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IMPROVISATION



Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures

IMPROVISATION: This is why we win wars.

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» 199 Comments

  1. froofrou says:

    Hmmmm……I think yer doin it rong.
    -
    *yawn* I’ve been up too long. I’m off to bed.

  2. TheCannyScot says:

    But not to worry, the White House bailout checks cleared.

  3. Uncle Fester says:

    Won wars? Last war I know the US won was 1776…

    • NoOneInteresting says:

      No, we totally won the civil war.

    • PiMan says:

      Which side do think won each of the World Wars? Just because they get the start date wrong for each war by two years, doesn’t meant they weren’t winners.

      • viking gal says:

        I think it would be better to say that the USA was on the winning side, and an important contributor to those wins. Too many British, French and Russian soldiers died for us to say that ‘we’ won the World Wars, as that implies that we won it single-handedly.

        • 0264759026834593264 says:

          technically, based on deaths the nazi forces won by a HUGE ammount. only 18% of deaths in WWII were nazi soldiers/civlians. so really. they won on that front.

          • slan agat says:

            That’s only if you count slaughter of civilians including the aged, women and children – an unfortunate side effect of overbombing on one side, a calculated program to assert control over the population on the other.

        • Uncle Fester says:

          an important contributor to those wins

          And then billed everyone for their participation… If they’d admit they were a mercenary force for the war in Europe, then I’d have less issue with them trumpeting their role…

      • Mousie says:

        I love that tbh… Pearl harbour. Two years into a WORLD WAR and they are taken completely by surprise. Gratz.

    • PortlandMark says:

      Oh, no no, we *totally* kicked the Iraqi military’s butt. Sure, they were small, starving, undertrained, and unable to defend themselves against a combined arms campaign, but hey, a win is a win!

      Also, I’m not sure if we won in 1776, or if the French did, or if the British just got bored and went home. I’m just sayin’.

      • Duckman says:

        You’re assuming a military defeat means the war is one. That is pre-21st century war thinking! I guess you agree with Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” banner? Even he regrets that!

        • PortlandMark says:

          A military victory is a victory is a victory. I don’t like to disrespect the risks our military takes to do the job we ask them to do, just because the politicians who send them to fight don’t know what they’re doing.

          Also, ROFLMAO: he thinks I’m a Bushie!

      • Uncle Fester says:

        I could have sworn some Republican said there was a ‘guard’…
        Did the ‘Elite Republican Guard’ ever show up in GW1 or 2?

    • Jack Squat says:

      There’s the War of 1812, the Spanish American War, the Civil War (war between the states for you southern folk), WWI, WWII (these we didn’t really win soley, but were a large part…and we did win the Pacific theater by ourselves), Korea (UN venture, 90%+ of the forces were American), to a point Vietnam, the Cold War (no actual battles, still a war), Desert Storm, and Iraqi Freedom (“War” is technically over, we’re dealing with the aftermath at this point.)

      I could list various skirmishes we’ve been involved in as well, but I don’t want to bore you.

      • PiMan says:

        Australia had been fighting in the Pacific just as long as the Americans.
        WWII in the Pacific was the only time Australia’s borders were threatened, so we did all we could.
        .
        The British and the Netherlands also had forces in the Pacific protecting their colonial interests.

      • Bogwart says:

        Let’s see. WWI and WWII. Er, no. The British Empire for starters fielded 5.5 million troops for the first show. WW Redux was achieved largely because of the Soviets.

        Korea – nope, draw at best. Vietnam – no, got your arses kicked. As soon as you ran away in your helicopters the North and South joined up and have never looked back.

        Desert Storm? Give me a break. American forces actually killed more of their own and ‘allied’ troops than the Iraqis did.

        Iraqi ‘Freedom’. You jest. Unwinnable, as is Afghanistan. Lives and money just pissed away.

        I’m surprised you haven’t thrown in Grenada and Panama too. Not to mention Serbia. Tell me, when is a war not a war? The US hasn’t declared war since 1941, so how can you win one?

        Stop being so American. Most of the Americans in these comments have a far more intelligent approach; you’re just back to the gung-ho bullshit we’re used to seeing from your side of the pond.

      • Rhys says:

        im not being a dick, but I dont know of any involvment in WW1? What did u guys do?
        Also, thanks for saving our asses (NZ nd AUS) in the pacific theatre Lmao…I would be speaking Japanese right now xD

        • PiMan says:

          It depends on where you live. If you live in Brisbane, Adelaide, Hobart or anything in between, you’d probably be fine. Perth is a definite maybe, but Darwin would be doomed. See name for more.
          .
          As for WWI, they were more morale boosters than anything else. But their number did help when they joined in 1917.

    • iggy says:

      What about the War of 1812? And we HELPED win WWs 1 and 2…
      Not so much 1 though.

    • AtlasShrugged says:

      Falklands, anyone ?

  4. slan agat says:

    Fester, I didn’t expect a thoroughly detailed knowledge of US history from a British subject, but I had hoped you would at least try to mind your credibility. 10-1 with two undecided isn’t a bad record, you know.

    Won:
    Revolution
    1812
    Mexican-American
    Civil
    Spanish-American
    Phillipine-American
    WWI
    WWII
    Korea
    Persian Gulf I

    Lost:
    Vietnam

    Undecided:
    Iraq
    Afghanistan

    Yes, I said undecided; final disposition of Iraq is in the hands of the politicians now, not the armed forces. Afghanistan is looking pretty bad but that’s far from over.

    • Duckman says:

      1812: draw at best, British Naval blockade was successful.
      Korean: I’d say undecided, since North and South are still at war.
      Iraq: clearly fail.

      • slan agat says:

        1812 and Korea – in both cases, invasions were resisted and the invaders failed to hold any of the territory in dispute.

        Starting Iraq was an utter fail. Initial execution wasn’t bad, but the follow-up was atrocious. Now it’ll take a diplomatic miracle to prevail upon the local politicians and retrieve the situation from utter disaster. The military did everything the government asked of it and performed well, but the government was recto-cranially inverted. I put that in the ‘undecided’ column because I still think it’s possible, just barely, to get the Iraqi leadership on the right track…but the military is not the right tool for that job.

        • chimmeychango says:

          recto-cranialy inverted???i was looking for the medical term for my ailment…
          i kind of have to agree with slan. our military kicks ass, its a well oiled machine, the problem with us lies in our politicians and people. our politicians make very bad decisions, and our people protest… our military also usually has rules of engagement that limit its ability to get things done. take the muzzle of the american dogs of war and you will see just how nasty they can be.

          • Emma says:

            I think Lyndsey England showed how nasty the American dogs of war can be quite well.

            • PortlandMark says:

              Turns out, her directions came from the White House. Let’s not avoid placing the blame where it needs to be!

              • sprent says:

                As a former MP in the army I can say if Lyndsey England did in fact
                receive orders to treat the POW’s like that, it was unlawful and they
                should of refused. However as someone who has been to Iraq for 2
                deployments. Big whoop. Treating them like college frat boys is nothing.
                And don’t tell me some frat didn’t before now stack their pledge’s
                naked in a pyramid. It’s a lot more humane then what they do.

              • Emma says:

                At the risk of invoking Godwin’s law, the guards at Auschwitz and other concentration camps were only following orders as well. A war crime is a war crime and only following orders is no defence. It just means that you need to prosecute the people who issued those orders as well as the ones who carried them out.

        • Emma says:

          Uh… the UN in Korea also invaded North Korea and then failed to hold the territory. There’s no way that can be anything other than a draw.

          The war or 1812 was also a draw. No territory was gained or lost on either side. America invaded Canada and was repulsed, British forces attacked America and burnt Washington to the ground, then withdrew after the death of their commander. The origional reasons for starting the war also sorted themselves out with the passage of time, and not as a result of the fighting, so America only achieved it’s aims by default.

          • AtlasShrugged says:

            Yet the Battle of New Orleans gave the British the worst defeat in their history and they realized that they could never retake the US. A few ground raids against the limp wristed Bostonians and DC’rs wasn’t a battle. And the tiny US navy gave the British a resounding black eye almost everytime they fought.

            • Emma says:

              The battle of New Orleans was fought after the peace treaty had been signed and so had absolutely no effect on the outcome of the war. And the reason American ships tended to win fights against the Royal Navy was they avoided fights that weren’t one-on-one, so they could take full advantage of the fact that their ships, few as they were, carried far more guns than the RN ships.

              You can dress it up as a victory all you want, but the simple fact is America started the war, took no new territory and only achieved the objectives for which it justified the war because Britain changed it’s policies due to circumstances which had nothing to do with the war.

              • slan agat says:

                Started the war? Maybe you should google “HMS Leopard” before you say that.

                • Wasn’t that the war where the British was pressing American sailors into working on their ships? Or am I just crazy again?

                • Emma says:

                  Okay, I’ve looked at the wiki page for that ship. The incident to which I assume you’re reffering, where an American ship refused to let the Leopard search it for deserters and the Leopard subsequently attacked and overpowered it, happened in 1807, five years before the war of 1812. It’s called the war of 1812 because that’s when the war actually started. Tensions were raised before it started of course, but the opening shots of the actual war were fired by America.

    • PortlandMark says:

      Again, we totally won in Gulf II. It’s just, we didn’t come home after we won, so now we’re trying to referee a civil war.

      • Duckman says:

        You defeated a poorly equipped and poorly trained Iraqi military that had incredibly low morale. Big deal. The fact is, two of the stated aims of the war were never realized: finding and removing weapons of mass destruction (there were never any) and bringing freedom and security to the iraqi people.

        • PortlandMark says:

          Please to reference my post above.

          • PortlandMark says:

            Additionally, the object of the *war* is to turn an enemy army into a disorganised rabble; in that, our military succeeded. The political side is where we failed. I didn’t support going into Iraq, but I won’t take away from our military the fact they did their job well.

            • charro says:

              I agree. It doesn’t matter that our military CLEARLY had the tactical advantage and that made it an unfair fight, we still sent men and women to DIE for POLITICAL reasons. It’s not the military’s fault we ask them to fight. They do as they are told. Or they go to prison.

              • charro says:

                I meant that in the “defense of our military” way.

              • froofrou says:

                Hey, a win is a win is a win, unfair advantage or not. I would rather send our boys and girls in with an unfair advantage than to get involved in a land war in Asia and send them to certain death.
                -
                Also, you do realize that we don’t have a draft anymore?

                • tangerine says:

                  No draft, instead the military is largely run on the blood of the poor and otherwise disadvantaged.

                • I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume charro realizes there is no draft and that the “Or they go to prison” portion of her comment refers to the fact that after you join the military, they go where they send you and you no longer have the right to question them. That’s what I got from it anyway.

                  • froofrou says:

                    I’m sure she knows that we don’t have a draft. But I’m yet to find a person who hasn’t entered the military of his or her own free will, and who doesn’t know somewhere in the back of their mind that they could be, and probably will be, sent to a dangerous place. Whether that’s a war zone is a toss up, but you’re not getting into the military for your health.

                    • charro says:

                      Or who thought an order was unconstitutional and knew if they disobeyed it.. they would go to jail.
                      Hence my statement.

                • charro says:

                  I didn’t even realise you asked this.
                  Yeah I realise there’s no draft. I just meant you join, we tell you what to do, and as long as you are enlisted you do as you are told or we spank you in Guantanamo. Well not that extreme but, that’s what I imagine.

                  • slan agat says:

                    A soldier has not only the right but the obligation to disobey an illegal order. But in the terms you’re thinking of, the courts have long since determined that an order to deploy is not in itself illegal even if the basis for the military action is.

              • B. Phil says:

                Don’t disagree with you on any particular point, except the implication that winning an unfair fight is somehow bad. If you have to fight a fair fight with an enemy in a military sense, it just means you didn’t prepare well enough.

                • charro says:

                  I wasn’t trying to imply winning an unfair fight is bad. I was trying to imply it’s not the military’s fault for being sent over there to fight an unfair fight. So the people saying we whalloped the Iraqis unfairly, they shouldn’t blame the military. They should blame the people who sent the super ultra prepared military.
                  That’s all

    • Becca says:

      Uh… you guys didn’t win the war of 1812. Since the goal was to invade Canada. And that didn’t go so well.

    • Key says:

      French-Indian War. Chalk that one up under WIN. USA USA USA USA (ad infinitum)

      And since we’re including Civil Wars, about 700 rebellions between 1776 and 1790. But this isn’t a history lesson, just wanted to make sure to add them to the Win side (USA again and again and again) to increase the Win % to just about 100. To shut up everybody. Including me.

      • Jane St.Clair says:

        Ummmm, I hate to break it to you, but the United States didn’t exist during the French-Indian War.

        • tangerine says:

          What about the Homo sapiens vs. neanderthalensis war? The US totally pwnd that one.

          • Jane St.Clair says:

            WOOT!

          • rhorho says:

            H. sapienses ROCK!

            • AtlasShrugged says:

              But those poor darn Neanderthals were poor and disadvantaged….:-(

              • viking gal says:

                Nah, some of them obviously mixed with the H. sapienses! I support that statement with the evidence of my grandfather’s XXL skull and strong brow ridge! (OK, a sample of one isn’t scientific…but it’s fun!)

                • Seth says:

                  There doesn’t appear to be any mixing between neanderthals and H. Sapiens. Most probably there were crossbreeds, but they were sterile like mules are. There is also no evidence of any kind of massive violence between us and neanderthals. More than likely, we simply out-competed them in hunting and gathering. Seeing as how we tend to fill the same niche, there simply wasn’t enough left over for neanderthals to survive on. /pedant mode OFF

                  • rhorho says:

                    Okay, Mr. Science. But if there *had* been a throw-down, we
                    woulda totally pwned them, amirite?

                    *gets out old “H.s.” sweater; notices moth holes*

        • iggy says:

          Random factoid time!
          The French weren’t really fighting the Indians. It was England-American Colonies vs French-Indians. The E-AC wanted to remember who they were fighting.

  5. Striker says:

    Um, dudes, Vietnam?

  6. 68W10 says:

    Actually, we didn’t lose in Vietnam. We drew a ceasefire. Then we withdrew. And once we were gone, North Vietnam violated the ceasefire, and it was to late.

    • Duckman says:

      Not seeing that one coming is epic fail

      • Rina says:

        There is a difference between seeing it coming and risk violating the ceasefire ourselves to be at the ready in case they violate it. If we did stay then they wouldn’t have to violate the cease fire to throw a monkey wrench in because we would have thrown it.

    • adam antichrist says:

      so it was a tie?

      • AtlasShrugged says:

        More of yet another French-go-in-and-get-their-as***-whipped-and-scream-for-the-Americans-to-bail-them-out-again kind of war and left us with the mess.

  7. Tom says:

    Man, you people just don’t ever let up. All you ever do is fucking whine and then take advantage of everything the evil western governments have given you.

  8. Katherine says:

    My husband went to Japan when he was 19, and he was a strapping young lad at 6′4″ and 200 pounds. Someone rear-ended him, and when he got out of the car, the little Japanese man looked up at him and said, “Well no wonder we lost the war!!”

    =P

  9. Tessie says:

    I have a feeling that if you look really closely at this pic, somewhere you can find the words “ACME Company”.

    • dissimilitude says:

      I’ll have you know that Chuck Jones was inspired to create Wile E. Coyote based entirely on the desert misadventures of my mentally impaired Great-Uncle Irv, who was regularly and tragically injured by Acme Company Products and so that’s just NOT funny….

      ;o)

  10. B. Phil says:

    I’ve seen a similar picture to this before, dude in that one had a pistol instead of a rifle though. Still funny.

  11. FrankiiDoodle says:

    You don’t win wars, you tag along at the end to claim some glory. I have one word to prove why you lose: Vietnam (oh yes, the dreaded punji sticks).

  12. Roryyyyy says:

    HAHAHAHA american’s winning wars :’)

  13. KuB says:

    Neeeeee, wars !

    Big cannons!

    A-Bomb

    AMERICA IS THE BESTEST

  14. Toilet Maker says:

    This is why we win wars.
    Yup, “Mission Accomplished”….
    You haven’t won any wars for how many years now?

  15. Wyde says:

    People don’t seem to understand what war is. War is when two formal nations declare war on each other and agree to kick each other’s asses. You need two because if only one declares, then the other either will declare, or surrenders.
    Therefore, the US wars (and their results) were:
    Revolution: Won
    Tripolitan/Barbary: Won
    1812: Draw
    Mexican-American: Won
    Civil: Loss*
    Spanish-American: Won
    WWI: Won
    WWII: Won
    Gulf: Won
    .
    Notes:
    *Nobody wins in a Civil War. In fact, the North lost more lives and money, and was more destroyed than the South. You could say the RIGHT people won, but still.
    The “Phillipine-American War” was an uprising, not a war. After winning SpanAm, we got the Phillipines, but, even though we restored their prosperity and civilization, one radical whackjob wanted it all to himself. So, his growing band of rebels guerilla’d against the US, but were defeated. Somehow, we decided to liberate the Phillipines anyways. Now, they have problems. Good job.
    No one ever declared war in either Korea or Vietnam. They were operations.
    However, Korea had a cease-fire, as it was a more supported and “formal” war. In both cases, even the enemy admitted that they would have given up if we had fought just a bit longer. Mind you, we were in Vietnam for 21 YEARS. Compare that to Iraq’s 5.
    And lastly, Afghanistan and Iraq are not wars either. We are fighting until the terrorist threat is (largely) removed from the Middle East, to put it simply. I guess the tactic is to cut off the head (leaders), and the body (terrorists) will die. If they’re not lead, they have no guidance or experience, and will be easier to take down then before.
    .
    That is war.

    • tangerine says:

      In this case if you cut off the head another will simply sprout up elsewhere.

    • Duckman says:

      Again, a pre-21st century definition of war. Everyone has referred to the operations in iraq and afghanistan as “wars”. The defeat of the iraqi military did not indicate the end of the war, rather the start of the asymmetric one, which is still not over.

    • D'oh says:

      And that tactic is utter fail. The leaders aren’t so important, heck if they’re removed they’re going into martyrdom and there power is still there. The limbs aren’t drafted soldiers, we’re not dealing with an army there, but they are zealous followers.

    • Wyde says:

      I agree with all of you. Surprisingly.
      1. Yes, new leaders will always arise, but they won’t be the same figureheads who led the people before. they’re not as popular or known, and will have a harder time getting support. This ideology is even in the minds of the fanatically pious followers.
      2. War is not what it used to be. (So screw “War… war never changes.”) We had to defeat the obvious enemy before going for the disguised one. Doing it the other way around is DISATROUS. To put it comically and figuratively: “The giant pile of poo on the lawn is gone, but the smell will take some time.”
      3. Since we’re not killing (the majority of) the leaders we catch, they’re not martyred. They’re imprisoned, shamed, and forgotten. And since we’re dealing with “zealous followers,” this tactic is golden. Without the leader they hunger for, who will lead them? A new guy they don’t know? It’s like electing a President without researching their history and political desires (which the majority of voters all over the world do). So, D’oh, I half-agree with you.

      • John says:

        You are still thinking in a classic scenario. Cut down the leaders and the rest wil diminish in importance. Many terrorist and their operations work in cells of a few men / women. Often with very rudmentary commands. They will often go ahead and harass the “occupiers” without direct leaders(hip). Also the idea that you are fighting one group is not correct. As we have seen all over the world there are lots of splinter groups active in these kinds of engagements. People who believe they are supported by their God can hold on for a long time.

  16. marzx says:

    PewPewPew.

    (it had it be said )

  17. Matrix says:

    Hm… must be a look at the future of the military with the democrats now controlling both houses of Congress and soon to be controlling the presidency.

  18. Bob says:

    Yeah cause invading under resourced, small, disadvantaged countries for no reason (WMDs what WMDs) the claiming victory is SO totally something to be proud of.

    Go America. Picking on the little guy, way to go.

    And you did not win Vietnam either and don’t try the Ceasefire excuse, plain and simply your forces couldn’t uproot the Viet Cong so you tried a ceasefire to cover your tracks and not look foolish… didn’t work. All it lead to was you withdrawing and leaving a country and thousands of innocent people suffering. People who are still suffering today from landmines and the side effects of naphalm.

    Exactly the same as whats happening in Iraq. I have been to America and seen the news there “America has now lost 4000 troops in the War On Terror” Do any of you know how many INNOCENT IRAQI CIVILIANS have died… do you even have a slight idea and by civilians I mean women, kids, priests, farmers, school teachers, grandparents, people who were living their lives the best they could before being killed for nothing by a self rightous invasion force who claims to be doing good. The estimated number of civilian deaths is between 90,000 and 98,000 people and these are just the deaths reported in the western media.

    • sprent2922 says:

      yes but take in to account that shia and sunni are warring factions. The American military does not kill civilians unless they are shown to be combatants. So well it’s all well and good to blame the everything on the U.S.A. it’s incorrect. Iraq is basically a civil war with the Americans attempting to subdue it and make sure the innocent people do not get hurt. I’ve been to Iraq with the American military. I’ve had my hand shaked and was thanked and offered gifts by the Iraqi civilians. Well the people there are not living a great life yet they are on the way to being a country where they have choices and decisions.

      • PiMan says:

        The American military doesn’t kill civilians unless they are within 50 or more metres of where a combatant may or may not be.

        • sprent says:

          oh is that how it is? That explains the whole rules of engagement card stating we must have positive identification before firing. The U.S. Forces don’t shoot people until they shoot at them. That’s why is so difficult in Iraq. When your enemy does not wear a uniform they always get the first shot. Now Air force dropping bombs may accidentlly injure or kill civilians. but not before they have ample warning to leave the location. Again politics dictated that. That’s why in 2004 everyone was given the heads up in Fallujah and why most of the weapon caches were moved before we entered.

          • John says:

            Another question to you. Do you think these people are so happy to be free? Under Saddam they had terror, yes of course. But the had food, could move safely at night through their cities ( all is relative of course). In their eyes they have lost that. For a democracy they didn’t ask for. People are basic beings, democracy can wait till we are fed. That is why it is so hard to win the harts and minds of these people.

            Estimated civillian casualties are approx 100.000. So that is some lousy shooting.

            • froofrou says:

              Give a cite for that number of civilian casualties.
              -
              And would you be happy with a dictatorship that might or might not whisk you away in the middle of the night for having unhappy thoughts about your lot in life? But I digress.

            • sprent2922 says:

              Again john Iraq is a civil war the u.s. is playing referee. you can’t blame all civilian deaths on u.s.a. and as a fun little bit of info guess what the U.S. does if they wound or injure a civilian they pay reparations. But we’re too evil a military to do something like that. and as far as walking down the street as long as your were not shia, or kurdish or female then yeah you’d be free to walk down the street. link for the repearations http://www.usnews.com/usnews/news/articles/040927/27civilian_3.htm

            • sprent2922 says:

              saddam would see that his chosen people got food. women kurdish and shia were not allowed a fraction of freedom the sunni were. and if you look at my post above the one you replied to Iraq is in a civil war civilian casulties are not because of the U.S. and are in no way a reflection of what the U.S. is attacking we’re basicly playing referee. as google us iraq civilian reparations and see the the fact the u.s. pays when the accidentlly wound or kill someone.

          • PiMan says:

            I’m more thinking of an attack earlier this year on a small town in Afghanistan the the US claimed killed no civilians, but Afghanistan and the UN say killed more than 90 civilians. Several weeks later, the US conceded that they may have it civilians. Click name for some info.
            .
            This type of incident is not unique, but this is one of the worse examples.

  19. Steve says:

    There are winners in war?

    This is a new and confusing concept to me…

  20. Juan says:

    what the hell is wrong with yuall?!!!

  21. Stephen says:

    Our UAV is online.

    I apologize.

  22. topierland says:

    And the funny part of this is that you don’t win wars.

    • Uncle Fester says:

      It’s the attachment to carpet bombing… only time it worked was Dresden, and that was mostly the RAF. US have tried it in every theatre since, and really, all it does is piss off the local wildlife.

  23. Ell Jay says:

    Name the last war you won without dropping a nuclear bomb…


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