NEWS HANDS
NEWS HANDS
Like Jazz Hands, but more in-depth.
(Jon Stewart)
Picture by: dunno source. Caption by: One_of_Jennifer via Poster Builder
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Hooray! Two crappy lols to comment on this weekend.
And it’s jizz, not jazz.
You really ARE a moron, aren’t you?
Now fellas, let’s play nice. James, how can you not like J.S… Ivan, don’t worry…be HAPPY!
Who says I don’t like him? He looks like he’s masturbating an imaginary elephant. Thus, jizz hands.
And the lol IS crappy. The caption blows whale dicks.
I don’t see it. I think it’s just you.
I am used to seeing my hands in that shape. Since birth.
Sorry you aren’t!
James, the calvinball score is now a smashed guitar to an orgasmic elephant. You have 19 minutes left to intercept the Blanket of Eternity and need to score 77 Seizure Points to tie the game up. Got it?
Tyler, Win!
I think what makes it news hands is the presence of a pen.
Really? You’ve masturbated since birth? You’d think your parents would have gotten you some psychiatric help for your self-abuse addiction, especially after they came in and found you’d torn off your Pampers to fondle yourself yet again.
But I understand how you’re used to seeing your own hands that way James. Doesn’t matter how big your equipment, if you’re THAT ugly, chicks avoid you. For now on, I shall call thee…Quasimodo.
Blow me!
Fawk U!
Suck it. (Because blow is just a figure of speech)
meh. his comment was slightly funnier than the LOL.
Not that that is difficult, but he should get SOME props.
I like this one!
I LOVE this guy!
Same. Jon’s been making me laugh every night since I turned 13.
Ever seen the back of a $20 bill……. ON WEEEEED?
News?
yeah….. not so much, huh?
I think the thing that pisses righties off about Jon is that he makes their politicians and pundits look stupid largely by just playing their words back. Most of the time, he doesn’t even need a punchline, the audience is roaring before he even gets to deliver it!
context? by the way Jon doesn’t piss me off, if I’m one of these ‘righties’. I love the daily show and the colbert report. Ya gotta laugh in life.
My estimation of you just went from “Don’t like” to “lukewarm with room for improvement”
Yeah, the other day when she asked Charlie if he needed a tampon I was willing to write Amekaze off as an Anniee type debater. However further down on the thread s/he (sorry Amekaze, I don’t know if you are a boy or girl) argued pretty respectfully and even apologized for a generalization s/he made earlier. So I’m all for breaking out the welcome cookies.
-sniffle- I never gotted welcome cookiees?
*hands Tyler fresh baked chocolate chip cookie* Sorry, you came in on the religion lol that had over a thousand comments. I stopped wading through that pretty early on.
-swallows coooookie-
Thank you!
I can’t believe a picture of Jon Stewart has the words “in-depth” in the caption.
I think stewart would agree with you
I can’t believe it’s not butter!
I can’t believe Fabio is in my kitchen! Seriously, someone call the police, this is just creepy.
*speaks into his wristwatch* Fabioclone… RECALL!
Ahem… sorry about that dear, he’s new here.
Phew, I was starting to get worried. That’s very dangerous technology you’re playing with, I hope you use it for evil.
Mostly for awesome…. but never for good.
Really? I’m just shocked it’s not Baconlube.
Baconlube?
I know I probably don’t really want to know…
I think it’s a failblog reference. I’m not sure though, their comments section gives me a headache trying to sort through.
nope, do a google on baconlube – it can rather enlightening ….
hey, now there is bacon flavored vodka. Conan teaches me so many things I didn’t want to know about.
that one baffles me, what would you mix it with? or is that one strictly for drinking neat?
it just doesn’t sound too appealing, but i hear the citrus flavored ones can be good
Conan made Andy try it, he said it was horrible, but drank the whole thing. I’m personally not tempted in the least.
Yeah, it’s a real product. However, it did show up on Failblog for a time as a “Product FAIL.”
-Slurp- Delicious!
You need that sort of things if your hands are gonna be “in depth.”
well…he does more honest reporting that most shows on foxnews..
now that that’s been said…
*runs and hides under a desk*
Honest, perhaps, but in-depth, perhaps not. Still, it certainly looks more professional than sitting with your hands on the desk or shuffling some papers!
Oh gosh, haven’t heard that in awhile. Evil fox news! Damn them, how dare they have right leanings to possibly balance the overwhelmingly liberal media! That’s ridiculous! They should be conforming! Conforming dammit! There is only one way to look at news in the world, and that is through liberal eyes, or not at all. In fact, if we can’t put a liberal spin on it, dammit we won’t have it reported! That will teach those fox news bastards!
Funny how I only hear conservatives say that…
And only liberals say fox news is biased. It’s a conspiracy!!
Main stream media is not liberal biased–it is business owned, so it tends towards pro-capitalism, so that they can sell advertising space. We tend to see a very narrow spectrum of news analysis in this country.
If you want to see REAL left bias in the media, go to Mother Jones magazine, or something of that sort. And while you are at it, look for publications from anarchists, newspapers from totalitarian regimes, etc. It will open your parameters of measurement, significantly!
Those sources are just plain nuts compared to fox news. You can’t put them in the same category.
All of them are presenting what they perceive to be important, and what they think (or want to be) the ‘truth’.
Just as a ‘for example’ about what is viewed as important: I read about the abuse of women by the Taliban 2 years before it made the mainstream media, simply because I read Ms. magazine. The mainstream didn’t ‘discover’ it until it became relevant to invading Afghanistan. But for the Afghani women, it had been important–and a crisis–for years.
I think people are making a critical mistake mixing up newscasters and commentators. Your local 10 o’clock news is a newscaster. Rachel Maddow and Bill O’Reilly are commentators.
It is also amazing the number of people who don’t know the difference between an editorial and a news article. Sigh.
Are you saying no independent has ever said fox news is BS?
There are no independents. If you don’t agree with the right, you’re on the left. Obviously. /sarcasm
xD Sad thing is, I’ve heard that from both sides. Seems everyone is becoming a little more extreme in their views lately. It’s kind of worrying how people are becoming more divided. It’s like there’s a bubble of hatred hanging over everyone waiting to burst.
“[...]everyone,* waiting[...]“
Well.. we would all be to the left…. of right?….. right?
*brain hemorrhage*
Unless you’re right of left, right?
It’s a spectrum, not a sport’s team. I think a lot of people (on both sides) forget that.
Nevermind that, my brain slipped out my nose help me find it before it finds a strip club!
Perhaps if I strip it’ll coax it back? I may still have those boobie tassels shortright gave me.
That was a rhetorical question right?
those were on loan… i expect them back eventually.
*sternly* and clean.
Well of course they’re clean! I mean, I’m pretty sure most of the whipped cream was licked off anyway.
Jane, now I’m wandering around in circles trying to remember which hand I write with.
The one on the bottom. Duh.
No cold war = no enemy to be united against.
No global polarization = necessary internal division.
Are you saying no independent has ever said fox news is great?
No I’m not, but nice try at reversal. You’re insinuating that if people hate Fox News it’s because they’re Liberal. Yet I hear plenty of Moderates/Independents bash Fox, too. Truth is, Fox is just as biased as MSNBC, and plenty of independents can see that, too. Acting as though everyone who is against Fox is a Lib seems a little paranoid.
I happen to be an independent, a little to the right of center, and I don’t think fox is as biased as msnbc… So I guess you can’t make any kind of general statement about that. That’s all I was saying, probably should have use the /sarcasm qualifier though.
On whether or not Fox is as biased as MSNBC, I guess this is where we agree to disagree, considering it’s a matter of perspective truth. >.>
<.< Maybe you should have. teh internet iz serius biznezz, after all…
I think they’re both idiots, along with their fans… But honestly why fight about it. Dose ANYONE actually think their gonna convince another person of their own opinion over the internet?
Or is this all a very elaborate verbal pissing contest?
…By the way, 5 feet 3 inches. And thats without wind assist.
o.o Impressive…? But no, I guess I’m just letting off steam. I read people’s opinions silently and try to debate it out in my head. And when someone says something I strongly disagree with, or think might be a little misinformed, I usually keep it to myself. But keeping it to myself becomes a little maddening, so I post on and off to let off some aggression and see if I can get a point across once in a while. >_> not that it matters…
Little animation behind my name in case anyone is as bored as I am. <_<
Fox News is biased towards the right. MSNBC is biased towards the left. No reason to get all bent out of shape about it. Both sides have their own news network. Let’s move on.
Yeah, but righties think EVERY news source except Fox is biased against them.
Just like they mostly say “Oh, I’m not a rightie/Republican/conservative, I’m a moderate” and then are left speechless when you ask, “Okay, then, who is further to the right than you?”
How to know where you are on the liberal/conservative spectrum:
You consider MSNBC to be balanced: you’re liberal
You know MSNBC is biased, but you like it anyway: you’re liberal and closed minded
You consider Keith Olbermann to be the greatest journalist alive: you’re liberal and crazy
You like Olbermann, but as a guilty pleasure: you’re liberal and a possibly a jackass (like me)
You think both MSNBC & Fox are crap: probably a moderate
You think both MSNBC & Fox are balanced: you’re too wishy-washy, and are likely not liberal, conservative, or moderate
You think Fox News is balanced: you’re a conservative
You think Fox News is biased but you like it anyway: you’re a conservative and a jerk
You think Sean Hannity is the greatest journalist ever: you’re a conservative and you’re crazy
You like Sean Hannity, but as a guilty pleasure: you’re conservative and probably a jackass
You don’t watch TV news: Too good for TV news, huh? Jackass.
I think I’m liberal and possibly a jackass. But then, I already knew that.
Yeah, I figured I fit that category fairly well too. LOL
You have this much time on your hands?
You fail at life.
Thanks!
You are true to your name, sir.
TV news depresses me.
I’m a jackass, but then I knew that already.
Same. Winner-five?
Jackass chest bump!
“And only liberals say fox news is biased. It’s a conspiracy!!”
`
“Dose ANYONE actually think their gonna convince another person of their own opinion over the internet?
Or is this all a very elaborate verbal pissing contest?”
`
`
Thanks to teh innertoobs for the power of copy’n'paste.
Well yeah. Because liberals want to get their news from liberal news stations. I know its crazy but sometimes silly people only want to hear what they want to hear and no other side, thank you very much.
So they go to their liberal news stations. Pretty simple concept. Silly, but simple.
“but sometimes silly people only want to hear what they want to hear and no other side, thank you very much.”
Um. Seems to me that would be a pretty apt description of folks who watch Fake News, too. Just sayin’….
Or was your comment ironic and you forgot to put in a smilie?
I watch the other news programs, they just make me sick is all. I do have my bias. But it’s nice to get a well rounded report on whats going on. I still think there is no real investigative reporting anymore going on anywhere. Everyone is owned by someone and some things are just taboo to report on.
Hear hear!
Public sponsored news is the most informative and unbiased, in my opinion. NPR does a fine job of reporting on multiple sides of the issues they cover.
Has PBS or NPR ever shown the other side of the global warming issue? They may have, I never have seen it.
What, exactly is “the other side” of the global warming issue?? Global warming is a scientifically proven fact, not a debatable topic of conversation.
You illustrate my point, thanks.
You’ve yet to answer his question…
By being correct, obviously.
Find me a source that still thinks global warming is a myth, and isn’t funded by petroleum companies, coal companies, or the think tanks funded by the same.
Go ahead, I’ll wait patiently.
Oh, while we’re waiting, have you heard we’ve finally found the Northwest Passage? 500 years of searching, and it’s finally there.
Still waiting patiently.
Ok, I’ll bite, sort of.
No-one is disputing the existence of the “hockey stick” graph. What is in dispute is the pro-AGW intrepretation of that graph. Since I’ve recently seen a meaningful scaled version of it, and failed to find the Medievil warm, the little Ice Age or correlate the start of the bend with any of the increases in fossil fuel burning, perhaps you’d like to explain the reasons for those issues if pro-AGW?
DT – yeah… might have been a bit harsher than needed. wasn’t feeling well and took it out on my keyboard.
The other side is the cause of global warming. Because you are correct, it is scientifically proven to be a fact, as is cooling.
I would say wanderama is citing the whole thing about wasting millions of billions of tax payer’s money to ’save’ a planet that doesn’t need saving. I think George Carlin said it best actually.
“The planet is fine. The people are f****d.”
Well, DUH. Of course we’re the ones who need saving! If we didn’t need saving what would the point be?
Right, the planet will survive any changes short of our sun going supernova, because its existence is cyclical. The point of global warming is that we’re ACCELERATING the process more than in the past which can lead to unforeseen circumstances and consequences.
The planet will always be fine, its us we’re worried about.
That’s where the science FAILS.
You can’t prove we’re accelerating it: no one can.
But I have scientific evidence that you suck.
So do I, Eric. Trolls = Contributing nothing. Trollin’= Contributes nothing of any substance to the conversation, nor citing his sources, and Trolls= Suck so Trollin’= Suckin’.
Well, that’s the general hypothesis, but you should see the lab work that just came back on it. I’m thinking Nobel Prize. And I only had to kill 278 trolls to get the results.
Nice knee-jerk, liberal dooshbags.
No one CAN prove global warming is affected by man. Science can only disprove a theory, it can’t prove anything. It’s called the scientific method.
Go back to high school, for the love of g-d, or STFU about matters in which you are unschooled.
What’s with this “knee-jerk reaction” catch phrase lately? Seems out of place when it’s used for the most part.. such as:
Trollin, i’ve linked something for you. It’s a break down of the scientific method and the steps involved. True, you can use it to disprove a theory but you can also use it to prove a theory true. I’d link examples of this but just go read a newspaper or, better yet, go to high school.
And, as far as I’ve understood the situation with global warming so far it’s this: The earth goes through cycles of hot and cold depeding on a variety of things. The increase in output of certain chemicals and what not have increased the rate at of the heating cycle and it is compounded by the fact that the cycle isn’t slowing down at all in normal manners due to the nature of those same chemicals much like a green house effect (hence the name). Using Mars or Venus as examples of an extreme result of this green house effect you can compare the current situation on Earth as a possible forerunner of those climates. (Notice I said “possible”).
What’s concerned scientists from what I’ve read isn’t that it’s heating, that’s happened before, but as I said both the rate at which it’s heating and the events it’s causing – such as the glacial meltings which opened the northwest passage and their discovery of particular bacteria beneath those glaciers that will, if anything, further the heating process exponentially.
So, before you get all caught up in being a douche, do some research.
P.S. I apologize to any douches out there that I might have insulted by comparing you to Trollin in my previous post. Please accept this apology and the new title of “lord douche baggery” for Trollin instead.
^^^^^^^^
Feeb-fly.
nesting fail.. bleh – DT – probably harsher response than warranted, but i was annoyed a still a bit sick. that’s my excuse and i’m stickin’ to it.
Link.
You spend a lot of time listening to NPR/watching PBS then?
LOL @ Michael Crichton:
“Your science is solid, and every point you make is true; still, I’m unconvinced of your argument.”
Seriously, wth?
Actually I can recall hearing stories on NPR that included interviews of global warming deniers. They included an in depth examination of why exactly every credible expert in relevant fields of study thought the deniers’ science was fatally flawed…and a look into who was paying for the deniers’ ‘research.’
NPR has had Michael Crichton on, for what that is worth.
But as a scientist myself, the evidence I have seen published regarding global warming is overwhelming. The number of ‘anti’ scientist is a handful. Those who are collecting data about climate change are finding an avalanche, if you will, of data supporting the global warming theory.
Climate Change is a fact. Exactly how much we’re responsible for and what we can actually control is up for serious debate. Because I’d say the answer to that last one is pretty much nil.
Ironic? I don’t know about that, maybe. But I didn’t say only liberals do this. It encompasses everyone, fake news watchers included as well as conservatives.
As a somewhat left of center individual, I read/watch arguments from all sides. I like to understand what I’m for and against, thanks. A majority of the right would consider me a hard Lib, and yet I don’t fit into your ridiculous generalization. I wonder why that is? Could it be because it’s bunk?
Nicely done.
Yes that would be nicely done, if I had made a generalization. I did not say only liberals do this. Conservatives do as well, they watch Glenn Beck, stuff their finger’s in their ears and yell ‘lalalalalalalala”.
That is their right, personally I’m with you, (minus the left part) I watch all the news stations (the ones I get anyway) and I try take the truths from each side and create what might actually be the article of news that needed announcing.
So no, it’s not bunk. Many people only want to hear what they want to hear, wether liberal, conservative, independent, socialist, communist, fascist, whatever. Some people just don’t want to hear it.
“liberals want to get their news from liberal news stations. I know its crazy but sometimes silly people only want to hear what they want to hear and no other side.”
Your own statement is pointing the finger toward Liberals only listening to news they want to hear, and that they are “silly people”. If you had said “most” or “some” Liberals, that would be different, but with your own words it can be said you DID make a blanket statement. The generalization that “Liberals are silly people who only listen to news they want to hear” IS bunk. but the statement “Some Liberals are silly people who only listen to what they want to hear” is true. Saying it’s not what you said makes it seem like you’re retracting your statement. If that’s not what you meant to say, you should be more careful in the words you choose. But still, sometimes we all slip up. Even I did it in my first post above.
As for the rest of your post, I agree with you. There are lots of people out there who would rather pick and choose what’s true and what isn’t, because it suits their beliefs. It’s depressing, but there you have it…
Do forgive me, I meant to encompass all silly people not just liberals (which, I’ll be the first to admit aren’t all silly, just some).
I think I like you. I may not be on your side politically, but you argue reasonably and with respect. Please stay awhile.
^^ All’s forgiven. And I apologize for being a little confrontational. I’m used to debating a much rougher crowd, so I might be a little edgy.
“Yes that would be nicely done, if I had made a generalization. I did not say only liberals do this. Conservatives do as well”
Oh, that makes it all better. Blanket statement over everyone is much better! (Sorry Independents and Moderates, but I’m counting you as somewhere on the spectrum between.)
it’s not their right leanings that i take issue with. it’s their willingness to report rumors as facts and their claim of being “fair and balanced” when they’re obviously not either. if they claimed to be a right leaning, biased news source who sometimes ignore facts to tell a compelling tale, i’d have no problem. i wouldn’t watch it, but i wouldn’t have any issue with it. and before you go thinking i’m a disgruntled leftie, i’d like to point out that i feel the same way about left leaning journalists who also claim to be unbiased.
if you want unbiased (or as close to it as possible) try public television, or npr.
really, people who want the news ought to use as many sources as possible from as many perspectives as possible, and try to sift out the truth themselves. even if you watch 3 different news shows, read 4 different papers, and listen to 2 different radio news programs every day, if they all lean either right or left, you are just getting the exact same perspective every time, and you aren’t getting the full story.
I dunno. That sounds like an awful lot of work, abby.
You might waste almost as much time as I do.
Nah. It just seems that way because I had the afternoon off and I was feeling very very lazy.
No, no- I mean if you took Abby’s suggestion and read ALL that media.
The pen makes him look more serious.
Well the pen is mightier than the hand…
Shouldn’t that say “Fake News Hands”?
Nah… Then it would be “Fox News Hands,” and they would be fairly balanced, but definately under the table… Oh and it would feature some guy named Sean.
Oh geez.
” Now WHAT did you just say about Israel, Obama!!!!?????
Oh geezus.
Our fodder who arts at seven, Howard be the name.
You’re a crack-head, aren’t you? You’re probably sucking the glass pipe right now.
Better crack than KoolAid
What’s wrong with Kool Aid? I’m partial to Strawberry or Cherry flavored myself, but Tropical Punch is good too.
is that the blue one? i love the blue one
Personally, I’d rather give my children KoolAde than crack. I’m assuming you disagree, and I am urging you to turn yourself in to Child Services.
/snark
Whereas no one would ever reproduce with you and actually have children… snark..snark..
be careful indie zombie taft is coming for u
He so made that show.
It was O.K. before, but he is awesome.
…but that’s a comedy show, not a “news” show.
Yes, it is a comedy show, but they manage to nail it most evenings.
at least they admit they’re entertainment though
XD love it.