Steve had strict orders…
Steve had strict orders… if the dow drops below 8000, yank the fire alarm.
Who is that in the picture? Tell us in the Comments
picture: dunno source, via our lol builder. lol caption: nubster
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He looks like he’s having a stroke.
And to try to get topics going
Everything is bushs fault including whether or not this guy keeps his job, leaves his wife and wins the nobel prize.
I’ve been watching more then commenting. I still love everyone!
We love you too, TC!! *mwah*
No, no, no, it’s all Barack Obama’s fault. It’s strange that people in the Republican party think he’s even more powerful than even the most ardent Democrats, he’s been resposible for everything bad since the dawn of man and he’s not even in office yet. Must be his Muslim Socialist mind control powers making the government do his evil bidding
Wait for it dude, you’re about to prove Poe’s Law.
He looks like a cow chewing the cud…
I think I agree more with this comment.
I think he’s some sort of Zombie Trader. The vacant stare, slack jaw, and greenish tint on his right hand clearly marks him as one of the undead.
Shaaaaaares!
LMAO!! Unfortunately, the shares he eats today wouldn’t provide much in the way of sustenance…
Yeah, and he can’t even switch to bwaaains. Those are in even shorter supply on Wall Street these days. Poor thing must be starving, he can has my cheeseburger if he wants.
I suggest tossing it one way and running the other:
Desperate broker zombie is desperate.
ROTFL! Don’t worry, I speak softly and carry a boom-stick. Bruce Campbell style.
LOL!
It’s true – he doesn’t have a mean left hook. He has a mean left saw.
I actually caught that. You may be proud of me now.
:^)
:hugs the stuffing out of rho!:
*acts humble, but is secretly really-really proud*
I’m borrowing here, but I thought this was funny:
`
The Zombie Food Pyramid
brains
brains brains
brains brains brains
fruit vegetables brains brains
brains brains brains brains brains
Hmm, not so sure about the fruit and vegetables part…
He looks kind of like Vin Diesel chewing cud.
*makes out with past self*
Mmmmm… charro.
He looks like a slack-jawed yokel
Some folk’ll never lose a toe, but then again some folk’ll.. Like Cletus, the slack jawed yokel.
He also looks a bit coked out. Rough night, eh baldy?
As a representative of “Bald Cokehead Hairclub For Men”, I find “baldy” an offensive term.
;o)
No offense intended. Lots of bald men (though few bald cokeheads, I must admit) are hott. Samuel L. Jackson and Patrick Stewart seem to be rocking the bald (or shaved head) look. “Bald” isn’t this guy’s problem — “D-bag who lost everybody’s money” is more the issue.
His head is cocked, like he’s on the phone, but I can’t see a phone. Odd.
Do you think he thinks he’s on a phone???
He’s calling his overlords on Planet 10 for further instructions.
Ah–That’s it! He’s just tilting his head for better reception…
Is there a reason why floor traders have different material on their jacket backs?
Kevlar vest, so they don’t get shot in the back
I’d worry more about knives
knives are far too personal.
however you slice it.
…but sooo much more rewarding!
Remind me to keep sharp objects out of reach should we ever meet!
Okay, suuure I will. Just put that thinky-thought out of your head. *I’ll* remind you…bwah-hah-hah!!
I actually answer the door with my Kris in hand if I am not expecting company though the person at my door never sees the knife until it is too late. Luckily, nobody has deserved to be knifed so my jail record is clean.
I’m not paranoid, really… >_>
<_<
I’m not convinced that my upper body strength would carry me through any situation, so I call my weapon of choice “.38 reasons not to mess with me.” Hollow points–gotta love ‘em!
LOL!! I’m not convinced that my upper body strength would carry me through all scenarios, so I call my weapon of choice “.38 reasons not to mess with me.” Hollow points–gotta love ‘em!
Gah!
Kris? I thought her name was Lynn!
But for srs, the Damascus steel blade with ivory and amber eagle’s head hilt on my desk is NOT a letter opener. I know where you’re coming from.
Wow, you seem to have missed some potential there. Not only will that sweet weapon open letters, it’s great for pegging that one Post-It note that doesn’t want to stick. Sorry to butt in, but I hate to see a multi-purpose tool not live up to its potential!
BTW, just a theory, but I believe Lynn is the right hand, and Kris is the left one. I may have those backwards, tho. ;o)
Maybe he named his wang Kris. You know, that would make a lot more sense.
AHH! Awareness dawns!
)
It takes a great man to understand. I bow before your gonadeal greatness, Sir!
Well, darling, whilst you’re down there……
Get the remote?
I don’t actually watch television at all, but there is something you can grab for me.
*grabs*
I remember reading somewhere that knives can penetrate Kevlar, even though bullets can’t. ???
I believe that’s true…..
“Vests designed for bullets offer little protection against blows from sharp implements, such as knives, arrows or ice picks, or from bullets manufactured of non-deformable materials i.e. steel core instead of lead.”
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From Wiki.
“Corrections officers and other law enforcement officers often wear vests which are designed specifically against bladed weapons and sharp objects. These vests may incorporate coated and laminated para-aramid textiles or metallic components.”
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Also from Wiki
For a stupid reason, I think that Kevlar and Flack (?) jackets, worn together, are a good defense against most bad things one can experience.
But I think ya gotta be a BIG mutha(shutyoumouth) to make it stick. I’ve got this mental image of a 6′2″, 115 lbs computer professional dieing in the zombie movie, shocked he didn’t penetrate the kevlar with his Leatherman blade.
Definitely looks like he’s going into shock. Perhaps reality has just set in that it’s going to be a tough Christmas for him. His daughter will just have to settle for the ‘08 BMW instead of the ‘09 she wanted…
Anyone see that youtube video about the girl crying over the wrong color car?
Your comment reminds me of that
Oh, for the love of god. I’d be overjoyed to get any kind of car. Spoiled brat.
I’ve got a 1977 Lincoln Continental you could have….
That would be awesome! Any kind of car would be great by me as long as it runs. Not my little brother, though. He wants an Xbox in his. DX
Oh…you didn’t say anything about running…maybe you could sell the little brother on e-bay, use the proceeds for the “Kuromisamobile”!!?
Ah…there’s always a catch. ; )
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Ha ha, I wish! But he’s too old to be adorable and too young to be of any other use…hm, might be useful as a crash-test dummy or something. *ponders*
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“Kuromisamobile” reminds me of the Batmobile. XD I’m a superhero!
…and just think, you could add the “ejector-seat” for your little bro!! Oh, the hours of fun and entertainment for the whole family!
I just got done watching the 2008 “Death Race” movie. (Aw, come on, I really like Jason Statham!) Ejector seats seem really cool to me right now!
Hey! Thought you were a Hippy. Where’s yer bicycle?
Believe it or not, I never learned to ride one. Best-case scenario would be a hydrogen car, but since those aren’t available yet…
Rickshaws use the Greenest energy ever… Other people.
Do you have an analysis of how much methane-bearing waste per unit of energy output humans produce in comparison to horses or oxen?
I think an analysis of the feed cost/work output ratio is necessary, as well. These animals are famously unreliable.
The mechanic I used to go to had a hobby of buying junker cars and restoring them in his spare time. I remember what a beautiful job he did on a two-seater T-Bird. He’d have a field day trying to restore a vintage Lincoln.
Hmmm.. sadly I just got rid of my beemer. Hahahaha that sounds sooooo yuppy. But I did have a beemer it was a 1983. It ran nice when it would run. Not a big fan of the cold weather. I traded it in for a Honda.. that, my soul, my firstborn and a snickers bar.
Keep bragging–We’re listening!
)
Um… I did get some lovely parting gifts. A tote bag and some cement booties.
Oh man, they got the Snickers bar too???
*snickers*
Some one cried over the wrong kind of car D: shit i’m paying for half my presents this year cause i feel bad making my parents pay more than 100$ on everything they get me.
No… not the wrong KIND of car. The wrong COLOUR car. Like, if I wanted a black 1965 corvette and my dad gave me a red 1965 corvette type thing. You know, cause it’s not like you can REPAINT a car or anything.
I feel sick to my stomach now. I hate spoiled people.
really? reeeeally? damn, i get a little stuffed owl and I feel loved. much less a damn car.
i hate to admit this… but watching an episode of super sweet 16 on mtv (i know, i’ll punish myself later) there was a girl who ran away from home for a week, racked up moms credit cards until mom figured it out and canceled them, refused to do any chores or anything after moving back home. and on top of a several hundred thousand dollar party (no joke, the party alone was almost $300,000 – they flew first class to paris with 5 of her friends to find the “perfect dress”) she wanted a top of the line customized SUV. when mom and dad didn’t just give it to her on her birthday she started crying…. no more like sobbing… in the middle of the restaurant. then she started screaming that they were ruining her birthday and that because it was her day she deserved the car.
of course, mom and dad went out and got the car for her in time for her over the top ridiculously self important birthday party.
but not getting a $70k car on her birthday (after she OBVIOUSLY misbehaved to the point where any normal child would have been lucky to see the outside of the house for months) had her sobbing and screaming in public.
Raise your hand if you PERSONALLY want to slap the taste out of this spoiled brat’s mouth.
*raises hand*
*raises both hands*
raises both hands…
Raises two-by-four with nails in it.
[kang and kodos voice] Look out! He’s got a board with a nail!
*snort* nice.
I’m beginning to think Operation “Enduring Occupation” was a bad idea.
But they were working on weapons of Mass Disintegration!!!
Suuuuuuure the were.
Do feet count to?
And people look at me funny when I talk about chemical sterilization as if its
a viable concept…
I think people should be automatically sterilized when they reach a certain age, and made to apply to have kids………*sigh* I know, I know, I’m a damn fascist……
LoL. I like it.
There are some people who really shouldn’t have kids?
I’ve idly thought that everyone (boys and girls) should get some sort of norplant-type reversible sterilization when they’re 11 or so, which could then be undone when they choose to have children. Notice that I’m not talking about forbidding anybody to reproduce, just making it so that nobody could get pregnant or impregnate anybody else by accident.
I think that people should be sterilised at birth and then have to fill out all kinds of bureaucratic red tape nonsense forms to get approved for child birthing before we un-sterilise them. Strict regulations and all that.
I know that’s SUPER fascist, but about 99% of the people I know (personally) who have children are complete morons and are letting television raise their child(ren). It makes me sad. And angry.
That’s really just a knee-jerk reaction I have, I know many people make wonderful parents. But I also see so many people who should really have been drowned at birth raising children like they are livestock and don’t have half the sense of a pygmy goat. Then the fascist people hating imp inside me rears its ugly head and says “STERILISE EVERYONE!”.
/end rant
“about 99% of the people I know (personally) who have children are complete morons”
`
Hey, go to any store between now and Dec. 26 and you’ll have concrete mathematical proof of your theory.
`
Plenty of people have kids in the first place because they were too drunk or too careless or too irresponsible or too unable to plan anything to use birth control — in other words, they became parents because they possess qualities that make them unfit to be parents. ??? !!!
I totally agree. I see so many stray kids while shopping, it drives me mad! I know it’s difficult to keep up with children, but I get the sincere impression that parents don’t often even try. I’m left with nothing but to imagine that some parents secretly *want* their children taken. Unfortunately for them, their children are so misbehaved, nobody else wants them. When the day is done, they’re forced to take them back home. Sorry if I offended all of you negligent parents out there. Oops–wait! No, I’m not.
)
Will you come to the store with me? I am awful at math. Plus, all the screaming children will drive me crazy.
Can we make long-term condom ‘on-plants’ part of the standard equipment for those 11 year olds?
Oh definitely. *raises hands*
Slap the taste out of the brat’s mouth? Actually, no. It sounds like she’s working within the established protocol of her family system. If her parents hadn’t been rewarding her for her bad behavior, she wouldn’t consider sobbing and screaming in order to achieve whatever goal she happened upon at the time. Did her parents teach her adaptive behavior for adulthood? Nope. Slap her? Nope: She will be slapped soon enough, and often.
Can we slap the parents?
Slap ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out.
Yaarr?
You sound familiar… Hey, wait…
That’s you, Uncle LeRoy! Quit acting like a pirate, and get that hat back to Aunt Flo before she wakes back up! (I can’t go anywhere without my family embarrassing me…)
I’d rather walk me own gangplank then go back to that harridan. The Hat compels me! The Hat compels me!
Quick! I need an old priest and a young priest!
Heh, they’ll never get past my sharks with laser beams on their heads.
It’s okay, Froo–It’s the Milk Duds talking. He’ll be asleep in a little while.
*Looks into aquarium*
Uncle LeRoy, what did you put on those fish?
*Looks up*
Hey, Froo? Where did he go? Oh, stars–I hope he isn’t trying to build another plank in the koi pond…
*Runs to the back yard*
Koi are mean enough. They don’t need fricking laser beams! *runs to help rho*
*jumps in pond*
Yarr, it’s Davy Jones’ Locker for me!
*pond is 3 feet deep*
Curses! Foiled again!
*grabs tin foil hat from TPK* There’s your problem right there! You won’t get foiled so often if you DON’T WEAR FOIL!!
Uncle LeRoy, while you’re in there, can you check the pump? It’s making that slurp-slorch noise again.
Froo, you might want to hide the hat. Uncle LeRoy has been known to be a bit forceful…
*rubs chin with index finger; taps toe*
Hey, did you see that? A saucy wench just ran behind yon tree…
*pulls out spare hat with custom foil insert*
I told you to get one of those pumps shaped like a treasure chest, but you just wouldn’t listen. Prolly just some barnacles.
Did you hear me Unc…Captain?
*pokes head out from behind tree* SHHHHHHHH! He didn’t see me, rho!!
*cups hand to side of mouth*
I think he lost his hearing aid in the pond–Stay there!
Unc…Captain? A saucy wench of ill repute and double joints is hiding behind yon tree, methinks.
Wut’s that? A Herring Raid? NOO, not my herring!
*runs inside with soggy boots*
Froo, I think you can come out now. I’m going to the kitchen. You would think after all these years I would remember to hide the flippin’ foil!
*runs back outside with armload of herring*
They’ll never look behind this tree! Jumping Jehosaphat!
Why hello thar…
Rho!! Help! There is a crazy pirate over here! He’s trying to wrap me in tin foil! ACK!!
*sigh* Pond water all over the kitchen floor!
That’s strange, where’s my mop bucket?
*muttering* Nobody around here ever puts things back where they go… No foil, no bucket…. *GASP!!*
*runs to back yard*
Froo!!
Well I’ve only got about two square feet, so wrapping is a bit of a stretch
But I’m trying by gum!
Yeek!! He’s slapping me with fish!!! Why!!! Oh, the humanity!!!! *runs away*
Unc…Captain, I believe there is some more foil in the house. I hid it behind Aunt Fl…that harridan. You may have to pillage and plunder to get it. Your call.
*looks down* Benny!! Joon!! *picks up fish; runs back to aquarium*
Yarr, If this ships a’rockin don’t come a’knockin!!
*Phew, I shouldn’t post drunk, I’m fair swozzled and off to bed. Goodnight internet.*
…and the Milk Duds kicked in–Whew!!
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*dials froo’s cell*
Hi Dear…No, he’s gone…Could you come back and help me for a minute?
Now WHERE is that BLUE BUCKET!?!?
Okay, seriously, you guys had me laughing out loud.
Oh, and drunk typing? Thanks for the suggestion!
I love you guys so much right now, seriously. <3
Best. Thread. Evar.
I don’t know about the other two, but I was LMAO the whole hour!
Oh, and for my part, thanks!
)
At least thats not assault on a stinking, whiney, self centered, annoying
minor…
Beat my guests!
Oooh, I’ll stand in line for that! Or, well, I’d prefer prodding them. With pointy sticks. Slapping makes my hands all read and tired, and ups my budget for hand cream. Pointy sticks FTW!
“read”? I mean “red”.
“Oooh, I’ll stand in line for that! ”
`
Reminds me of the scene in “Airplane” where they were all lined up to slap the hysterical passenger.
Ouch! Ouch! I just sprained my shoulder!
Um… If I had a child who did something *remotely* like that.. They would be lucky to see the inside of my house ever again. Misbehaved is an understatement.
I could be wrong, but Steve here doesn’t strike me as old enough to be likely to have a kid of an age to buy a car for. PowerWheels Barbie Jeep, maybe.
Or how to break the news to the trophy bimbo that they’re ONLY going skiing in Aspen, instead of Switzerland, this year.
Heck–that’s easy: Spin her around three times then tell her she’s in the Alps. Done.
Then kick her in the ass down the ski slope.
LOL!! When she wakes up, she’ll think she has been to the moon and back.
… and Plaxico had strict orders to fire at the alarming flank.
was his own “flank” that alarming?
Oddly, he shot the same leg that had just been injured.
So I figured he flew into a rage about being sidelined and had one too
many and looked at his leg and …
I read where he gave the hospital a false name…maybe he borrowed one from michael Vick and went as “Plaxico Mexico”…
What a cutie. he’s got strict instructions to get over here right now.
I got my mom’s old ‘94 Voyager … and I felt lucky … mmm people … on that note nice LOL
I got a 10 year old Accord…when I was 24. And was massively grateful!
I got my dad’s 1978 Dodge Colt hatchback…in 1991, when he couldn’t use it anymore because of the being dead and all. We don’t give up cars easily in my family. (Although it continued on being a nice reliable car for several more years after that. It finally died with around 200,000 miles on it, I think.)
For a long time, we had a tradition in my family that when someone died, everyone else moved up a car. Since we generally took pretty good care of our cars, the system actually worked pretty well — though I wonder how far back in history one would have to go to find the original car.
And me is driving an 1989 Ford Sierra (me iz in europe) and it’s till a good one. I akshully prefur old cars, more fun than brand new ones if you ask me. And then i don’t even mean the classics.
When I was 16, I got my dad’s ‘76 Chevy Chevette, which he had converted into a little mini El Camino. I used it to haul the wood we used to heat our house, not so much the women who refused to be seen in it!
When I was a leetle kid, my dad taught me how to start his Comet without the key. (I forget what that’s called.) Anyway, he also let me shift gears. We used to go sailing around, raising all kinds of trouble, in parking lots. Who knew he was training me to work a d@mn tractor?
Jump start!
We did it on cold mornings when the vw bug-wreck
wouldn’t start. I’d peer over the steering wheel while my brothers
pushed us over to a steep hill.
Is it called a “cold start?” To my mind, “jump start” would involve cables, positive/negative terminals, and all kinds of crazy-scary badness. (Can you tell I’m a little afraid of electricity???)
Popping the clutch, maybe? Although, in the right context, that can mean something REALLY dirty
)
As you well know, I *usually* prefer the dirtiest possible interpretation of anything. BUT, childhood memories with Daddy? Uh, NO!
“Popping the clutch” sounds promising. Is that a way to start a ‘59 Comet without turning the key? I remember that we had to be on a hill…
Yup. You start out on as much of a hill as you can, hold the clutch down, get the vehicle rolling, and then let the clutch out FAST! I’ve never done it, but hubby is supposed to teach me how in case I ever need to know
) I drive a stick shift truck right now, I just don’t know how to pop the clutch yet.
I think it’s easy. Evidently, I was a master of the “top part” as a kid. (Dad worked the pedals.) I drive an automatic now, but miss Dad’s old ‘59 Comet, Mom’s old ‘69 Cougar, and the others in between. …but not the tractor so much.
My first vehicle that was MINE was a 1972 Chevy long bed pickup truck. Three on the tree and the high beams on the floor. I loved that truck! The guy in the Ford F250 that pulled out in front of me regretted it because I t-boned him and still totaled his truck. Mine just needed a front clip, but the impact bent the frame *sob* I cried like a little baby when I had to give that truck up. It’s still running now, but it drives weird
)
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We also have an old International (I believe a ‘72 or ‘73 as well) that gives me chills thinking of driving it!
I had a favorite vehicle, too. It was one of those Celicas with the pop-up headlights. I called it my little blue frog. Isn’t it strange how attached we get to our vehicles?
You’d love hanging with my friend Pixel and his ‘61 Comet, Emily. I don’t want to think too hard about the hours and money he’s put into getting that grand old girl roadworthy……
I wish Dad had kept his. I think he had over 250K miles on it when he finally had to say goodbye. When I was little, I used to help him work on it (read: bug him while he was trying to work on it).
Pixel probably appreciates that he *can* tinker on that car. There’s little magic in replacing electronic parts on newer cars.
Pix is a total art car geek, it’s a labor of love for him. Emily’s teh most normal-looking car he’s owned in the time I’ve known him.
My best friend, Dave, has a Galaxy 500. Pix sounds a lot like Dave, except that Dave is gay, and his car is named “Butch.”
The last project Pixel had to abandon was Scar, a big nasty brute of a Nova painted matte black with industrial grillwork over the lights, plates with big honking exposed rivets, and he had planned for a tank hatch on the roof with a removable dummy gun turret. Sadly, it got too expensive to finish the project and it was an absolute pig for gas.
What happened to the Nova? I hope Pixel didn’t cut out the roof panel before he abandoned the project!
I don’t know all that much about auto mechanics or body design, but I looove to be around shops. (Does that make me a grease monkey junkie?) It’s fun to listen to people with creative minds, like Dave and Pixel.
No, he hadn’t cut the roof yet. He sold Scar, I don’t know where it ended up.
I think it’s a bump-start, actually. Get rolling, then slam the car into gear?
That’s right – I think we also called it (wrongly) jump start
because that little bug would jump clear off the pavement
when you let out the clutch. We’d drive it around the block to
get it warmed up while Mom got ready for work. Or went to line
at the gas pumps. Yup, it was a recession.
THANK YOU!! I hate it when little questions crawl into my mind. That question was being particularly pesky!
)
Is there anything you *don’t* know?
An astonishing amount actually, at least as astonishing as she sheer volume of trivia and excess vocabulary I’ve collected.
Well, never give me your phone number. These questions tend to pop up while I’m trying to get to sleep, and my time is an hour earlier than yours! (Of course, lately, you may already be up for the day by the time I get to bed…)
I could give you my AIM id, into which my phone is always logged…that way if I’m asleep I’ll just answer when I wake up.
LMAO!! You ARE a glutten for punishment, an attribute I greatly appreciate, truth be told. I’ll spare you this one time, as your offer is touchingly sweet, however naive. You are too nice for your own good, Dear! *mwah*
Actually I’m hoping I can pester you right back for baking tips. I’m a gluten for punishment.
If my mother read your post, she would probably die, if only so she could properly roll in her grave! What makes you think I would know anything about baking that you don’t?
And to the comments above to broker’s children having BMWs… I’m the daughter of a VP of Retirement funds, and all I got was a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee. However, after an accident that totaled the car, I am carless. So there. We’re not all spoiled brats.
Carless if not careless.
I’m college educated and I’d settle for having guaranteed health care and the $$ to buy a car that isn’t 10 years old with 150,000 miles on it. At the rate we’re going, I won’t be able to retire EVER. It’s all about perspective.
You are lucky to have been given any kind of car. Some families are lucky if the parents even have a car, let alone the kids.
Also, don’t text whilst driving.
It’s Steve in the picture.
Don’t get why they ask to say that in the comments when they could have read it themselves on his nametag?
He doesn’t really look like a “steve” though. More like a chuck or jeremy or Colm maybe?
“Hey, that bald guys stole Steve’s nametag!”
I totally tagged him as a “Forrest.”
*Shows everyone “Total” tag.
*shows everyone “Total Tag.”
nesting fail