For the love of God
For the love of God please just shut up
(H.E. Bashar Ja’afari, Ambassador to the UN from Syria)
Picture by: dunno source. Caption by: TheGreatGonzo26 via Our LOL Builder
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Cheezburger Network Blog
This is how I feel in the majority of my master’s level classes, sadly.
Especially when the lecturer is an irritating monotone…
Why is it that the worst teachers in the world end up teaching in graduate school?
The last class I took the guy did nothing but powerpoint presentations with information taken directly from the book and he printed off copies of the slides and handed them out at the beginning of each class. Why it was necessary to even show up is beyond me.
Ughhh…I had that happen at a conference that my Agency paid $750 for me to attend…monotoned speaker did a powerpoint presentation taken right off the website… I’m sitting there hearing “Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Anyone?”…
Yeah, but you can get your revenge when they want feedback. Whenever that happens, I always trash the presenter and bitch about the money I paid for tripe. I haven’t ever gotten my money refunded, but I have gotten call backs wanting more info.
We keep getting these ads from a company (damn, can’t remember which one) (maybe it was PowerSkills?) that offers these $200 to $750 per day seminars on management techniques.
A few years ago, I went to the one for new managers. A seven hour seminar broke down into:
First two hours: jokes and anecdotes.
Third and 1/2 hour: how PowerSkills helped the presenter
*Break*
Two and 1/2 hour: Basic skills for new managers, like “show up to work on time” and “don’t let your employees get away with s**t”
Last Hour: other PowerSkills lectures we might like our employers to pay for.
Forget restaurant management, I want to get a job teaching those classes! Fifty suckers- no, wait- Fifty Empty Slates waiting to be imprinted with my propaganda, @ up to $500 per head net?!? What the hell am I doing WORKING for a living?!?
It’s SkillPath!
I can so relate – too many meetings at work have me doing the same thing. And it’s always the same person causing it.
I had a professor this past semester that would drone on and on ten minutes after we were supposed to be let out. In all honesty if somebody gave me the option to either sit through class *or* get the shit beat of me for ten minutes with a gnarly stick and get the same amount of info… I’d take the stick.
Your name is super cute, btw.
Yes it is. Cleverness, he has it. (I’m assuming it’s a he)
SEXISTSEXISTSEXIST. Just kidding. Isn’t humor fun?
Women, who are bipolar by nature, would never cop to it!
Methinks he’s just a Tick fan, but a good name nonetheless.
Spoon!
I actually like employee meetings, in my industry. Too many servers are just order takers. “D’you want fries with that?” is a sentence I only want to hear as an example of what NOT to do.
I have been fortunate to be taught by some skilled examples in our field, and I kind of wish I could get a job passing that knowledge on. My current employer thinks I can pass that knowledge on between “Okay, you’re on time, your uniform looks good” and “get out there and take table 23 because they’ve already been waiting 75 seconds”
What is he even wearing? They look like upside down headphones…
somebody’s translating whatever the speaker is saying into his language.
And it still bores a hole through his brain.
Ah, that sucks. Nothing like something boring being repeated in your own language.
I love hearing about all the translation errors you get at the UN…
“I look at my career and see it is divided into two parts”
becomes:
“When I look at my bottom I can see it has two halves”
Or
“I’m not here to play silly buggers”
*Much conversation between various interpreters*
Eventually:
“He says he’s not here to be a laughing homosexual”
There are plenty more as well…
“He says he’s not here to be a laughing homosexual”
I needed that morning laugh.
Yes that was good. Thanks AC!
Because the UN is srs bizniz!!!11!elebenty!
Yes, yes it is. Bring your best lace apparel, we’re having a meeting on dental reform.
(pointedly doesn’t make a joke about DWN’s sexual preference)
(not that there would be anything wrong with that)
Wang Cares
In the late ’70s, the American computer company Wang was puzzled why its British branch refused to use its latest motto “Wang Cares”. However, to British ears the motto sounds too close to “wankers”. (masturbaters).
Wang WANG WANGGGGGGG1
Oh but the Wang does care… A lot.
Are they not called wankers over there? Our did the motto just sound fine with the right accent?
Well, having a company named Wang is suspect in the first place, although I’ll allow for that not being a slang term in the 70’s. Also, no, in America “wankers” isn’t a commonly used term.
I always got confused by that insult. The best response being “What? You don’t?! See a doctor, buddy, seriously”
Nice!
Hong Kong Tourist Board
According to TravelBiz.com.au in April, 2003 the Hong Kong Tourist Board tried to either pull their ads or have their slogan changed. But it was too late to change the campaign that was on billboards throughout Hong Kong and in British versions of Cosmopolitan and Conde Nast Traveller.
The slogan that was running “Hong Kong: It will take your breath away.” unfortunately coincided with the SARS epidemic that resulted in numerous deaths. Shortness of breath is one of the main symptoms of SARS.
In the ’70s, Chevy started producing the “Chevy Nova”. They couldn’t figure out why sales were pretty good everywhere except in countries where Spanish was the dominate language. Eventually, of course, they found out that “No Va” is Spanish for “Does Not Go”
(note) while searching for what they changed the name to, I found a site that claims this story is just an Urban Legend
I don’t care. It’s a great story anyway!
It is a great story, but Snopes busted it. [LINK]
The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?”
10. Hong Kong dentist – Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
9. Budapest zoo – Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, please give it to the guard on duty.
8. Acapulco – The manager has personally passed all water served here.
7. Instructions on a multipurpose knife in Japan – Caution: Blade Extremely Sharp! Keep out of children.
6. Germany’s Black Forest – It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in the tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.
5. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo – When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
4. In a Bucharest hotel lobby – The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
3. Swedish furrier – Fur coats made for ladies from their skins.
2. Bangkok dry cleaners – Drop your trousers here for best results.
1. Copenhagen airline office – We take your bags and send them in all directions.
The one from Tokyo is beautiful. I’d love to be trumpeted melodiously and then with vigor.
Lynn played trumpet in high school.
I played the, erm, flute.
The smile on my face right now has to look priceless.
It’s totally true, too! But if I brought a smile I’m happy.
In bed…
With a skin flute.
Saxophonist, here. Not incredibly phallic, but when you consider the instrument is nicknamed ’sax’, the innuendo is as thick as cork grease.
…And I am the worst violin player in the history of fiddlers!
I’m a fiddler myself…wait, are we talking about musical instruments?
Tuba, and baritone.
Doesn’t exactly lend itself to any innuendo, does it?
There’s too much sax and violins on the internet as it is.
Owowowowow!
Yeah, I’m hoping that most drivers in Tokyo are women!
A guy I used to know (he looks like me, but blond, and only an 80% copy in size) came back from Tokyo with a disturbing, provocative story. He rode the subway, from who-knows-where to I-never-been-there. At first, there he is, standing with one hand on the bar strap. After about six stops, he looks around and realizes he’s surrounded by a six deep crowd of Japanese schoolgirls in white blouses, plaid skirts, and knee socks, all staring adoringly and hoping he’ll talk to them.
I’m pretty sure my head would asplode.
Damn, I need to travel more but I am sure I would manage to get malaria instead. And yes, I realize that Japan isn’t where you get malaria, my luck would be that bad…
And the first translation of “Microsoft” into Chinese characters resulted in “Tiny Flaccid.”
I am greatly amused.
Oh, just keep it up you Mac loving propagandist. I happen to know Bill paid the Japanese to fix that!!
Umm.
Okay, no I don’t. I can’t believe he wouldn’t do that, though.
Roflcopter… with a looong flaccid!
wow like my vision
married? so easy!
this made me lol.
This is how I feel every day at work about 10 times a day when clients call and want to tell me their life stories. ugh.