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Poor little Suzie would need years of therapy after the unfortunate Santa “Wardrobe Malfunction” incident.
Who is that in the picture? Tell us in the Comments
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: BigBadCityBoy
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Cheezburger Network Blog
first
I don’t know the expression for what I did, but I cringe a little and made a sound similar to being punched in the gut.
Me too, Suzie. Me too.
*** Why is my closet so empty, so dark? Surely there should be something in my closet; closets are after all, according to my explanatory framework, made for things. Indeed I remember putting my toys away just yesterday. And besides, Stephen Hawking says there just must be stuff in my closet. But I can’t see it! Therefore: Monsters!
Fortunately, little Suzie can take the useless comma in that sentence and sell it on eBay to pay for her therapy. If it sells, she can toss in that extra period for free (since it’s obviously the last one she’ll have for a while).
Grammar and, sentence. Structure; are – apparently. Lost. Arts…
Perhaps the lolmaker was Captain Carrot?
Of the Amazing Zoo Crew?
A man for whom the common comma is not so common.
Vimes recognised the ballistic approach to punctuation…
Is that a reference to Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels?
In retrospect it feels sick and wrong, but I was far more worried about the grammar than ‘Suzie’.
Does this make me a bad person? Or has that one sailed right by already?
It looked less like a wardrobe malfunction and more like the disgusting old lush smacked the child with a balled fist…
He couldn’t have hurt her that much: He was wearing festive oven mitts at the time.
Toughen up, Suzie!
for real. suzie needs to man up, santa’s an old man anyway. he couldn’t have done *that* much damage.
wouldn’t say bad person…
a really annoying and pretty much useless person, maybe…
I mean, come on: this site was FOUNDED on grammatical errors…
Here:
Take ten bucks, buy yourself a pair of “let’s-look-past-the-insignificant-details” glasses and a sense of humor…
-Have a nice day…
To BigBadCityBoy:
Good one… I LOL’d myself… keep it up…
Lot of people were toilet trained at gun point… I find the postings with bad grammar painful, but on the LOLs themselves I’m not fussed, since it’s about intent.
…so my cringing at bad LOL grammar is part of the artist’s intent?
Interesting notion, that one is.
*holding Cosmopolitan in one hand and a French cigarette in the other*
-
You see, dahlink, the cringe ITSELF is the aht. *takes drag of cig through French holder* I would not expect such a perhson as yohrself to undarstand, Dahlink.
-
*walks away muttering in disdain and dripping with pretention*
I just accidentally grammar. Should I be worried?
Wow, have I ever been served! Like a fool, I’ve squandered my days seeking better living through clarity, syntax and punctuation.
*opens window; begins mopping pretense droplets*
You’ve got to get these up before they dry. Otherwise, they’re like eggs…
*hums “Cruella de Vil” while working*
*throws away empty pack of generic cigarettes*
*hands Rho a dangling participle* You might want to hang one of these out your window, dahlink.
*adds dangling participles to clothesline, next to hanging prepositions*
Pretty soon you’ll have a privacy screen to sunbathe in your back yard!
Ooh, does Rho like to sunbathe? There’s an outfit I like on a woman!
LMAO!! I’ll be doing a rain dance, or risk never getting those moochity neighbors off the place…
Grammer? Grammer? We don’t need no stinkin’ grammer!
Nor spelling, apparently.
*hovering in a smoky shimmer over rho’s shoulder*
Here, have mine. Players. Not Frenchy, but not bad.
Thanks, but it just doesn’t seem right without the long black
holder like Frooella de Vil has…
*hands rho an extra holder*
-
*walks away cackling*
(to self) D@mn, I didn’t know what I was starting with that
bleach streak in her hair…
*Looking coldly over shoulder*
That ‘French ciggy holder’ is tres passe, mon ami. Hold it like this *holds ciggybutt left-handed & backwards, dragging deeply*
THAT’S how we do it on the Left Bank.
*coughs explosively, eyes watering & dies on the butt-strewn floor ‘midst old espresso drippings*
*rubs paddles together*
CLEAR!!
*JOLTS pdq back to life*
NOOOO!!!! I’m NEVER coming back! I LIKE it dead! *claws frantically at the ether with chipped spectral nails*
*grabs towel; makes turban*
*lights candles; initiates seance*
pdq, this is your last chance: You get back here this instant
or I’m canceling your subscription to National Geographic!
French cigarettes! Bugger – gave up at gunpoint six months ago and I miss it SOOOO much… Gitanes or Gauloises – and if you got a carton as a Christmas present…
*looks longingly, fumbles for old Zippo*
Tell me about it… I stopped 12 years ago now & I STILL jones for a ciggybutt betimes. Even after a party a few years ago when I lit up, dragged, & almost really did die on the floor ‘midst the spilled coffee. Tasted HORRIBLE, made me sick, gave me a vicious headache… and I still want one sometimes. Pure Pavlovian response now, the sick is worse than the desire, therefore I don’t reach for one ever again. Just piss and moan and annoy the smoking people.
Then whatever you do, don’t watch the commercials for the quit-smoking product where the sad-looking blonde woman says, “At 8:30, I need a cigarette. At 10:30, it’s my break at work, I need a cigarette…”, etc. I haven’t smoked in years and that commercial always reawakens the cravings.
Really not funny.
Crying children! Innuendo of impropriety! What’s not to love?
Thaaat is exactly what’s not to love. =/
Caaan anybodyyyyyy fiiind meeeee somebody tooooo
LOOOVE
*sings along to Queen badly and off-key*
With that singing? Have you any idea what an ask that is? Best I can do for you, my dear, is the Simpsons’ Slack-Jawed Yokel.
Everybody loves crying babies…as long as they are someone else’s.
Hmmm… a severe lack of awareness?
On whose part?
Sorry to hear that you think that way.
Is it just me that wants to whack the parents whose kids are terrified of the 7 ft tall red stranger with facial hair, but still try to make them smile and sit on his lap and talk to him?! Just for a cute pic to send the relatives. *goes to therapy*
I WANT TO SHOOT THEM TOO! *high fives*
Hurting those parents wouldn’t do much good for the child either. Not exactly a rational response.
You expect ‘rational’… look who’s posting there…
Truly, even Savage Baboon (up top) made more sense…
I deeply suspect that there’s a one that seeks not understanding but justification for her rage.
No wai! I just gave them the agony back!
.
See, there’s a picture of me when I was four years old, sitting on Santa’s lap and bawling. I was j-u-s-t old enough that I actually remember it. It wasn’t that bad. I was more pissed that they made me sit there when I didn’t want to than scared of the big guy.
.
BUT…
.
Rather than harboring some crazed resentment and spending zillions on therapy, I took a more… aggressive approach.
.
Every time someone new sees that picture, I make sure to tell the whole story of the Santa Clause’s Restaurant Massacree with four-part harmony and full orchestration, including the part with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us.
.
In other words, in the 30 years since, I’ve never let them live it down.
.
THAT, my friends, is WAY better than therapy.
.
.
.
.
(Did I just channel John McCain there at the end?)
Uhhh… any chance that he channeled you?
“circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each on explaining what each one was”
HAHAH, made of awesome
Why is the mom laughing? Was the malfunction not truly a mistake? MOM’S PIMPING OUT HER FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!!!