
“Hey Joe! How long did they say it would take one of our nukes to reach India?”
“Hey cable people! There’s 2 whole channels I won’t be on tonight! FIX IT- or else you get a Chicago goon visit!”
Oh great, not you again.
If you’re a foreigner like you claim to be, why do you care so much about Obama? He’s not your president. Obsess much?
I smell bullsh!t.
Maybe he’s following in the footsteps of Fester — supposedly also a foreigner, yet one with nothing better to do than spin US politics.
Or maybe he’s just a really big fan of Foreigner. In which case, I want that damn belt!
Truth be told, down my way they seem to be obsessed with US politics as well. Not that I mind, but when the lead story is Obama calling Kevin Rudd to discuss N. Korea, I have to LMAO! I mean, what in the world could Rudd possibly say with his lips firmly attached to Obama’s butt?
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(let me qualify this by saying it isn’t anything against Obama. It’s just that as the PM of Australia it would be nice if Rudd would actually concern himself with policies at home first.)
I guess I could kind of see the relevance of that story — if Kim can threaten Hawaii with a missile, he might be able to threaten you guys too (assuming the distances and booster drop work out; it seems like they might, but I’m just guessing), and the US is the only country able and (probably not, sigh) willing to do anything about it.
But if the lead is “unicorn phone call!!!!eleventy!” versus threat to Australia, then yeah, no question you’re right.
A fan of Foreigner? I dunno. I think he’s playing Head Games. Getting a lot too Hot Blooded for me.
Well, he’s not as Cold as Ice, that’s for sure.
I can’t stand reading his posts, they give me Double Vision.
-Facepalm facepalmfacepalmfacepalm- -Headdeskheaddesk-
Usually, I’m more of a fan of people who are the average Patriot rather than a Traitor.
THIS IS PUNNICIDE!
(Sorry, the latter movie is only 2008- if you have Netflix you can see it free online and you’ll get it.)
How are you tonight Eric and Janie?
Tired, but thank you for asking Tyler.
Well then you should have some of my ADD! I’m having an overload right now and it will make you, rather than depressingly single, optimistically and humorously single!
Can’t, then I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I have to get up somewhat early tomorrow.
Pft.. I have an exam at 7:20 in the morning tomorrow and I’m not going to sleep until 5.
Now how’s THAT for what should be a stupid decision?
In my youth Tyler, in my youth. Can’t do that sh*t anymore.
I made it through with 0 sleep. Once I stopped falling asleep on the table, and went to check over the exam, it wasn’t even in MY terrible handwriting. It was like me, but drunk.
I still got a 95+ though, I can tell.
Not-so-sane-logical-or-lacking-biased-bullcrap Foreigner?
Do not have a girlfriend, do you?
Not anymore, how did you predict it oh master of psyche? Oh dearest king of the idiotic trolling interwebbers?
So the phone IS always ringing at the white house…hmm
He doesn’t have to worry about that. It’s the tax payers that pay his phone bill.
In the above picture our president looks quite tired and looks like he has not sleep since last many days.
Well, he’s been on hold at the cable company for 2 days and 37 minutes…