Guns don’t kill people
Guns don’t kill people I do MOTHER-F**KER!!
(Charleton Heston)
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: Llamaboy
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Not anymore, Chuck.
Topical.
Charleton Heston is just a winner in my book.
He’s a gunslinger, and he played an abused Jew in Ben-Hur.
BOOM KAPOW! ZING!
I’m e-baying a gun with a cold, dead, hand still attached if anyone is interested…
Why not….I’ll start the bidding at $1.67 and a VHS-copy of “Planet of the Apes”
Do you have it in Beta?
Beta AND the original “Picture-Disk” for the View-Master….
Wait – 3-D??
Also in scratch-n-sniff!!! (Although it smells more like Ben Gay, Old Spice and Gun Oil)
So it smells LIKE A MAN! YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!…I’ve never actually smelled like that.
$1.77 and an original Bob Ross painting.
$1.87 and a jar containing one of Madonna’s pubic hairs…
Total retail value: $-498.13
I’d pay you to rid the world of that Rhorho…..
What’s the point? She can make more, doncha know.
Didn’t think about that. Yuck now i wish I wasn’t.
Rho, unfortunately stray Madonna pubic hair doesn’t seem all that rare…I mean, even Dennis Rodman has a collection!!
[LINK] Madonna pap smear!
Slacker
I thought the bit about the dream of reading a book, and alternate realities was the best, coupled with the woman who kept saying she ought to know, she’s a medical doctor (who owns a mansion and a yacht. You should just QUIT.)
I saw Slacker in Austin. It was fun walking out of the theater, through the
setting for one of the scenes.
Is it brown? Circa 2000 and after only come in grey.
You really think it hasn’t all be laser removed by now?
She probably resembles something similar to a dried apricot…
And thus goes my desire for sex for the next five minutes…
Here DWN, have these two strips of undercooked bacon, that will take your mind off of it.
…or, as a male coworker of mine said about his wife’s shaved girlie…”It looked like an open-face ham sandwich”…
*shudders*
*warms up bacon a bit and puts to a sammich*
Much better.
@Mothergoose: Meh, that doesn’t really bother me for a description. I don’t expect them to look awesome. I am not there for using my eyes.
*Addendum: I am just disturbed at the thought of Madonna’s dry fruit. She hasn’t aged as well as her make up artist would like us to believe…
Seriously you guys…? I was just about to go have lunch. Thanks.
Glad to help with your diet…
@Donk: Does that mean you won’t be finishing that ham sandwich? I’m still kinda hungry.
How about we leave the old pussy convo’s to the lolcat site?
@ Steve: No, she hasn’t had them laser removed. There are some recent stage pics where her pubes are seriously sticking out from under her outfit. One in particular that I’ve seen, she’s wearing a gold tuxedo-type body suit and the lower part is bikini style. It’s almost as nasty as the pictures of her in her book last century.
…
Ladies and gentlemen, kindly note that the Captain has turned on the red oversharing light. Please ensure that all children are securely stowed in the overhead compartments and return your stewardess to her original upright position.
Put me down for $2.38
$3.00 and half a bag of special Easter edition Almond M&M’s.
From this coming Easter…or Easters past????
Does it really matter? It’s not like they go bad…
But the ones I find behind the couch are usually furry…oh wait…those aren’t M&M’s are they?
Just because they have nuts MG doesn’t mean… ah, never mind, I’ll let you work that out.
Can I just get the hand?
$3.05, a package of Peeps, and a microwave in which to joust them. [Link]
.. guess he wasn’t kidding when he said they’d have to take it from his cold dead hand.
You notice how when ever he said ‘it’ his left hand was always behind the podium.
He wanted to make sure his trigger hand was free in case some anti-gun nut tried to prise it from his warm, living, hand…
“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”
He was a pretty cool guy.
I often use that phrase – just after I’ve called someone ‘f*gg*t’, ‘n*gg*r’, ‘k*ke’,’sp*ck’, or ’stinking Y*d’ is the most common time…
I find that words have meaning and use for certain situations. Usually if the person in question is being excessively ignorant. I remember Chris Rock’s words on the matter. “I love my black people but I hate n*ggers!”
Uh huh. People seem to want the freedom to be complete wankstains without having to face the consequences. The anti-PC crowd is essentially saying, “I have the right to insult you, but you DO NOT have the right to get upset with me.” The government is not censoring people who aren’t PC. Other people have just started standing up and saying, “I find that offensive.” To which the anti-PC skidmarks reply with something along the lines of, “I was only joking why so sensitive freedom of speech help help I’m being oppressed.” The hypocrisy is sickening.
I thought I said that
Just clarifying. The anti-PC crowd are remarkably thick headed.
Your tongue was a little too far in your cheek. Those that don’t know you well may only have heard mumbling.
Yeah, it was a second before this
expression disappeared from my face.
“without having to face the consequences.”
.
If I call you a jackass, go on and be offended. I realy don’t care. You are still a jackass, and no, I wasn’t just playing.
Does your mother know that she wasted the money on that charm school for you?
Guns don’t kill people; people kill people. But monkeys do, too! If they’ve got a gun.
Apparently, chimps don’t need guns. Just sayin’….they’ll eat your f’n face off if you give them a chance (and, I guess, piss them off sufficiently).
i know a nurse who is working on the floor she’s staying on at the cleveland clinic… it’s gruesome. the fact that she’s alive literally baffles the surgeons there.
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she’s up for a FULL face transplant (which hasn’t been done before – only partialshave) as well as she’ll need a cadaver jaw because he ripped her bottom jaw off and they’re hoping to get donor eyes because those were gouged out and eaten.
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however, they won’t be able to do the face transplant for several years because she needs to be in a stable condition before they can do it. so basically they’re jig-saw puzzling her face back together right now with cadaver and donor parts until she’s stable enough to finally be fixed.
Holy crap. Chimps DO NOT make good house pets! They are freakishly strong for their size and they may flip out for no reason at any time. And just in case the ‘might eat your face’ part doesn’t dissuade you, they fling poo. And jerk off into their hands and fling that too.
Sounds like student accommodation I lived in…
You know the saying, “Human see, human do.”
And yet on NPR yesterday I heard the lady who was STILL trying to justify why people, not trained animal handlers working at a preserve, but run of the mill professionals like teachers and lawyers should be allowed to have chimps as pets if they want to. I don’t care if they look like cute furry kids in their diapers, they are WILD ANIMALS. I would say that some people deserve to get their face eaten off, but then they kill the chimp too, just for acting on instinct.
I’m sorry, that should say this lady. The way I have it implies that the lady who owned the chimp in question was on there talking and she wasn’t.
Having no lower jaw would all but preclude that… it would more inarticulate gurgling and the occasional tongue slap on the end of the mic…
The chimp owner is fine. The chimp attacked her friend. The owner allegedly fed the chimp some medication, not tested on animals. No word comes to mind for the level of stupidity the owner has. She let the animal drink wine, too. Geez!
@Fester: Sadly, that’s not the owner of the chimp but a friend (or I would guess now FORMER friend) of the owner.
Here it is: “Nash had recently gotten a haircut that changed her appearance significantly. Conklin said the chimp had been acting “rambunctious” earlier, prompting Herold to put Xanax in a cup of tea for him to drink.”
[LINK]
PK ate two posts, so sorry if they show up later. On top of the wine and the dotage, the owner had fed the chimp Xanax the night before, because he was being “rambunctious.” The friend had been called to help the woman get the chimp back inside. She (the victim) may have confused the chimp, as she arrived in a different car than usual, had recently changed her hair style, and was waving a toy at the chimp, trying to lure him back to the house.
This is all via CNN. I’m not going to put the link on this time, but you can find it by googling “chimp attack xanax.”
Ahhh…the liquor and pills combo…you’d think that primates would’ve learned something from Heath Ledger and River Phoenix…
I bet the silly mare owner sent grapes and a walnuts in a bowl…
No wonder Michael Jackson is so into plastic surgery…Bubbles the Chimp must’ve gotten to him!!!
You just gave me the shpilkes; possibly for good. That is the most horrific thing I’ve heard in many, many years.
sorry! apparently she’s got hardly any skin on her face at all. and i learned (from an outside source) that to completely reconstruct a face appropriately, it takes more skin than an average human has on their entire back. so she’s getting cadaver skin.
God, that is just horrific. Doesn’t she also have brain damage, as well?
from what i’ve heard the chimp didn’t get through the skull so there’s no damage THAT way. but she’s got huge hemorrhages in the brain from where her head was beaten against the ground and her brain hit up against the inside of her skull.
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basically she’s a freaking mess. i know if that were me… i’d probably not want to come out of it. if she’s conscious at all (or ever will be again) she’ll realize that she will never be the same mentally or physically, will never trust animals again (of any kind probably) and that she’ll look like a kindergartner pieced her face together with safety scissors and a glue stick. not a life i’d choose, for sure.
I think I’ve heard that she is in a coma that she may never come out of. With all that you’ve said I honestly don’t know if waking up would be a blessing.
No thanks. I’ll just die.
WTF was anyone doing with a chimp as a pet? I once read an article in a local paper reporting that zoo officials were making repairs to the chimp enclosure. It seems that the chimps had figured out that they could twist the nuts off of the bolts that were holding the glass in place. The bolts had been hammered down to ruin the threads, and the nuts WELDED in place. So the chimps were strong enough to break the welds, AND twist the nut hard enough to cut new threads in the bolt to back the nuts all the way off, all with bare hands.
And someone has one of these incredible animals as a pet?
We call them special people. They should wear helmets.
this all reminds me of the ‘philosophy of other animals’ class i took last semester. we had an anthropomorphism section and we watched a movie on apes. there’s a part where there are two orangutans with some tools and wood. one had a handsaw and was making sawing motions at the wood and everyone was like ” :O they look so human” but i was just thinking “why the hell would you give an orangutan a saw…they’ll keeeel you…easily”
Considering the fact that a grown orangutan can take a garage door spring and tie it into a bow without breaking a sweat, I’d say that giving an ape ANYTHING even REMOTELY dangerous is a bad idea.
Ya, I try to avoid giving metal bending and violent apes weaponry with which to better dismember me. I have “friends” for that.
i really don’t get the urge to have monkey or ape pets, they aren’t domesticated, and even domesticated critters can be iffy if you don’t train them properly. My Chessie now used to drive me nuts when i came home because he likes to “smile” where they imitate a person by bearing their teeth. it’s pretty creepy for a huge thing with fangs.
Those little Rhesus Monkeys are dangerous too when roused. On guy had his skull peeled and both eyes torn out in less than 30 secs by one… sufficed to say, he didn’t live.
I’d be interested to know how they re-eastablish blood flow in the jaw…
they re-establish blood flow to the jaw by using donor blood supply, from cadavers.
Cadaver blood? I think you missed a logical and biological disconnect there and probably misphrased.
*ignoring comment that made no sense above DWN and answering festers comment*
i don’t know if they’ve got a cadaver jaw on her right now or if they’re just trying to piece things together. i know in other cases they’ve recreated jaws with metal framework in order to start building skin and muscle around it until they found an appropriate cadaver jaw. however that would probably lead to all sorts of gross bone infections and blood infections and stuff from the “open” end of the bones that were broken when the jaw was torn off. all in all, the nurse told me that he asked to not be on her case because it was THAT bad. he worked very closely with the CCF face transplant lady from a few months back but wanted nothing to do with this one because of the severity of everything.
For a face so f*cked up, no doctor wants to risk it…
Place your Chimp order now! Operators in Titanium Alloy cages standing by!
@DWN – that just made me giggle. which is bad because this poor woman is really effed up because she went to help a friend. i feel like a bad person now… (but it’s still funny)
@shortright: Welcome to most of my humor. Somethings just get too messed up to where I can’t help but laugh just to comprehend it all.
@DWN – i fully understand that type of humor. i was sitting here nomming on my lunch and i read it and giggled then thought to myself that it’s a really tragic situation and i shouldn’t be giggling. but then i re-read it and giggled again. i am feeling rather adolescent today though… far too little sleep the last week.
@shortright: No worries, I am like that all the time.
I’ve heard that type of humor called “whistling past the graveyard.” It’s a healthy coping mechanism for things that are too hard to take.
At my possible/inevitable execution, I plan to crack jokes. Bad ones. And laugh, a lot. It will be all I have left anyway.
People are mighty stupid and irresponsible to think of owning chimps. They ain’t pets; they are dangerous animals. LINK
From Cracked: “If that clip reminds you less of Ross’s adorable pet monkey on Friends and more of Stephen Seagal “taking out the trash,” that’s because you watched it. Now imagine what that monkey would do to your goofy, non-banana bringing ass if you tried to make him wear a funny hat and a necktie.
Oh, here’s something to make that mental image even worse: On four recorded occasions in the last 50 years, chimpanzees have abducted, killed and eaten human babies. That’s human with an H, as in Homo Sapiens, as in a human baby getting wrenched out of its mother’s arms, dragged off into the forest and devoured by a chimp. We are not making this up.”
Yay, Eddie Izzard!
Actually, it is the bullets that kill people. You need a gun to make them effective, though. Just flinging them at someone doesn’t quite do the job.
Old Eddie was never a slingshot man…
People who think guns are talismans that kill on their own without proper human training also kill innocent people.
I favorited this a while back, it makes me laugh a lot for some reason.
Guns don’t kill people; really, really fast bullets kill people.
Damn ammo… what’s they got against people anyways??
Well, to be fair, the bullet usually suffers from impact, too. Sort of like a little suicide bomber…
you ever seen that special recreating the jfk assasination. those full casing bullets are impressive
Not when the bullets are made of Jello, unless you shoot somebody with a Jello allergy but that’s no way to live anyway.
Two words if you want to kill someone with a ‘jello’ (or ‘jelly’) bullet… LIQIUD NITROGEN!
*LIQUID – oh bugger…
wouldn’t it unfreeze or break up?
It would stay like hard glass for 5 mins…
good to know.
Even with the heat from firing it? Interesting.
It would shatter, I’d think.
You can also take rubbing alcohol and dry ice, which combined can be subsituted for N2 liq., for those who don’t have access to liquid nitrogen…
1) you don’t use combustion to get it to speed. since you’re going to hit organs rather than a head shot, compressed air is more than fast enough…
2) Jello when hard frozen is more like lucite than glass… it’s the stuff they
use when you absolutely, positively, have to stop a bullet getting through…
Materials science baby, gotta love it…
and idiots that don’t understand how blanks work
a blank spoiled Brandon Lee’s day so badly, he never had another. Same with Jon-Erik Hexum…
“I firmly believe everyone should have access to guns. People should be able to own as many guns as they like. But I should have all the ammo.”
“What about Charelton Heston?”
“I wouldn’t trust him with string.”
oooh! Nice!
LULZ !!
wow i havent laughed at a punditLOL in so long i forgot how great it feels :\
R.I.P. :]
Hilarious, and yet all I can think is “THIS LOL IS MISSING A COMMA!”
,,,,,,,,,
You are correct, although correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling is optional in a lol.
Unlike other undead abominations, zombie Charlton Heston was still able to use firearms.
Good, I wasn’t the only person who read it that way…
Ahhhh, now that should have been the caption!
FAAAIL
Yeah it’s often considered bad form to speak ill of the dead. Or, it used to be. To my knowledge, Heston never killed anyone. Maybe they mistook him for Kennedy.
Not that the picture was bad but honestly, I found the comments were hilarious.
This is a frequent occurence.
Okay, for the last time: Guns don’t kill people, it’s THE BULLETS!
I guess they’ve been pried from his cold dead hands
Unless he was buried with one?
RIP dear Charlton. And damn youse all to hell, youse did it, you crazy sonsab*tches.